Could her PTSD w/ Psychotic Features be related to her reaction? URGENT HLP PLS

[Robs_ter]

I don't often ask for advice in life because I feel don't often need it as badly as most people.  So I might not be the most skilled at asking for for it.  I know my story is very long and might not seem worth your time.  I'm very sorry about that, but please, I URGENTLY could use some help/advice right now....  My next couple posts address my situation and then my questions for you all and my intentions.

[Robs_ter]

             Hi everyone.  My  name is Robbie.  Right now, I'm really struggling to find answers for the situation I'm currently in.  I'd love to hear any support or advice, especially from anyone with solid knowledge of PTSD or "psychotic features".

               So, I will explain the situation now.

            I'll be 23 in less than a week.  My relationship experience with women is fairly average I think.  I've had several "relationships" 2 relatively serious ones.  One that lasted a couple years.  So, to make it simple, I don't think I'm just clueless about women in general.  Something very shocking happened with someone that I'm dating, and I'm rifling through my mind to try to guess at the answers.

              Basically, I "met" this girl named Amanda on the OKCupid dating website 6 days ago.  That first night, we spent nearly 5 hours getting to know each other.  Several detailed and question filled messages were exchanged, followed by a lot of instant messaging, followed by a phone conversation.  Throughout this past week, we have continued sending text messages, instant messages, and we've had a couple webcam sessions.  There has seemed to be a very strong, very quickly growing connection between us.  Yesterday, we went on our first real date.  We went to the Mall of America.  Met there at 1:00 and stayed until about 8:00 and then met some of her friends to eat a late dinner at around 9:00.  There was hardly a dull moment, we were constantly talking and getting to know each other.  Our topics ranged from the light/humours/flirty to the more serious and deep.  At one point, she enthusiastically told me that A) She had never had a first date that lasted this long before, and B) She had never been this interested in someone this quickly before.  I completely agreed.  So clearly, there were some pretty strong and still growing feelings between us.  During one of our more intense conversations, she opened up to me and hinted at having a rough childhood.  She told me that she suffers from PTSD with Psychotic features, and also ADD.  She said that she was on medication for them both.  I was completely understanding and reassuring and said I was alright with that and happy she told me.  From my limited knowledge, I was under the impression that people with mental disorders such as PTSD with Psyhotic Features can and do live perfectly normal lives without having many problems at all when they stay on their medication.

             So, after a long fun day at the mall, we headed to our cars (we drove there separately, but she drove me to my car and we waited there temporarily while figuring out the exact plans for meeting with her friends later).  After it was figured out, before I got out to my car, we shared our first kiss.  She actually totally initiated it.  (kind of emasculating, but that's besides the point)  Also, I will admit, I was not super smooth about it.  I accidentally started trying to talk while kissing her for a moment there until I was like, "shut up Robbie and just kiss!" and so I did and it was amazing and I was feeling fantastic.

              We got to the restaurant, and most of her friends, who got there first, had already finished, and they stayed a little bit, but eventually left, and it was just the 2 of us again.  She was kind of tired, and I suggested if she wasn't too tired or if we didn't want to say goodbye just yet, we could go for a walk together or something, but I also stressed if she was too tired (she hadn't gotten any sleep the previous night) that she could go home, and I could go home, and we could end our date.  So that's what we decided, and as we were standing between our 2 cars, with it a bit chilly outside, I foolishly asked if she wanted to hide from the cold in one of our cars and make out for a few minutes or something.  In my head, I was thinking A)  I really like this girl,  B)  Because I like her so much, I really like kissing her, and C)  since I was a bit unsmooth on our first kiss, I kind of wanted to make up for that a bit.  I guess it must have come out really akward though, cuz she said, "You said that pretty awkward.  I'd actually rather just get going" or something like that.  So I responded, "yeah, sorry, it was kind of awkward.  I'm just cold and...I don't know".  Something like that.  So we hugged each other, and while I was especially nervous to do anything after that, she initiated a little kiss, and we said good night, and I commented on how I had such a great time with her that day, and I really hope to see her again soon.  I felt really relieved that she still initiated a kiss with me, so I figured I didn't kill my chances too badly even if I accidentally said something kind of awkward because otherwise, I wouldn't have expected her to even kiss me at all at that point.

