Help me i'm desperate Pt 2

[Sauce1800]

Alright, same problem basically, but it has evolved a little.

I know it's long but read it it's entertaining I promise

 Basically, up until high school, I had an awesome personality. I was funny, creative, unique, etc.  Looking back, it seems like i was perfect. I love everything about who i was. I had all the right talents, and all the right flaws. It's hard to explain. But despite all that, I hated myself because was I didn't have a girlfriend (pathetically stupid I know), and changed myself completely to a shitty new personality in 9th grade because thought it would be better. I developed almost an entire new mode of thinking. I lost friends and developed social problems in 9th grade because this new personality was annoying and weird, yet I preferred it anyway because it made me better at socializing with people i met on the internet (yes i was actually this fucking stupid)

So basically, all the power people have to use neuroplasticity to change themselves, I used to ruin myself. You hear about how we have so much control over our destinies, and well I used every inch of that power i could to go as far down the wrong direction as possible

After 9th grade I finally realized that the new personality was more bad than good. I spent 10th and 11th grade trying to recreate a new personality, but none of them really worked because i still had mis-skewed views of reality. Now, in 12th grade, I finally am able to realize that the one I had in middle school was the best. But I'm worried that since I've spent 3 years changing myself away from that personality, I have lost it.

But what if I could recreate myself and become awesome again? I doubt it. Since i obviously cant recreate the same personality, il have to find a new one. Now, I had a great childhood in terms of how it could of shaped me. It was crazy with tons of good and bad things going on, and an interesting mix of people. It's hard to explain (again), but basically, I'm pretty sure it was one of a kind and made me the interesting person I was. So I think il have to live my life with an inferior personality because I will never be able to recreate such great experiences to shape me. My awesome childhood might as well have never happened because I have changed myself from the person it made me.

So did I really lose the "awesome" person I used to be? Can I become as good again? Has my childhood really became irrelevant?
 
PLEASE tell me im crazy. PLEASE tell me I have nothing to worry about. PLEASE tell me that I can be awesome again. Don't have to be a psychologist or a neuroscientist to respond. I'll appreciate ANY REPLIES AT ALL

Ok I know I lied about the entertaining part but whatever

THANKS FOR READING

[Enigma]

From your other thread:

Your view on synaptic pruning is a little off.  It doesn't "cut off" parts of the brain you don't use (you actually use all of your brain); instead pruning reorganizes connections to make synaptic transmission more efficient.  When neurons develop, they form all sorts of connections with other surrounding neurons.  Synaptic pruning cuts off these unused superfluous connections so the neural signal can take the fastest route to wherever it needs to go.  Neuroplasticity is a pretty broad concept that ranges from the molecular level all the way up to the systems level but you got the basics right: your brain has the ability to adapt (structurally and functionally) to the environment.  It is most evident during critical periods of development but still continues into adulthood. 

You haven't lost your personality; you entered puberty and your brain amped up production of a pantheon of different chemicals and hormones that led to a whole range of new feelings, emotions, and behavior.  There still is an awesome person inside of you but to access this person you need to understand yourself and become comfortable with who you are.  Don't sweat this too much; high school is basically shit and means almost nothing in the real world.

Wow haha, thanks. Lol you idea how how relieved I am.

But just to make sure, I didn't literally mean parts of the brain. I really meant the certain combination of connections and synapses. I know that you actually literally don't lose parts of your brain. So this still means that I can't lose my personality and creativity right?

Because I read this article and it said

"the growth in gray matter followed by the pruning of connections is a particularly important stage of brain development in which what teens do or do not do can affect them for the rest of their lives. He calls this the "use it or lose it principle," and tells FRONTLINE, "If a teen is doing music or sports or academics, those are the cells and connections that will be hardwired. If they're lying on the couch or playing video games or MTV, those are the cells and connections that are going to survive."".

 Why can't say that because of "use it or lose it", since I haven't really used my personality, I'm going to lose it?

And also I remember reading an article about how the internet taking over the world and spending so much time on the computer is changing how our brains think. So doesn't having our environment effect how we think also mean it effects our personality?

And also I always hear adults talk about childhood creativity and how you become more boring as you grow older. Does this actually happen? Because if it does, doesn't that mean that it is possible to lose your personality and become dull and boring?

And by personality, I just don't mean qualities like extroverted, introverted, etc. I mean things like how funny I am too.

not to sound like I'm doubting you I just want to be 100% sure I have nothing to worry about.

Your personality is something you use every day, whether you like it or not.  It can be changed through brain injuries to the frontal lobes (see the case of Phineas Gage) but it's pretty hard to lose it completely (short of full fledged catatonic schizophrenia).

Your FRONTLINE article sounds a little sensationalized.  Brain development (which continues throughout adolescence and into early adulthood) is an incredibly complex process involving multitudes of confounding variables that is a lot less clear cut than the article makes it sound. 

You sound like me at your age: not very sociable, unsure of myself and who I really was...but I made an effort to understand who I was, why I was, and who I wanted to become; then I went to college, found myself (with a little aid from my friends Mary Jane and Lucy but that's another story), and became the outstanding human being I am today.  I know it may be hard to imagine, but who you were and what you did in high school really doesn't mean shit in the real world.  What matters is how you use your tribulations to guide yourself toward who you want to become. 

