Conflicting Feelings about a brother in Christ

[Fire-7]

I have joined this bible study at my college - the Christian club. I think it is a G-d-send. Being a Christian, I have found that it can be lonely and isolating - feeling like you're the only person who is into the bible and serious about the things of G-d. I have already learned some things in the few weeks I've been in the club. I have met some cool people, and it's refreshing to see other (regular) guys who are passionate about G-d.

One of my main goals and reasons for joining is because I wanted a personal bible study partner. By chance, I did happen to meet one of the brothers who is just as passionate as I am. So I told him about my goal and he is on board to be my partner.

Here comes the conflicting part. The first time I saw this guy (before I knew him) I thought that he was a rather attractive guy! I've found out that he is 19y/o (9 years younger than me), but I personally find him very attractive! even more now that I have gotten to experience his awesome mind and personality. We have discussed several biblical subjects. He has alluded to homosexuality, although we didn't go in depth on the discussion. So I know what his stance is; he's against it.

I highly doubt that he has had any inclination that I am homosexual. At least if he has, he hasn't shown that it bothers him. We have exchanged a few texts and conversed via phone briefly. He's been very cool and warm to me, and I find him to be such a very cool person! However, I am now considering backing out of my goal and cutting him off all together, because I am not only finding him cool, but adorable as well. Although I see him as a buddy, another part of me is feeling him romantically. I mean when I say feeling him, I'm going to bed imagining my pillow is him and waking up in the middle of the night fantasizing about him (so embarrassing to admit this). I am becoming infatuated with him. Not that I'm obsessed. I just have a massive crush on him. I've only known the guy for a couple of weeks, and I'm already starting to feel jealous if I see him talking to or walking with or by a female.

So I'm thinking it would be irresponsible on my part to break partnership with him, because we've already established a plan. And of course we don't have any obligations and staying in contact is not something we have to do (I have been the one to initiate the texts messages anyway), but I am personally worried about becoming too attached to him, because I know that something will happen (a non-response to a message, the learning of a girlfriend or fiance', another friend who gets more attention, etc...) that will eventually cause me to feel a sense of abandonment and rejection down the road, and I don't know how I will react to it. But I know it will be painful.

Just the fact that I have these thoughts/feelings conflicts everything that our relationship would be about. I would be such a hypocrite to be reading the bible with him while thinking of making love to him. That doesn't even make sense - hence my conflicting feelings.

[S. Earl Martin]

Okay, this is a very sensetive subject so I am going to try and be fair. I am not judgeing you. However I am being factual. Sin is sin. To commit adultery or fornication or homosexuality or stealing or lieing are all sins. Any time we are faced with temptation we can either give in to the temptation or we can resist it. The best way I have found to resist temptation is when the thoughts come into my head I pray in the name of Jesus to take them away. I am not gay, but I have been tempted to sin in other ways in my life. I found the longer I resisted the sin the easier it becomes. Some people believe that being gay is not a sin and that Paul was wrong. I am not one to judge so I will let God work that out at the judgement. I want you to know that I am praying for you. That the Lord would work in your life by the Holy Spirit and would give you the wisdom and understanding to recieve Gods will for your life. Seek yeah first the kingdom of God.

I pray that You, Lord, know how to deliver me out of temptations.
2 Peter 2:9

My suggestion is that you pray in a group. You can tell the members you have an unspoken request that needs to be prayed about. This way you don't have to reveal the nature of your situation. This also will allow the Holy Spirit to work in you. I pray that the Lord will watch over you and will lead you in God's will. Be blessed Earl

[sakoz]

fire-7 ;  Heterosexuals also find attraction is not always mutual.
           If you know his stand on homosexuality, don't make the first move.
Pine like others who can't have what they want. (reciprocal love).

[Zepher08]

Fire 7, I do not believe that being homosexual is a sin so after that I would say that your feelings of attraction are neither bad nor wrong. That all seems to be regular stuff. Yet, some how you are seeking the other person who apparently is not available on the level you are available.

I had a friend in college , female, who had a huge crush on a male who was gay. She fantasized about him and would not believe that he was or is homosexual. I tried the best I could get her to believe me. Finally I told the young man and he told her so. That crushed her but it was what is real.

