Psycholocial self creating problems in psysical self.

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Yesterday I spent time with someone, which is unusual because I'd rather not, but I thought the change would do me some good, but rather it confirmed even more that people are ignorant, stupid and selfish.

I was picked up and taken for a ride, I was told within minutes that she's been having panick attacks and didn't want to spend the day alone, I said "O thanks, so you're just using me for company".. to which she deinied but she was.

This person goes to the doctor if she has a spot on her face or an ache in her leg within hours, and is what's commonly known as a hypercondriact (for want of a better medical term). All the journey she talked about herself and what she'd been up to, to which I just listened and made the odd comment. At our destination (an hour later) there were books on display and I began to talk about Don Quixote, her body language told me she wasn't interested in what I was saying as she turned away and said "I wish I had time to read a book"and then talked of a book or two she had read.
I said I'd fallen alseep reading the book the night before and had an incredible dream that was a narrative of equal genuis and I'd awoke in the night hoping to find a pen and paper by my bed to write the story down, only too tired I fell back asleep. To which she said "O that's happened to me and.." I interupted her as I hadn't finished and contined with "On my waking in the morning it was clear to me the waking up during the night in search of a pen had also been a part of my dream", and I continued "I keep dreaming I'm waking up, a dream in a dream sort of serario".. She'd lost interest by the time I'd completed that sentence and was looking at the cover of a book she's picked up. "I've read this" she said, and I asked what it was about.

We spent some time looking at things, walking, eating (but she has celiac so it was an epic adventure finding celiac friendly food) I even entered a church (god forbid), because it was pouring down with rain and the door was open so we took shelter, while there I pointed out the cross displayed is actually a pagan symbol of the sun on the crux, then left & set off home. (which was another epic because she needed the ladies because of other medical problems)

On the journey back she continued to talk of herself, her experienced and her ailments.. She mentioned for a second time she's been having free counselling at work and I said counselling's ok if you like to talk about yourself and she said "But I don't like to talk about myself" and I said "Wow, stop right there, and don't take this as criticism but you don't talk about anything else except YOURSELF" and she said "No I don't" and I said "Yes you do" and recalled all the stories of herself she had told me throught the day and she said "Well you do too" and I said no I don't I talked about subject, I talked about Don Quiote but you wern't intereted so talked about the books you had read instead, I talked about my dream but you tried to interupt to talk about yours, I also talked about Moomins, magic mushrooms, Egypt, politics, art and comedy but if you couldn't relate the subject to yourself you turned away looking bored so I stopped, BUT if you could relate to that subject you would interupt and take over with a story of your own about YOURSELF"..

I went on to say that's how she relates to the world and most people only talk about themselves and there is nothing wrong in that.. She gets upset easily and cries alot and as tears swelled in her eyes she said "Well I don't like to talk about my ailments and make peope feel sorry for me" and I replied saying it's a misconception that people will feel sorry for those ill, they are more likely to be repulsed by them and see them as a threat to their own wellbeing, as diesease for example is contagious and a threat.
"Would you feel sorry for or replused by someone who told you they had leopracy" she said - repulsed. I said people make a lot of money out of people being ill and it's encouraced. I later showed her a 'Psychology of Discust Test' for fun, but I don't think the penny dropped.

So here's the thing; she's a person who's only able to talk about herself, I believe she's self obsessed which contributes if not controlls her physical wellbeing. Whatever I say she tries to relate the subject to herself and if she can't she show's no interest. I said after she had told me how many x-rays she'd had that week for everything from feeling dizzy to a sore throat and I said x-rays themselves are dangerous if exposed to too many, and went on to say I'd also had an x-ray for dental purposes and woke up with a sore throat the morning after, I would avoid being exposed to too many I said as a warning... the word x-ray is something she's only too familiar with and enquired further to see if what I'd gone for, she had the same symtoms also. I mentioned a heamotologist had said something and again she perked up and tried to relate a blood condition to her own many ailments .. searching desperately within her 'invisible medical library of self' to find connections.

I said as a rule of thumb if I'm ill and not better in a week only then will I seek medical advice, "Remember" I said "We are largely SELF HEALING.. a cut will heal, just like a pain or a feeling of unwell will most often go". But she doesn't think like that. I said as she has exhausted every avenue possible for physical wellbeing maybe it's time to explore the psychological, as the psychological can cause physical symptoms. I chose my words carefully to make it sound a serious & psysical condition, otherwise she would have taken 'psychological problems' as an insult..

