I feel like I know you already Schizo, or do I?
As for myself, I am a reserved person. But my foundation has a few cracks in it, and some of my feelings come out every now and then. I would like to be a caring person, but I find it hard to share myself with other people, due to some past experiences. But underneath it all, I'm just a kid. I feel like I should be able to share more, but for some reason I'm at a loss right now. Oh well.
Anyway, that's me in a nutshell.
Actually, I found this quite beautiful, albeit sad in some ways of course.
Have been talking a lot with Cecile and others about how we want wisdom, softness, humor, sexuality, sweetness, fun, vulnerability, responsibility and all kinds of other stuff- but we're often not willing to be those things to begin with. Unfortunately, as you've been on the non-fun end of it appears from the above, getting hurt by people makes those things less possible.
That said, am a huge fan of being willing to get my feelings hurt anyway. Being in a place where I feel like I know how to be hurt, sad, ashamed, afraid, and/or mad pretty gracefully, in a way that actually makes those things less intense, it's a little easier for me to go out in the world and be vulnerable, to take risks with folk. While maybe not terribly heartening, at least, it maintains a personhood I'm deeply committed to behaving with. If nothing else, I feel like I am being who I am, and there is some comfort in that.
Doesn't help that there's not always people in the world to process it with. We oft feel like we're "overburdening" people (funny, because we scarcely ask them), like they're simply not interested, or we end up suffering more because they say something hurtful or dismissive or whatever. That still happens to me sometimes, but I live with it, process that too, and try to find people who might be a little better for me e-motionally/spiritually. It's not optimal, but it's oft what we have.
My hope? That you can find such people in your life, such willingness in yourself. None of us deserves to go through an otherwise confusing world feeling so separate from "other" people. I promise to keep doin' it at least.