Disillusioned by apathy and hypocrisy.

[Ants]

Greetings. I'm not sure if this is the correct forum or sub-forum for this, but feel free (admins) to transfer it to the correct location if I've got it wrong (and perhaps let me know somehow - thanks).

I feel terribly let down by a potent combination of apathy, selfishness and hypocrisy that I've encountered lately. I usually tell my husband when things hurt me, and he always knows how to comfort me, but I can't tell him about this one because it will hurt him too. What happened is that someone I don't know very well was apparently trying to rescue a dog from a shelter to prevent it from being put down. She said that the only thing holding her back from saving this life was the dog's adoption fee. I and another person donated towards the fee and liaised with this person and the shelter to make sure that the dog was given more time. The prospective adopter then started talking about the difficulty in getting the dog transported to where she was, so I began doing research and giving her information about how to arrange transportation, and I also said that if she honestly needed it, I'd contribute financially to the transportation as well (despite my poverty) because what I really cared about was to save this life. All the organisations involved ultimately had to talk to the adopter, not any third party. The prospective adopter made a half-hearted attempt to arrange transportation and collaborate with the shelter, but easily gave up when she didn't get immediate responses (instead of persevering like I was doing) while at the same time going on and on about 'praying' for this 'poor baby'. All this time, she was assuring me that she was 'waiting to hear back' and doing all she could. Meanwhile she was spending her time playing silly games on facebook. She did have time. She just prioritised.

Well, today I learned that the dog was put down. There's nothing we can do now: this innocent life is irreversibly lost. I tried so hard to save this life because this person promised, repeatedly, in no uncertain terms, to work tirelessly to use what little time was available to get this done. I am sickened, utterly sickened, by this person's constant sanctimonious whining about how religious she is and how hard she 'prays'. Acta, non verba. If she had mobilised herself with true determination and actually DONE something to save a living creature instead of sitting around 'praying' and feeling good about herself because of that, maybe this poor little being would be alive now. Maybe if she hadn't misled several people into thinking their efforts would lead to safety for this creature, it would have been adopted by someone less wishy-washy because the shelter wouldn't have thought that adoption was imminent and kept the dog on hold for this nefarious character.

I feel terribly sad about this poor creature, first and foremost. Below that there is immense anger and frustration caused by this person's apathy. In addition there is the deep contempt I feel when I compare her endless rhetoric about her 'Christian charity' and her utter failure to put her money where her mouth is. She feels GOOD about herself, you see, because she goes through the motions of her religion and substitutes that for doing genuine good. I, on the other hand, am an agnostic and have absolutely no idea if there are any supernatural entities or whether I'll be punished for evil deeds or rewarded for good ones. I do good and abstain from evil, to the best of my abilities, because I think it's right, not in order to reap rewards. Good deeds are not a TRANSACTION for me (with heaven as payment). I have saved many animals in my life (including one human) irrespective of the effort, risk or reward. (The human, in fact, never found out who I was, nor did I ever know his name). And if this person knew about my lack of religion she'd presumably dismiss me as a person bound for hell just because I don't subscribe to her particular beliefs. The hypocrisy makes my blood boil. At bottom, I feel that this apathy and hypocrisy - and its bearer - were responsible for the needless death of an innocent creature. I'm afraid I have to say that blood is on her hands.

I am seething with impotent rage. I feel deep, almost epic hatred and my mind is reeling from the sheer magnitude of my contempt combined with the grief caused by this needless loss of life. Obviously there's nothing I can do: nothing will bring this poor creature back, and that was the only truly important thing in this grim episode, making all else pale by comparison. But at least I need to tell someone about it, and I can't hurt my husband by telling him, nor can I tell my friends who are deeply involved in animal rescue, because it would break their hearts as well.

Thanks to anyone who has 'listened' and also to those who might send any ideas or suggestions. I hope you understand that sometimes, people need to confide in someone, and perhaps even the thoughts of kind strangers can help them to understand more about the world and about themselves. Meanwhile, and perhaps most crucially, we can all metaphorically drink to the memory of this poor creature whose life was needlessly wasted. If nothing else, this rant of mine will serve to prolong collective awareness of the innocent creature's brief existence for a few moments more.

Gratefully - Ants.

[sakoz]

May I suggest you read my post; "Assume - makes a ass of you and me., " I don't like that title, but I hope you find the rest of the text useful.

[S. Earl Martin]

Jesus said there are those who call him Lord who will never see the kingdom of Heaven. As far as Christianity goes many people think just knowing the name of Jesus is all you need to "be saved". This isn't true. Unless our actions show that we are truly trying to do the will of God? ( Love thy neighbor and be truthful in our devotion?) We are just fooling ourselves. I think the person you were refering to was scamming you. Personally I don't believe they wanted the dog. I think they wanted your money.

This world is very seldom fair and many people are con artists and thieves. That however doesn't stop those of us who have integrity from doing good. It is sad when things die. The fact that you realize that shows your true spirit. But death is part of life. We are all born dieing. Most things have a beginning and an end. Even though this one life ended you still can do things to help another life that is still here. Find your destiney and do what good you can. Don't give up or let the greedy people crush your spirit. Peace 

[Ants]

Thanks to both of you for taking the time to answer my long-winded rant!