          But all things considerred, it seemed like the perfect first date with the perfect girl, and besides that one little moment, she seemed to be really into me too.  Just as much as I was for her.

         Since I had the longer drive back home than she did, when I got home, I texted her and let her know I got back and said good night and sweet dreams.  I was exhausted and fairly quickly fell asleep.  I randomly woke up around 2:00am and out of curiosity checked my OKCupid and Facebook account.  To my bewilderment, she had blocked me on both accounts!  I sent her a fairly lenghty text saying sorry if she sleeping, asking her to respond in the morning.  I asked her about blocking me and emphasized how much of a good time I and we had spending the whole day together.  I took responsibility for saying something awkward and apologized for that.  I also said that I hope we can have a talk on the phone and said that even if she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, that she owes me an honest explanation at the very least (didn't say it in a lecturing way, but more in a "I hope you will do this" kind of a tone).  Besides, from everything that I knew about her, and her strongly held values for honesty and caring, I figured it wouldn't be much of a problem me requesting that from her.

          Since then, all I've heard back from her was one text this morning which read, and I quote, "You creeped me out last night.  End of discussion/explanation.  Please don't contact me again."

           Unsure of what to do from there or if further communication could even help no matter what I say or if it would just make it worse, I have since sent 1 more text, which is mostly apologetic, trying to explain my innocent intentions, and practically begging for forgiveness, a second chance, and a chance to talk on the phone.  I have not called her yet.  I would like to, but figure without her consent to talk on the phone, I should wait some time before I do that.

        I have talked to numerous friends who all seem about as surprised/confused by her reaction as me.  For someone who seemed to be so into me and having such a wonderful day (week if you include all our text, messages, im's, phone conversation, and webcam chats) it is just a really shocking reaction to block and refuse to talk to me without even trying to communicate about what happened.  It's strange that I can honestly say that one of the best days of my life was immediately followed by one of the worst nights of my life (couldn't sleep after saw she blocked me and awaited explanation) and one of the worst following days.  I'm totally heartbroken and searching for answers to this shocking reaction she has had.

[Robs_ter]

            I'm wondering if this sounds in any way like it could be related to the PTSD or "Psychotic features" that she said is taking medication for?
And if so, does anybody have any advice for how I should go about trying to win her favor back or involve myself further with this kind of person?
 
             Never in my life, even in my past 2.5 year long relationship which I knew was failing did I have this desire to "not give up without a fight" as I do right now.  I suppose that's why I'm seeking expert advice from you kind folkds in an area which may not even be relevent...  But if there's a chance that it is, I want to prepare myself as best as I possibly can.  The connection that I've quickly felt build with this girl is unique and powerful on a level that I can barely even describe.  It's strong enough where, if she really is truly into me, and would be willing to pursue a relationship with me like it has strongly seemed true over the past week, I would be willing to do my very best to work around any future episodes.  An occasional issue like this could quite likely even be worth it to be with a person like Amanda.  I know it's likely that a part of me is ROMANTICIZING her and IDEALIZING her at this stage in the relationship.  Pretty typical for the beginning where it's all passion, but even if I am, I don't feel as if I am being DELUSIONAL here.  What I really want is to know exactly the reasoning behind her seemingly irrational behavior/reaction.  And if there is even a tiny chance that I can still pursue a relationship with her, I absolutely want to take it, because, in my relationship experience, a powerful mutual connection like this does not just come around often.  In fact, possibly NEVER for a lot of people.  I have never had that "the one" vibe more than I do with her.  I certainly don't intend on becoming creepy or stalkerish, and so while I'm willing to try to get over her in the near future if it becomes 100% clear that I have no chance with her, for now, I don't want to get over her, I want to get her back, and I'm not always sure of myself, but in this case, I couldn't be more positive with how I feel and what I want.  I realize that it will probably be very hard though, and possibly painful at times if this IS part of her disorder and if it would be reoccurring.

