Body Language - how aware are you of yours?

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Last night I was at a social event & while chatting with someone I noticed my eyes would shift from their face to directly over their right shoulder, I wasn't interested or looking at anything in the background but I also wasn't much interested in their talk, however receptive I pretended to be. We can only look a person in the eye for so long before needing to move our eyes in a different direction, otherwise we'd be staring. In this case I noticed my eyes kept wanting to go right. I was also aware this action must make me appear to be bored of their conversation, as it could appear I was looking over their shoulder at something more interesting.

Later I was chatting with someone who I've got to know a little and we get on well, on catching first sight of me, he looked amazed, blinked a lot and stepped back, we then sat & chatted. Here I noticed my eyes behaved very differently when engaged in conversation with him. As above my eyes were on his, but when came the time to move them, instead of them shifting right they first looked down & then away.

His eyes behaved exactly the same, and I couldn't believe the subjects he brought up were ones I would have, had he not, bizarre.. By the end of the evening he totally mirrored me, from mimiking my smile to the way my hands were on the table. When we departed company I waved at waist height and I was amazed that he did exactly the same back. Aww, incredible & funny & sweet.  
All that was obvious as it was happening and I was well aware. What I wasn't aware of but I realise now, when sitting down to chat I chose a chair that faced him, but also put my back to the rest of the room, I guess doing this was unconsciously saying I was only interested in him (I wasn't aware of this at the time though). And although the action was behind me his eyes never once strayed into the rest of the room. When I did finally turn around an hour or two later the room had completely emptied!

I don't think I would have been so aware of such body language in my youth. I don't know why I observe it now in such detail, which made me wonder are other people so aware of their own body language and that of others, both as and when it's happening and on reflection? I'd love to hear examples and elaborations. Thanks.

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you might a;lso find it interesting to reflect on what you were talking about with those people. you will probably find that there are themes and patterns in the direction you look and the way you make eye contact that correlate with the quality and tone of your communication.

i.e. communication about topics related to emotions such as love, sorrow or happiness might correlate with looking down more.

talking to someone about the future, plans, and ideas migh correlate with looking to the right.

i dont know how that will be for you but there will be a connection that you can become aware for yourself.

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Hmmm... Why did NLP come to mind when I read your post?
You know what my thoughts are on NLP (it's bollocks) and again I have to say that NLP is about changing behavour, why do I keep seeing this 'changing behavours' presented in your replies? I don't mean that as offensive, but explorative, maybe it's me reading something that isn't present, but it does appear to me that if it's not hypnoisis it's CBT or other therapy or some way of bringing about changing. Why not be happy with self, as it is, surely the key to happyness is not in changing but in accepting..

I will look more into the examples you give though :-)

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Hmmm... Why did NLP come to mind when I read your post?
You know what my thoughts are on NLP (it's bollocks) and again I have to say that NLP is about changing behavour, why do I keep seeing this 'changing behavours' presented in your replies?

because your filtering reality to find information that fits with your schema.

I don't mean that as offensive, but explorative, maybe it's me reading something that isn't present, but it does appear to me that if it's not hypnoisis it's CBT or other therapy or some way of bringing about changing.

there is nothing here about changing your behaviour apart from advising that you examing the type of information that you are processing when you are noticing certain types of behaviour.

Why not be happy with self, as it is, surely the key to happyness is not in changing but in accepting..

acceptance of self and others is without doubt a means to be happy and content.

but is there only one key to happiness? besides, if you are not accepting and you become accepting that is a change.

if someone is unhappy and becomes happy then a change has taken place.

what is important to you about how that change is made?

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You think I have a shema and fit everything into that and why I said that.
Yet I think you have a schema that is 'therapy based' and fit everything into that.
I don't believe 'language' as suggested in NLP invokes a pattern in eye movements. I have watched videos on this and they look like actors, it's a lot like pyramid selling, it's the new water filtration system, the new tupaware, it's a corporate business model that sells. But ultimately it's shite.. excuse the language. Because you associated topics with eye movements (which is NLP), I obviously made that association, is it my schema or my observation?

How will I find out?

Bizarely enough my 'friend' described above is a Dr in Neuroscience and one of the few people I communicate well with when covering these topics.

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I am sure i have a schema for psychology and psychological therapies that includes information relating to cognitions, behvaiour, emotions, brain fucntion etc, including things that might not exist like counselling or hypnosis. consisdering this is a psychology forum it would be more unusual if my beliefs and values and my interest in psychology were not reflected in my opinions.

i have been discussing the topic you started and you havent shown any interest in that topic but you keep looking for information that i havent talked about.

if i have not talked about changing behaviour, and i havent talked about NLP, what is your purpose in trying to fit everything around these concepts?

