The beliefs and values that we have about the world influence the way that we process information from the world around us. The mind filters information in various ways that fit with our beliefs and values. This filtering can be divided into three modes of operation they are: Distortion Deletion and Generalisation.
Generalization
Generalization is where the speaker takes a particular experience applies it generically to a multitude of other situations (generalizes.) Molden and Hutchinson provide examples, words to look for and questions to ask:
Examples:
* You can’t run a family and work full-time.
* Children need discipline
* Nobody loves me.
Words to listen for:
* Can’t, unable, not possible
* Need, must, have to, go to, necessary, requirement.
* Everybody, nobody, anyone, every, always, never.
Questions to ask to challenge Generalisation:
* What can you do? What stops you? What tells you that? Who can’t? Do you know anyone who does? How many hours and days are you thinking of? What if you could?
* Need? Which children? Discipline in what way? What else do they need? who says?
* Nobody? Is there one person who doesn’t? What tells you that? How are you measuring love? How do you love anyone?
Deletion
Deletion is where details are deleted as the speaker chooses what to focus on. Molden and Hutchinson provide examples, words to look for and questions to ask:
Examples
* He’s a failure.
* Her children are not very bright.
* She rejected me.
* They were left to fend for themselves.
Words to listen for:
* Instances where a verb has been turned into a noun such as ‘failing at’ becomes ‘failure’ or ‘he is performing’ becomes ‘his performance’ or ‘he is succeeding’ becomes ‘his success.’
* Those which require an opposite such as good, bad, cold, hot, bright, dull, insincere, happy, sad, rich, poor.
* Verbs which require clarification.
* Non-specific references to people/things such as they, people, computers, children.
Questions to ask to challenge deletion:
* How did he fail exactly? What did he fail at? Who says so? Has he failed at everything he’s done? Is there nothing he has succeeded at? Has he not succeeded at drawing your attention? What else is he succeeding with?
* Compared to whom? What standard/who are you measuring them against? Bright in what way?
* What did she do that you are calling rejection?
* Who are they? What do you mean by ....?
Distortion
Distortion is when the speaker distorts something to mean something it was not intended to mean. words to look for and questions to ask:
Examples:
* He never buys me flowers so he doesn’t love me.
* My children are driving me crazy.
* I know you don’t want to support my initiative.
* Families should stick together through all life’s challenges.
Words to listen for:
* Statements that don’t ‘add up,’ where a conclusion stated in the second part is based on the meaning attached in the first part.
* Statements in which one thing causes another.
* Statements which include conjecture and suggest mind-reading.
* Statements lacking reference to the author.
Questions to ask to challenge distortion:
* In what way does him not buying you flowers mean that he doesn’t love you? So what ways does he show that he loves you?
* What specifically are you doing that causes you to feel crazy? What are your children doing when you choose to go crazy?
* How do you know? What tells you that? You can read my mind?
* Who said that? Who are you quoting?