The strange thing is that this woman could not (under ordinary circumstances) have profited or benefited from our donations because they went to the shelter, not to her. One can of course imagine quite a far-fetched scenario whereby she was 'in cahoots' with the shelter and they solicited soft-hearted people's donations and then shared 'the loot', but that would be quite a scandal if it were ever found out! Besides, Occam's razor would suggest assuming (aha, assuming!) the simplest explanation (tentatively of course) in the absence of other indications, and a diabolical booty-sharing conspiracy between a shelter and a fake adopter would seem rather less plausible than a case of laziness overcoming compassion. (Not that Occam's razor makes us know for certain what happened: obviously there are situations where highly implausible things turn out to be true. That's why sometimes one gets in trouble and is accused of lying when telling the truth: it may not sound as plausible as a well-crafted lie). With the limited information available to me, I can only speculate that she did want the dog, but when it turned out that rescuing the poor creature would have required a greater effort than she had perhaps imagined, she simply couldn't be bothered to make that extra effort in the short time available. She cared more about her immediate comfort than about the survival of a distant creature whose suffering she couldn't witness first-hand. It wouldn't be the first time that a human has made such a choice.

I also got the impression that her belief in supernatural agency and the afterlife diminished her motivation for helping. If the dog is going to heaven anyway, why help it? Why help anyone, then? That's where her 'logic' seems to lead. Not, of course, that she was necessarily acting in accordance with rational or indeed ethical considerations. She had an impulse to save the wittle fwuffy puppy, then it was too hard and she gave up, and then she rationalised it by muttering about heaven. So it seems to me. And in so doing she was perhaps paying insufficient attention to her role model, Jesus, who is instead portrayed as prioritising the welfare of others over his own. This is an aspect of what I interpreted as her hypocrisy in this case.

As for gullibility, again, one can only go by what limited information one has. In this case, there was the added pressure of urgency: time was so short that I didn't have the luxury to ruminate about various possibilities regarding this person's motives and likely behaviour. I could either do nothing and potentially deprive the poor creature of what was perhaps its only lifeline, or do something, perhaps providing it with its only chance to survive, but maybe fail and be incredibly disillusioned, angry and hurt. I chose the second, I was betrayed, and I did end up disillusioned, angry and hurt, which of course pales in comparison with what the dog paid for the failure of this effort. However, I still think that given the conditions under which I was operating, I made the ethical choice. I chose to help rather than not to help; and unlike the sanctimonious 'adopter', I prioritised another, distant creature's welfare over my own comfort. I acted on the assumption that this woman's emphatic and numerous protestations of commitment were genuine, given that I could not know for sure whether they were in fact genuine.

I'm always surprised, it's true, when I discover that someone was lying to me all along (though 'lying' probably isn't what happened here). Maybe it's because my expectations reflect my experiences of life so far. Of the large number of interactions with other humans that I've had over the years, most have not (at least, to my knowledge) involved lying. Lying is therefore an anomaly to me and it never fails to catch me off guard. It never fails to make me feel as if the ground had suddenly disintegrated, leaving me standing on thin air. It never fails to make me feel like a fool. I do go into things assuming honesty from the other party. Is it game theory? Is it an evolutionarily advantageous mechanism developed over aeons of interaction among humans and other primates before them? Is it the result of an empirical tendency to assume that if something usually happens (e.g. honesty) it will again mostly happen? Is it wishful thinking? Whatever it is, it can also be characterised as gullibility, insufficient cynicism, optimism, or many other things good or bad. Well, at least I'm analysing it to death, which can't be bad, right?

And of course I won't compromise my morality because of this highly unfortunate incident. I won't shy away from attempting to save other lives; I won't make this person's laziness, hypocrisy and betrayal hurt other beings that may need my help.

Any additional suggestions, meditations or other contributions will be appreciated and will be answered - maybe not immediately, but whenever a window of time appears.

Thanks again to you all - Ants.

[S. Earl Martin]

What ever the motivation of the other person was it suffices to say she didn't keep her end of the bargain. Why she did what she did? Who knows. Maybe at first she was sincere? Or it is possible she isn't playing with a full deck. It is good that you won't let it stop you from trusting others. Just because some people are dishonest? It doesn't mean everyone is. However I am finding more and more dishonesty. Especially with people who claim to be rightous. They make such a big effort to show how holy they are to hid the fact they are not. Although no one is really rightous.

There are charities that need help that are legitimate. I tend to support them because that way I know where my money is going. They can be checked on the internet. Peace and blessings be yours.

[hortonpilot]

Ants,
it should be easy for people in a christian setting to do the right thing but it is not automatic they adopt the best principals .
Ethical and decent behavior do not always come with education or experience of life,sometimes you find it where you expect it least.

You identified the path this person took and the fact they did not sincerely do what was required.
For some people it is enough to have good intentions and do things in a mannerist way even though the achieve little.

It's an interesting topic, how to deal with people's low expectations?
As you say the dog need not have died because of all this,pity .
Daily people do things on a larger scale and cause grief sometimes to countless people .

Horton