It seems that you may not be taking in the whole picture as to what is real. What is real is that this man is either totally straight or is playing the role of a straight person. no matter ... be clear on what is your business. Define your boundaries and recognize his. that would be the healthy way to go instead of creating your suffering due to the lack return /reciprocation of affection/attraction.

I have been attracted to people who have partners or are unavailable for other reasons. I see a boundary. I honor other peoples space as I honor my own. I do not feed my fantasy or need with something that is clearly not on the table. It is not a choice.

It sounds to me as if the adult in you is not operating and the child with (non negotiable) need is in the drivers seat. Clearly this aims for a crack up.

You an have all the feelings in the world but they do not have to turn into an action. You can have attraction (feelings) and not turn it into a self judgment nor an action.

[sakoz]

S. Earl Martin; You wrote; " However I'm being factual. Sin is sin."  Are you sure your not "mistaking" your belief for fact? That's a common UNRECOGNIZED 'problem'.
Some people go to therapy because they don't recognize mistaking some of their beliefs for facts, and suffer the consequences.

See, zepher wrote he does not believe homosexuality a sin.    Both of you have different "beliefs" not  facts.

[S. Earl Martin]

No I am being literal. The Bible of which we are speaking states that homosexuality is a sin. That is a fact. Now if you would put my statements in context with the whole of what I wrote. It is obvious that I was trying to not put my personel beliefs in my statements.
"Some people believe that being gay is not a sin and that Paul was wrong. I am not one to judge so I will let God work that out at the judgement." 
As you can see this statement makes it quite clear that I am not putting my own beliefs here, but am trying to help Fire-7 deal with a situation. I believe it is you who are putting your personel beliefs here. That is called projection. Another thing people do sometimes in therapy.
The problem is Fire-7 is asking for help in a Christian context. This makes it nessecary to use the Bible as a referance. Had he possed the question in a secular formate I would have approached it from there.
I agree with Zepher08's assessment of the situation for the most part. . I personally see it as hypocritical for the church to forgive some sins and condem others. Love one another shall be the whole of the law. 

[gone]

The poster never once refered to his sexuality as a problem. So to reference his sexuality as 'sin' in reply is not relevent, had he said his class was computer studdies and not bible studdies would you still have said 'sin is sin'?

On MRI scans the homosexual brain is different to the hetrosexual brain, does Paul condemn all those with different brains as sinners?

The problem the poster has is FEAR of rejection. Only when a person learns to EMBRACE THEIR FEARS can they be FREE!!

[SWM]

would it not also depend on how you interpret Paul reference to homosexuality. one reference to the "homosexual offenders" being wicked is not defining homosexulaity as a sin. homosexuality is not one of the seven sins and is not forbidden in the ten commandments.

[SWM]

going off topic here but...  many christians rage against homosexuality and abortion but neither are defined as sins by either the YHVH or Jesus while hatred is definitely classed as sin and Wrath (anger or rage) is one of the seven deadly sins. a sin is a sin none are greater or lesser in the eyes of the lord

remove the plank from thine own eye springs to mind

@Earl these commments are not aimed at your self as i can see that you are not a the kind to attack other people for their beliefs

[S. Earl Martin]

Yes I actually attempted to reference this by saying "Some people believe that being gay is not a sin and that Paul was wrong. I am not one to judge so I will let God work that out at the judgement."
There are versions of the Bible that are written to omit any reference to homosexuality as a sin. Not one time did I say personelly that homosexuality was a sin. Also if you notice at the end of my statement about the unspoken request I left it vauge purposely as to what Fire-7 should pray for. Allowing him to decide that. To reference his sexuality as sin in a Christian context is relevant because he asked about it in a Christian context. Dang people are we trying to help the guy or are you just trying to take what I said out of context so you can make me look like something I am not?

[gone]

I think we just express support of difference and the fact he's homosesucal shouldn't be the issue, which I why I didn't but in before, but as it's taken this direction as I thought it would, I add my presence in support of acceptance of homosexuality without condemnation. It shouldn't be the issue here. SE I get what you're saying and know your intentions are good, but is a person first a christian and then a person, or a person first and then a christian?

Anyway the apostles, saints or whatever you want to call them are all adaptations of the old pagan gods. So I'd take it all with a pinch of salt and live how the hell you want..

[pert -5]

I have joined this bible study at my college - the Christian club. I think it is a G-d-send. Being a Christian, I have found that it can be lonely and isolating - feeling like you're the only person who is into the bible and serious about the things of G-d. I have already learned some things in the few weeks I've been in the club. I have met some cool people, and it's refreshing to see other (regular) guys who are passionate about G-d.

