Fake memory/memory loss/denial. What to do with such a person?

[psy_guy]

Hi everyone. I'm a teenager and my mom has borrowed about 100-200 dollars (I'm not from US.) and she is denying, that she did that. Seems like she's lying on the first look, but if you look at her, she seems to be telling the truth (she thinks so.). So in my opinion, it's something like different reality in her memory. That happens often, especially on things, that she says and can be used against her or needs to be done, or promises. Especially those things. Is there something that can be done, to prevent that "alternate reality"?

[NataEames]

Dear, there is not any alternate reality - nothing that scary. Just plain textbook denial.

Denial is a defence mechanism, causing the person to refuse to admit something to themselves.

It is in a way a mental block, forcing her to push those things into her unconscious, out of her reach.

One explanation for that is that she is stressed and possibly doesn't have much money at the moment. And borrowing money means that she will have to return it and she cannot think about those things at the moment.

It would be helpful if you explain to me a little about your current situation.

[psy_guy]

That's why I wrote Alternate reality in quotes. It may mean something else in english though, but here it means, that you need to look at the word or a fraze from the other side, instead of reading it how it is. It's like that thing some people do with their hands in the air, when saying something like that. There's no alternate reality, i agree with that. But what i meant was, long in short: she thinks other things, than those, that really happen.

And little more explanation over here:
Well, she's borrowed those money from me last year, i think. She used to borrow money earlier from me, and deny, but then i wasn't sure, if that was the truth from my side, because i was a kid, like 10 years old, or 13 years old. You know, a messed up mind, not following things, etc. And now, I'm 18. I've no income, that was my savings.
And now my mom's story:
She doesn't have much money. She used to have more, but recently, on the crisis, the prices went up, especially in our small country, which i don't like, and payments are still the same. So basically, we are living from payment to payment. In simple words - she doesn't have much money, and it's unlikely, that she will have more money, because she probably isn't going to change her job, and they are not going to raise her payment.

If you need more specific details, or have questions - please ask more concrete, because it's really hard to tell something, when you don't know, what the person wants to know exactly.

[NataEames]

Try to understand that when your mother has money worries, the last thing she can let her mind think about is the money she borrowed from her child.

She isnt purposely doing this, she is just too stressed out right now and cannot accept more money worries to her mind. Try to be there for her and help her out. I'm sure that if she had money, she would give you every last coin in her pocket.

Which country are you in? Are you living alone with your mother? Do you have any other family nearby?

[psy_guy]

Well, be there for her would mean to get a job, which is not possible in here, because even people with university degrees. My country isn't very good, it's a poor country. So financial situation over here is really bad for most people.

Yes, I am living alone with my mother. I don't even know my father. I don't want to, though. And my mother haven't seen him or talked to him in years too.
No, I don't have any other families anywhere. Only relatives, that i do not know and are old. And they are not nearby, they are mostly scattered in villages.

[NataEames]

I lived alone with my mother too. I know what thats like. When she would come home from work, she would be very tired. I would try to help her a little around the house or run some errands for her.

Actually, talking from personal experience, if you just be kind to her and listen without judging, or sometimes just randomly give her a hug and tell her how much you love her and that you are glad she is there with you, it might make her happier than she has been in a long time.

Where are you from?

[psy_guy]

Well, our relationship ain't that good, we argue often, because she gets back nervous from work, she's caring about one more person, so she's even more nervous, than she would be from only work. That's why we are arguing often, so listen to her, or give her a hug, would be pretty much hard for me to do. It's quite... Impossible actually. Thanks for this advice though.

And I'm from Lithuania, why do you ask?

[NataEames]

Thats not true, dear. She is very stressed. Try to understand her pain instead of making your relationship another thing on her head. I dont live with my mom anymore and i now wish i hadnt taken her for granted. Your mom is all you have. Don't make my mistake please

[psy_guy]

Okay, thank you for your advices on this situation. It's nice to speak with a person, with ~~~the same experience.

[NataEames]

It's no problem. Message me or write on this post if you have anything further you would like to talk about. Take care and i hope your situation improves!