[Robs_ter]

She was raped...... I didn't know that, but I still feel so awful. I just delved into one of her blogs online, was looking back at really old posts, and saw one where she pretty much indirectly states that she was raped. Now I probably know where the Post Tramatic Stress Disorder stems from... And her reaction to being invited into the car to make out, could have easily and understandably been taken the wrong way from someone who has experienced that and has become fearful of it. I think she must have thought that I was asking her into a dangerous situation, and I scared her.

I could still really use the help, support, and advice, but just knowing this, as horrible as it is, and even though I wish it's NOT the big secret to it all. I think it is. And looking back, there are other signs to this being the truth behind it. In our random questioning to get to know each other better. She responded that her biggest fear was being forced into a situation that she doesn't have any control over. Now I just need to find a way to contact her, knowing that she will actually listen to my words and give me a chance. I understand her (somewhat, I think). I need to let her know that no matter what, I swear with my entire being to never put her into this kind of situation. That regarding issues where her body is involved. She is the boss. Final. I will never intentionally pressure her physically, and that I, like her show nothing but the lowest of regard for all the men who hurt women every year. Especially when it largely get unreported and everything. I really hope that if she knows exactly where I stand on these issues regarding women, and specifically regarding her, that maybe I can have another chance after all.

[SWM]

You dont know what it was that she found creepy.  It is possible that what you say is true it is also possible that you are making huge assumptions which are untrue.

PTSD with psychotic symptoms may cause somebody to think in quite an extreme way, paranoia and delusional thinking even hallucinations may be present and you will have no way of knowing what actually going on in her mind unless she tells you. Even when she tells you she might be telling you something misleading because of her psychosis.

be careful not to make hasty moves and slow down a bit. Some girls might find it creepy that you have been doing your research on her.

[Robs_ter]

Yeah, it's such a weird situation.  Because, well, to be straight about it, I've never had this urge to "fight for something" in my life more than I do right now with her.  I know that if I don't do ANYTHING that I will always regret it and look back and wonder if anything could have been possible.  I know realistically, the chances of fixing it could very well be quite slim.  And I understand that.  Optimistically though, I figure if there's still a chance at all, it's worth taking.  The thing is, if I do it too soon and in a non-tactful manner, her current negative mood about it will likely kill the possibilities that she would even listen to anything I have to say.  If I wait too long, then all negative feelings about me will just be further rooted in, and not only that, but they will be branched out more to her friends and family and everything, and possibly her entire supportive network will be against me.

And yeah, you're definitely right about slowing down.  Even looking at my last post now.  I'm kind of like, wow, take it easy now kiddo.

As I said, I plan on doing/saying something, but being tactful and careful about it is certainly key in this fairly delicate situation.

[SWM]

If I wait too long, then all negative feelings about me will just be further rooted in, and not only that, but they will be branched out more to her friends and family and everything, and possibly her entire supportive network will be against me.

how would this happen? how do you know this to be true? is there a possibility that something else might happen?

edit: Hint: If she is paranoid then everything you do or say to try to fix the situation she will find a way of turning around to fit her perspective. example: if she thinks you are trying to trap her or control her then everything you do or say will be viewed by her as a way of trapping or controlling her.

I suppose my point is that until you know what the problem is you will stand little chance of sorting things out. finding out what the problem will require her to trust you and trust is not easily acquired from somebody who is psychologically damaged in the way you describe.

[voodoo scientist]

Right now you're driven by rejection. You're looking for a way to dismiss or marginalize the importance of the rejection, logically by finding a way to continue the relationship as if it'd never happened.  Don't - this doesn't end anywhere pleasant.

You need to consider that this girl had a very strong reaction to something you did, that you yourself didn't pick up on at all to the point where you don't even know what it was. Much more important than dismissing or explaining her reaction is how you would plan to behave if you actually got a second chance and this happened again, because it likely would. Is that something you're looking for in a relationship?

 I think it would be difficult for you, given your own strong reaction to her rejection. Would it really make you feel better going forward if this was part of her illness? How does your "behavioral plan" going forward differ if you were to confirm this was a "result of her illness" versus if you were to confirm it was just "her being herself"? Do you think it would still make a difference the 17th time she spontaneously rejects you, with seemingly no realistic way for you to have prevented it?