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I am very aware of the direction the thread has taken. But as my initial question was not answered I went with the flow.

(In my interpretation you DID talk about NLP - associating TOPICS with EYE MOVEMENT - if this is NOT NLP what it is?...... As NLP is 'Neuro Linguistic PROGRAMMING that is changing behhaviour) Do you undestand how and why I arrive at that?

I wrote the 'Question' because I was interested in other peoples experiences and elaborations on their observations of body language.. I would like to know how 'self aware' people are.. I still haven't got an answer and it seems some people aren't able to give answers, but instead ask further questions like "What is important to you about how that change is made?" which I don't understand.

And as you keep saying I'm guilty of fitting everything into MY schema, I keep asking how you arrive at that assumption (again above I ask 'how do I find out').. you do not give any direct examples so I am still in the dark as how you have come to this conclusion of me.. If you copied & pasted my sentences (as I give reference to yours) that prove what you say of me, maybe I would understand more.

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(In my interpretation you DID talk about NLP - associating TOPICS with EYE MOVEMENT - if this is NOT NLP what it is?...... As NLP is 'Neuro Linguistic PROGRAMMING that is changing behhaviour) Do you undestand how and why I arrive at that?

i understand. you are looking for information that is not there and you are making what you see fit into what you believe. i am not talking about NLP or changing Behviour but you are seeing it in what i am saying. this is filtering to fit your schema. you have a belief and you see evidence that supports it even where evidence does not exist.

if this is NOT NLP what it is?.

the topic is about body language. LANGUAGE communicated through the BODY. your eyes are part of your body. so what are you communicating. if you reflect on your thoughts and feelings at the time that you are aware of your bodies involuntary actions then you will start to learn what your body is communicating. and thats what its is all about, oi!

"What is important to you about how that change is made?"

you talked about becoming happy through acceptance. but you do not think value change. i pointed out that becoming happy through acceptance is still change. i wondered why you are opposed to change but not opposed to change if it happens through acceptance.

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I am not opposed to change, today in the news (whethere true or not) is anti-depresants prescriptions have gone up by 40% in the last 4 years. I know people don't often look to themselves for answers, but instead to others. We are conditioned to go to school to be educated, to go to hairdresses to have a hair cut, to go to work to earn a wage, go to the doctor when we are not happy... etc etc etc..
How often do we teach ourselves, cut our own hair, make our own wage and see to our own wellbeing? I do all of these things, I don't rely upon other people, like the massess are conditioned to do. Therapy is relying upon others instead of looking to self for a solution. That is my problem, people are incapable of doing the most basic things and I think because they have come to rely heavily upon others for EVERYTHING.. Therapy/anti-depressants also come in at a price and are a business.. Pharmaseutical companies like Pfzer push these conditioning concepts when we have the ability to solve our own problems.
Also imagine you knew someone with a belief in voodoo, every day you saw this person go off to voodoo college, write papers on voodoo and qualify as a voodooist, would you not believe they are wasting their life while holding back the human race from progression and paying a fee for the privilage? This is another reason I don't like therapies.

Hope that answers your question.
You think I find information that isn't there.. Think of a big grey animal with tusk and a trunk... you don't have to say the word 'elephant' to think of that animal. Although you never mentioned the word NLP I will highlight what made me think of that, as you couldn't have spoke about language and looking right/left without knowing about NLP as that is where the idea is derived....

" you might a;lso find it interesting to reflect on what you were talking about with those people. you will probably find that there are themes and patterns in the direction you look and the way you make eye contact that correlate with the quality and tone of your communication.

i.e. communication about topics related to emotions such as love, sorrow or happiness might correlate with looking down more.

talking to someone about the future, plans, and ideas migh correlate with looking to the right."




What I read into your statement above was that you was saying what a person is talking about dictates their eye movements, as I don't believe this is true in body language, but is an idea presented in NLP I came to think you must be thinking about NLP when you wrote that.. Maybe I read between the lines, afterall what motivates language? Maybe I observe that motivation. Maybe I don't but, I'd like to know though.. Were you thinking of NLP when you wrote that? I hope you can answer that.

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[youtube]http://youtu.be/i3XPjDL99xo[/youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3XPjDL99xo

[youtube]<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/i3XPjDL99xo?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>[/youtube][youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3XPjDL99xo[/youtube]below is more like what I experienced which I later found.. with the eyes looking down then away.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199303/the-biology-attraction

I would also recommend to anyone who believes in NLP to ask yourself the questions, then note your OWN eye movements in answering them, THEY DO NOT CORROLTE WITH THE IDEAS OF NLP.. don't watch videos that tell you how it works, try it yourself... and very quickly you'll realise it's bullshit..