That isn't exactly how neural pruning works, you have nothing to worry about, and you're not being crazy: you're being a pretty normal teenager. 

[SWM]

You sound like me at your age: not very sociable, unsure of myself and who I really was.

and probably 50% of all teenagers.

[voodoo scientist]

The other 50%, the one I belonged to (if you can imagine so absurd a thing as an imperfect manifestation of yours truly), are oversocialized and oversure of who they are and end up causing just as many problems for themselves. Well-adjusted teenagers are mythical creatures which ironically only exist in the minds of normal teenagers.

Solid response in your quote there, by the way, Enigma.

[sakoz]

Sauce1800;  Do you think your responsible for your thoughts? Or your merely a recipient of whatever your brain, nerve cells, synapses "serve up" to your awareness?
You can use a guitar to produce melodious sounds, do you 'use' your brain to produce 'thoughts'? Why produce discordant thoughts that in turn cause depression, etc.?

[Sauce1800]

Thank you guys so much for the great responses!!! I feel so much better now.

But just to make sure...

I know it may be hard to imagine, but who you were and what you did in high school really doesn't mean shit in the real world. 

you mean this in a neurological, brain developing way, right? Not as in you-leave-your-high-school-life-behind-and-start-over-in-college type way?

Sauce1800;  Do you think your responsible for your thoughts? Or your merely a recipient of whatever your brain, nerve cells, synapses "serve up" to your awareness?
You can use a guitar to produce melodious sounds, do you 'use' your brain to produce 'thoughts'? Why produce discordant thoughts that in turn cause depression, etc.?

Honestly I don't know if I'm responsible for my own thoughts.

[Enigma]

Thank you guys so much for the great responses!!! I feel so much better now.

But just to make sure...

I know it may be hard to imagine, but who you were and what you did in high school really doesn't mean shit in the real world. 

you mean this in a neurological, brain developing way, right? Not as in you-leave-your-high-school-life-behind-and-start-over-in-college type way?

A little bit of both.  Like I said, your brain continues to develop until adulthood and socially, no one really cares (or even really knows) what you did and who you were in high school.  You can definitely start over in college if you so choose. 

[Sauce1800]

I'm confused. Pruning in teen years is an important stage in the development of the brain, so shouldn't that mean it's important for developing who you are, therefore it actually matters a lot?  Why does the fact that the brain continues to develop in adulthood mean that how your brain develops in high school isn't important?

It can be changed through brain injuries to the frontal lobes (see the case of Phineas Gage) but it's pretty hard to lose it completely (short of full fledged catatonic schizophrenia).

Are those the only ways to change your personality? So events and environment have no effect on your personality at all?

[MandaBear]

Dude. You're way overreacting. Don't worry about it! I was the same way in high school, and aside from still living in a dysfunctional home environment, my life is SO much better. I have friends, and even my first boyfriend. And it's funny that you mention age 14—because that's precisely the age where my personality did a complete 180 turn (for the better). I started thinking in radically different ways and even hated the way I used to be. If what you're saying is true, how was that possible?

I'm not discrediting the whole scientific theory, I'm just saying it's not nearly as big a deal as you make it out to be. Anyway, things aren't that black and white. It's not like you turn 14 and your brain automatically goes "it's Sauce's 14th birthday, time to rewire his/her brain!" I'm sure it's different for everyone. (I can actually sort of relate, because I get depressed when they say your brain is less plastic after you turn 25, but I know that just means I'll have to try slightly harder to compensate. I'll never stop learning!)

But regardless, the fact that you're even worrying about this shows you have some degree of introspection and awareness. People have the power to override their biological wiring. At least when it comes to thinking patterns. I suggest finding out your MBTI personality type (don't take the test, it's inaccurate—do the research and figure it out yourself). Delve deep enough into MBTI to understand the 16 cognitive functions—this is really important, as most people only get the watered-down four letter version. It takes time, since it's a complex system, but you'll find it very rewarding! It will help you identify and access the cognitive functions that you use the least, and then you'll be able to strengthen them. No matter how old you are.

[sakoz]

MandaBear; "I started thinking in radically different ways....."    Bravo
                  " People have the power to override their biological wiring."   Encore

[Sauce1800]

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! You really helped. I have a slightly different problem now though. It's a little less bad now, but is still ruining me. Plz help (again) I'd rreeeaaallllyyy appreciate it

[xynthal]

sounds like you felt you had nothing to attain, societally i mean... you were the epitomistic cool kid... sucks to be one... once one... must progress or will regress... find new ways of being unique that do not contradict who you have built as a perceptable person...

xyn...

[Sauce1800]

sounds like you felt you had nothing to attain, societally i mean... you were the epitomistic cool kid... sucks to be one... once one... must progress or will regress... find new ways of being unique that do not contradict who you have built as a perceptable person...

xyn...

Sorry but I don't understand what you just said...

also, I was not the epitomistic cool kid. That's not what I meant by being awesome. I might of actually been the exact opposite. That's why I hated myself, because I wasn't part of the popular crowd