[Robs_ter]

I appreciate all the feedback and advice and everything.  I mean, at this point, I'm quite positive I do understand why she reacted the way she did, and considerring what she went through, I don't even really find it to be a strange reaction.  She acted how any intelligent woman who went through that once might act, by doing what she could to avoid any possibility of being in a situation again where there's an increased likelyhood of danger.  I mean, I can respect that reaction even.

I definitely have thought about what things might be like if I did get a second chance.  I know that being the partner of someone with pyschological damage like this can be very exhausting and painful.  I've read plenty of testimonials in the past of people who are husbands or wives of individuals with psychological disorders.  But if they're right for each other, they're right for each other.  Obviously it's premature to say that Amanda and I are "right" for each other.  But I feel a very good connection, and I think it's definitely not a possibility that I should just dismiss.

I think if I got a second chance, then her trust of me would increase over time, and situations like this would become less frequent and possibly easier to manage when they do.  Obviously, it would require a lot of work, but what relationship doesn't?  I don't know.  I feel that future issues are DEFINITELY a high possibility, but if we do somehow manage to get through this one, then I have confidence that we can get through them in the future.

And I guess the difference between "a result of her illness" and "her being herself" is that an illness is more likely to be cured and worked n than...I don't know, a personality, which, obviously would be ridiculous to even assume it could be done.

[Robs_ter]

how would this happen? how do you know this to be true? is there a possibility that something else might happen?

What else do you think might happen?  I'm just curious.

[SWM]

how would this happen? how do you know this to be true? is there a possibility that something else might happen?

What else do you think might happen?  I'm just curious.

Lots of things might happen. An unimaginable number of things could happen. Why would you believe this one scenario would unfold in this particular way?

[Robs_ter]

Well, certainly any number of things couldhappen.  That one just seems like one of the more likely scenarios to me.

[SWM]

seems like does not mean its true. you might seem like a rapist to Amanda if she believes this to be true her actions would be irrational to you but completely rational to her.

the point i am trying to convey is to be careful with the assumptions you make, if your assumptions are erroneous then your actions are misguided.

you made an assumption that by not acting immediately people will turn against you. examine the evidence you have that leads you to come to this conclusion rather than another conclusion.

[Robs_ter]

Oh of course.  By all means I agree with this.  Certainly one can never be 100% certain of these things.  But better to try to logically think ahead and make predictions and prepare for them than to not right?  I know taking some fast action without much thought would be a terrible idea.  That's exctly why I'm trying to make these predictions and such in the first place.

[voodoo scientist]

And I guess the difference between "a result of her illness" and "her being herself" is that an illness is more likely to be cured and worked n than...I don't know, a personality, which, obviously would be ridiculous to even assume it could be done.

What does that mean for you, though? You should not go into this assuming it will ever be "fixed," regardless of whether or not it's pathological. People change their behaviors on a continuum. It was intended as a thought experiment of imagining how you would feel after the 17th (or some other non-trivial count) seemingly random rejection, and whether that distinction would still matter - I wager it wouldn't count for half as much as the feeling of frustration and helplessness would.

Oh of course.  By all means I agree with this.  Certainly one can never be 100% certain of these things.  But better to try to logically think ahead and make predictions and prepare for them than to not right?  I know taking some fast action without much thought would be a terrible idea.  That's exctly why I'm trying to make these predictions and such in the first place.

Think about this: If your motivations are, hypothetically, what you believe they are, how logical do you think it is to be this logical and explicit about a potential relationship? Do you think you will be able to keep that up forever? Do you think you're going to enjoy keeping that up in two, five, ten years? I'm gonna go ahead and say not very, no, and no, unless you're some kind of mental superman.

Now, you're a logical guy, so you can entertain two opposing hypothetical thoughts: How logical is this behavior if your motivation was, hypothetically, aimed towards regaining a feeling of control that you lost from this completely unforeseen rejection by a girl you felt you had connected with? Do you think you would be acutely conscious of this possibility if it were the case given your situation, or would it be masked and only discovered after this peak plays out and you return to your emotional baseline?