Balance between inner thinking and explicit acting/behaving

[Gercar]

I have read some Freud in my life, as I did Ryzl, Kojc, a little bit of Jung... I'm a 16 year old male from Slovenia, very interested in psychology, so I tend to automatically analyze everything that happens in my life. So, I like this girl N. very much, I've got a really high respect for her intelligence and thinking, and her looks is just fabolous and so splendidly different - I can say she is THE girl for me.
As I want her so terribly, I overthink every single step I make with her, if I'm out with her I think about that for another week. If I say something, I think all the time what a shame it was for me to say that, as I could have said something so much better. Let me skip all the psychological and non-psychological problems I had with her in the last month, and talk about this psychological neurosis idea I got yesterday. After our literature club, she said she needs to tell me something, so I stayed alone with her in the class. She coudn't articulate her words very well, had a lot of troubles saying what she wanted to say, but then she asked me if I'm ok, because she noticed I have been very strange lately - she couldn't define my welfare/being, my current feeling, she compared me to water that is nor cold not warm, like someone in the middle, who never acts extremely in any direction. I wrote a poem about my feelings and came to an idea that there is a balance between my inner and outer world, if I seem happy or sad or angry, if I express my emotions freely, then my soul/mind is calm, but if I'm that middle men I described, then my soul is crying out with emotions, wobbling, howling.... So, if I have no special feelings towards a certain person, then I behave absolutely normal, not calm but also not like a security guard of the US president. But towards N., who I could say I love, though that isn't the proper phrase, I act absolutely dead, though I think very emotionally inside. Is it possible there exists a balance between that, or can that be explained otherwise? Please do help, I would be very grateful...

[pert -5]

Gercar, did you ever think of telling this girl, N., how you feel?  It's a ballsy move, I will admit.  But I was in a similar situation as you are when I was your age, but didn't say anything, and the girl moved on.  That is likely to occur in this case.  Just weigh up the risk to reward ratio in your mind, and do what your heart tells you feels right.  Oh, and one more thing:  good luck.

Peace.

[Gercar]

Thank you for the answer, many read my post, only you've replied. Indeed I have told her, I started to spend much time with her, so one day there was this school party and we made out on the male toilettes... After that we did not talk about that, nor did anyone else see it as anything more than just an impulse move of two drunk people... But then, we stayed together after a meeting of this newspaper that we are co-editors of (with 3 other people that left the bar, therefore leaving us alone). I acted really strange, I couldn't speak, I was quiet, saying bullshit, moving randomly.. I seemed quite mentally challenged at the time. I told her I was like that all day, so if she may excuse my awful behavior, but after 20 minutes she finally said she thinks that the situation has something to do with her. So, that's where I told her I can't stop thinking about her and really enjoyed our time in the club's mensroom. She equally replied, saying she likes me too. After 15 minutes of really awkward conversation we came to a conclusion - we shall have an open relationship, well, a relationship that will include these nice talks, kissing, making out and sex. I stayed with her while she was waiting for taxi, I was saying how more relaxed I feel now that this great talk has hapenned and that it was different to talk about these things. So, the taxi came, I wanted to kiss her but then she kissed me instead, saying I have to be the one with the upper hand next time. She left and I was left with great happiness. A day went by and I started to be nervous about our relationship again, this time I was worried about how this was only an agreement that means nothing if it becomes passive in practice. That's when I asked her out, but 3 days later, friday, it didn't develop into a date but we still were together at a friend, drinking before going to this club. We drank and then slowly went towards the club, me with two other friend as she was about 3 minutes behind with 5 other people... About halfway she called me to come back, as she is so important to me I ignored the fact how awfully cold I was and went back... We stayed behind everyone and she pushed me to the right in a block, where we kissed, then again at the next block. It was nice, it was the last time I did anything love related with her. After that I only spent an afternoon with her and her friend and walked her to the bus once. Then the time described in my previous post came. I am starting to feel she is starting to lose interest in me, also she doesen't like I don't have the upper hand, not being a man. She thinks I am neutral, passive, etc. I need to take this to a new level. I really want to make this an active relationship again, what can I do? Any ideas? Please do help, she is really important to me, I couldn't  forgive myself losing her. These are my young sorrows, hope I finish better than Werther.