Jealousy as it relates in Choice Theory?

[HW7]

This is my first post, but if it goes well I will use much more.  If anything's unclear or w/e I'll gladly clarify.  I know quite a bit about psych, though I haven't applied to any schools yet.  I guess my practical understanding is good, but my educational book knowledge isn't phenomenal.  I don't know all the theory names and such...

I am a proponent of choice theory and I have been looking all day for how jealousy relates to me through choice theory.  I know that no one can tell me what needs I am trying to settle and what not, but I'm looking for just some ideas on jealousy and envy in general.  Why do we get jealous?  Case in point:  Last week I was with this girl and everything was totally cool on the envy front.  Over the weekend things kicked up a notch.  Now when she talks about other guys, I get jealous.  I would like to understand what changed.  I believe that my expectation of our relationship changed, and that's what caused the difference.  I am looking to go back though because I'm not willing to tank a relationship because of an irrational emotion.

[pert -5]

This is my first post, but if it goes well I will use much more.  If anything's unclear or w/e I'll gladly clarify.  I know quite a bit about psych, though I haven't applied to any schools yet.  I guess my practical understanding is good, but my educational book knowledge isn't phenomenal.  I don't know all the theory names and such...

I am a proponent of choice theory and I have been looking all day for how jealousy relates to me through choice theory.  I know that no one can tell me what needs I am trying to settle and what not, but I'm looking for just some ideas on jealousy and envy in general.  Why do we get jealous?

Hi.    (When I write "you" I don't mean YOU!) 

You get jealous because you see what others are inclined toward or possess, and you wish to replicate their "seeming" joy.  Jealousy is a failure to assimilate one's own desires within reality.  Thus there is a cauldron of bubbling hate and greed and avarice that is being churned and turned and stirred in the mind of the jealous one; but it is their own brew.

Possessiveness is the father of jealousy.  If you desire to possess you will experience jealousy.  I am speaking from a purely mental perspective, not necessarily physical.

[HW7]

That makes sense and I have always had materialistic tendencies so in that sense it is logical.  I'm not sure how familiar you are with choice theory or the like.  But what I feel like you are saying is that when I see someone have something that seems to make them happy or that I know makes me happy I place that item into my quality world.  And since they have that item in their life I begin to resent them for the fact that they have and I don't even though what I DO have kept me perfectly happy up until that point.  Is that fairly accurate?

[pert -5]

That makes sense and I have always had materialistic tendencies so in that sense it is logical.  I'm not sure how familiar you are with choice theory or the like.  But what I feel like you are saying is that when I see someone have something that seems to make them happy or that I know makes me happy I place that item into my quality world.

OK, that's an interesting way of putting it.  The evoked subjectivity manifests into that 'quality world.'

 And since they have that item in their life I begin to resent them for the fact that they have and I don't even though what I DO have kept me perfectly happy up until that point.  Is that fairly accurate?

Yeah, but the Cause of the desire is what you will ultimately want to be looking for...  The "driving influence" is where it is all at.  

[HW7]

We're talking about what need i am trying to fill with said item when you refer to "driving influence"?  If so, that would imply that meeting that need in a way that I didn't need to acquire the item (or in this case, relationship) would stop the jealousy.  And the cause of desire would be the feeling that I BELIEVE I would attain by getting what I was jealous for?

[pert -5]

We're talking about what need i am trying to fill with said item when you refer to "driving influence"?  If so, that would imply that meeting that need in a way that I didn't need to acquire the item (or in this case, relationship) would stop the jealousy.  And the cause of desire would be the feeling that I BELIEVE I would attain by getting what I was jealous for?

I can't argue with that.  As an example:

Let's say that you have a large hole in the roof of your home, and when it rains this large hole allows the water to get into your home and you get several small leaks from your walls and ceiling.  One way of dealing with this would be to fix all of the leaks inside the home as they occur, constantly having to fix new ones as they arise.  The other way would be to cut the problem off at the root and repair the hole in the roof, thereby stopping all future occurence of inside leakage.

[ConsciousPuppet]

Jealusy breeds from fear and insecurity, powerlesness has its part too.
     I could fear the fact of not obtaining what i want. Since we talk not only about what I want, but about what another wants, I am insecure about the other wanting someone else more than me. I am afraid that my identity to that person might be replaced with someone else. I am insecure about my ability to keep that person interested in me, at least for the time being, I fear being discarded for another. I know the limit of my power over that person, the atraction I conferr over her(him).

Just throwing ideas.

[HW7]

Just throwing ideas.

What you said is profoundly accurate to how this whole post came about.  I feel like I can break down so many of my emotions the way you just did to jealousy, but I have been stumped by jealousy for a while.  Well, I really never had a reason to look at it.

[ellijos5]

I know this isn't probably the best way to deal with jelous or anxiety because of insecurity lol but i would like to share anyway.

I have been talking to this girl that means the world to me, like I wake up everyday for her.  But she is the type where i got clingy she would be turned off.  Most the time I can keep my cool, but sometimes I like want to pour myself out, but i know i can't do this yet.  Anytime i feel like insecure or jealous that she doesn't like me any more i just pop a few pills or do something to make myself happy and not worry.  It works like a charm for me cause now she likes me alot more because all the other guys goggle over her and i stay chill about it.  I know most people would probably say this is bad but it really helps me out.