Is thinking what if something would've happened differently a bad thing?

[psy_guy]

Today I've read an article about thinking about past things and then feeling bad about what you did and then thinking how else it could've end up... Again while feeling bad about it... Is a phobia. That wasn't logical to me, so I decided to post a post about it.
I am thinking sometimes, quite often actually, what I've done in the past, what my life is now, how it would end up if I did something differently, how the situation might've changed if I would've done something differently and I am feeling very bad about these things, since I can instantly think of so many ways to do the things I did to do them better than I did. It shows that I'm getting smarter though, so this is a good thing.
Anyway, is this normal to think about that a lot? I'd like to stop, but thoughts are getting into your head and you can think about something else, but they are still getting into the front of it. Then it makes you frustrated, sad, you don't want to do something you usually would like to do, what would get your mind off, and you ruin your mood until something spontanious happens, which makes you happier. It isn't really a good thing, it is a bad thing, and so I'd like not to do it. I realize that thinking about it won't change anything, etc., but my uncountious mind seems not to get the rational part of my thinking...

[S. Earl Martin]

Regrets? Yes I have many. Like why did I waste so much time getting drunk and stoned? Or why didn't I tell this girl how much I loved her and try and win her back. Instead of being all prideful and letting her go? Etc. Etc. We are who we are because of the choices we made. I look at it like this. I did what I did. I can't change it so I learn the lessons I learn and realize if I would have done this instead of that? I wouldn't have meet the people I meet and learned what I learned. Would I have been happier or richer or more powerful if I had done things differently? Maybe.
Example: I have been told by a lot of people I have a real good singing voice. I never took music seriously. It was just a hobbie. If I would have devoted my life to doing music would I have been a famous singer? Maybe. I may have been a failure. Or I may have made it and hated it like Kurt Cobain and killed myself. It is to late now so who cares. Set goals as to where you go from here. Make the best of what you have and move on. Life can be a hell of a ride. Just live it. Peace

[S. Earl Martin]

Nurse Reveals Top 5 Regrets of the Dying
"For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Because of my illness. Someone sent this to me. I found it interesting.