One of my main goals and reasons for joining is because I wanted a personal bible study partner. By chance, I did happen to meet one of the brothers who is just as passionate as I am. So I told him about my goal and he is on board to be my partner.

Here comes the conflicting part. The first time I saw this guy (before I knew him) I thought that he was a rather attractive guy! I've found out that he is 19y/o (9 years younger than me), but I personally find him very attractive! even more now that I have gotten to experience his awesome mind and personality. We have discussed several biblical subjects. He has alluded to homosexuality, although we didn't go in depth on the discussion. So I know what his stance is; he's against it.

I highly doubt that he has had any inclination that I am homosexual. At least if he has, he hasn't shown that it bothers him. We have exchanged a few texts and conversed via phone briefly. He's been very cool and warm to me, and I find him to be such a very cool person! However, I am now considering backing out of my goal and cutting him off all together, because I am not only finding him cool, but adorable as well. Although I see him as a buddy, another part of me is feeling him romantically. I mean when I say feeling him, I'm going to bed imagining my pillow is him and waking up in the middle of the night fantasizing about him (so embarrassing to admit this). I am becoming infatuated with him. Not that I'm obsessed. I just have a massive crush on him. I've only known the guy for a couple of weeks, and I'm already starting to feel jealous if I see him talking to or walking with or by a female.

So I'm thinking it would be irresponsible on my part to break partnership with him, because we've already established a plan. And of course we don't have any obligations and staying in contact is not something we have to do (I have been the one to initiate the texts messages anyway), but I am personally worried about becoming too attached to him, because I know that something will happen (a non-response to a message, the learning of a girlfriend or fiance', another friend who gets more attention, etc...) that will eventually cause me to feel a sense of abandonment and rejection down the road, and I don't know how I will react to it. But I know it will be painful.

Just the fact that I have these thoughts/feelings conflicts everything that our relationship would be about. I would be such a hypocrite to be reading the bible with him while thinking of making love to him. That doesn't even make sense - hence my conflicting feelings.

You appear to feel a certain way.  What good will it do you to go against your most holy, natural feeling?  Did you ask to feel this way about this guy?  Sin is feeling shame for the guise of one's love (so long as you harm none).  In saying that if this guy gets into a relationship it will greatly upset you, that shows maturity and insight; understanding of your true feelings.  If you know that this guy will not reciprocate your feelings then perhaps you may want to extract yourself from the interaction.  The only outcome of not doing that, and continuing on the road you illustrate, is that he will be offended and you will be left unrequited.

[S. Earl Martin]

Also in the Ten Commandments where it says not to commit adultery. A more literal intreptation is more broad and includes any sex outside of procreation. Even between husband and wife. The point from a Christian perspective is we are no longer under the law. How we personelly have a realitionship with Jesus is just that "Personel". Everyone should decide for themselves. We are not to judge. I need to clean my own house. I shouldn't be telling other people how to clean theirs. (Unless they ask). Now this is my personel beliefs. And this has really pissed off alot of conservative Christians who think I am the Anti Christ. I feel I am taking the words of Jesus and the Bible as literal as I know how. I am literally praying for Fire-7 to find a solution to their dilemma. Peace and good things be yours. Earl

[gone]

Also the 10 commandments are lifted straight from the Egyptian Book of The Dead.

My advice to Fire is go study Egyptian Mythology because there you will find the origins of Christianity and all that is Christian without all the crazy christian cr@p. And it's way more interesting and more homosexual men are drawn to egyptian mythology then they are the church :-)

[S. Earl Martin]

Hmmm! Another possiblity is that you attend a church that is open to gay's. The Unitarian church as well as churches in other denominations could offer help and Bible studies. You might even meet someone to take your mind off your crush? Keep on praying and believeing. Jesus loves you. Peace

[sakoz]

" Dang people are we trying to help this guy...........?"
If there's any 'conflict' between those replying; is most likely because both Christians and Non-Christians are participating.
This 'case' ought to be 'dealt' with among Christians, in the context of their beliefs and rules; not universally, do that in another thread.
The army and non-religious people are "grappling" with the matter. Let the army and religions do it there way. Do you want to make it the law of the land? Marrige is on the line too.