Destructive Pattern of discontinuing my commitments :(

[ragavpayne]

Hello,

I'm a 21 yrs old male. I have become aware of a destructive pattern in my behavior and it has been happening for about two years now.

This is how it happens:-

I learn about something new, an offer, a membership at a club, some item at the store or even something I don't need to spend money on like taking up the habit of reading graphic novels or trying to meditate, I get intensely excited, I invest in whatever it is by paying up fees at the club or buying that item from the store or stacking up downloaded copies of graphic novels in my laptop or reading a lot about meditation as if in preparation for faithful following of it for years to come. I get into it. Then within sometime, a couple of months into the year-long membership at the gym or couple of days of using that thing that I bought and thought I'd use forever, couple of nights of reading that graphic novel collection, couple or more of sessions of meditating, my mind wanders away and stops being enthusiastic about it only to find something else to feel enthusiastic about. With this kind of a pattern, I just cannot stay firm to any commitment I make. Sometimes this may lead to loss of membership fee at a club, but I reckon at other times it may lead to more permanent or more destructive. I mean these are only things that I'm aware of but there may be things that I'm unaware of and yet involved in. I don't want to wait for this to get progressive or more destructive.

Why I'm most worried about this now:-

I'm most worried about this now because I just got "enthusiastic" about joining a sport to become more fit and also because it is a sport that I loved as a child. I'm about to pay up the academy where I will be getting trained. I'll be paying the deposit for my membership. I know, I always have these great reasons to take up something at the beginning. If not, I will rationalize it to make it seem awesome. Then eventually my neocortex will invent reasons to not continue the pursuit of the passion. I'm just worried I'm going to repeat my pattern with this sport as well. The only difference between this and my other previous investments is that my conscious knowledge of this pattern is at its heights. I'm going to force myself to go train myself everyday regardless of anything and get my body and mind fit (it's a sport that works on the body AND mind). I'm wondering if this is all part of the pattern where this compulsive commitment to not discontinue the commitment is an aid favoring the decision to invest.

I'm a monkey:-

It is this intense burst of enthusiasm backed up by rational support that fades away gradually also backed by rational inferences based on sound observations until I have something else to get enthusiastic about. I'm like a monkey that keeps grabbing branches of new investments only that I'm a monkey that's going nowhere.

How do I break this pattern?

[sakoz]

ragavpayne;  Your going to force yourself?  You lose.  You can't 'force' your involuntary; it's conditioned and hard-wired; what are the 'cues' being reacted to? That's what to look at.
See my post, "From Thought To Experience".  It looks to me your using the carrot on a stick ploy.  ( We all do, knowingly or unknowingly;.