But the more spend time with her the more I notice a link between the two, the psychological and the psysical seem to have the same 'self obsessed personality'..  I wonder if it's observable through behavours as above.. And if there is indeed a link.. Any thoughts? or maybe this is just me ranting about why people piss me off with their all selfish, self obsessed and ignorant selves.. That's why I can't be doing with people, my own company is way better :-) I really would rather talk to myself!
But humans and all their strangeness can be quite interesting to observe I suppose. But if she comes again I'm warning her she's got 3 stories max of self before I ?......

[SWM]

having gotten the rant out of the way, could you explain what you mean by the link psychological and physiological.  of course they are linked they are the same system operating in different ways. but what is it that you are observinng which you would like to understand?

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hehe...  I've been out now & mixed with 'normal' people, so it seems somewhat trivial and mad of me two write the above, or maybe it's the gin that has trivialised it for now..

hehe I'm sorry my bad spelling I meant to write psychological causing physical pain. This is the closest I can find. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatoform_disorder
(x-rays, doctors, specialst etc can never find any problems - many refuse to see her now) so what I was getting at because she's only interested in self, this extends to her body too and wondered if indeed - her mind is causing her to experience psysical pain?
If all people who appear hypercondriacts are self obsessed with similar observable behavours..
the external world doesn't seem to matter to them, they're too busy with thoughts of themselves to have an interest in external stimuli.

[SWM]

Health Anxiety, Somatisation Disorder and Medically Unexplained Symptoms (MUS) can be treated using CBT or Hypnotherapy. A decent GP would now this and refer her to Psychological Therapy Service or Health Psychologist.

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When I suggested most subtle that she explore the psycological she wondered what treatment could be offered and I said probably 'behavioural therapy' I purposely didn't say CBT though.

And I tried to put this in practice later as she was desperate to use the loo and told me stories of when she hadn't quite made it in time, I said it's likely to be that she knows she can releave herself so her brain is signalling to her bladder that she's in the vacinity and it's ok (that message is clear but the message of hold on a just a bit longer isn't generated or getting through).

So when we arrive at my house and she's going on and on how bursting she is while getting out of the car and warning me she may not make it to my bathroom in time, I said "Your brain knows you can releave the pressure soon, I don't want wet stairs and I'm telling you when you get to the top of the stairs my bathroom is another 5 minute walk, so you can't go to the toilet just yet, forget going to the toilet you're miles away from one".. because she was clearly telling herself she could, but she has no control over when.

You know what I think of 'therapies' but I think you're right and I can see it could have a positive effect if it was a 'behaviour' therapy, changing her 'thinking' behavoiurs as above (the goal post of the toilet not as close as she thinks) may be of benefit.  And She's already paid small fortunes for manipultion therapy, eft, tft, hypnotherapy and everything else that preceeds the word therapry, she's done it all, because everything she does is for her.

I think I'll be wasting my time if I mention it now, but you're right, I'll wait a while then make it sound like a specialist area of medical research with perticular use of langage that will make it appealing to her. Specialist, medical, test, treatment, therapy, are words she likes. Ta!

[SWM]

And I tried to put this in practice later as she was desperate to use the loo and told me stories of when she hadn't quite made it in time, I said it's likely to be that she knows she can releave herself so her brain is signalling to her bladder that she's in the vacinity and it's ok (that message is clear but the message of hold on a just a bit longer isn't generated or getting through).

this could be true. however as i understand the connection between cognition and physiological reponses the cognitions in this situaiton could possibly be slightly different from those you state.

IMO her cognitions would more likely be along the lines of "i cant make it" "i cant hold it" "i will have an accident" imagery of the undesired situation would accompany the thoughts. images of spoiling your carpets, ringing her soaking pants out, etc. anxiety increases which would cause the nervous system to accelerate and the need for evactuation of bodily function would become more urgent. reinforcing the negative self talk and imagery.

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Yes, that's interesting and just as feasible. As you also noticed the 'negative' attitude, which gets irritating, she'll say "I wish I had time to read a book" followed by "I went to A&E with a pain in my arm and I had to wait 4 hours to be seen"... I conclude the woman is crazy..
But trying to change a negative attitude into a positive one is like trying to change a muslim into a catholic.. I'm not sure it's possible, they engage in all the same psychology, denial, ignorance, conformation bias etc.. And is it wrong? or just a difference that is part of their identity, such an integral part of their identity they cling tight hold of, because without it, would there be anything left?