[NSFW] Psychology of a cuckold

[NataEames]

I think it may be the case. I suggest you look into Freud's "Five stages of development". During that time in the childhood is when most of these things are inlaid into the mind.

[subguy2]

this is interesting , my wife to be (we are engaged) was hesitant to cuckold me untill she read my intimate sexual history.
 i did an inventory of my first crush, my first masterbation, and subsequntly who i was watching or looking at..how i felt..
my first voyeur experiance, my first girl friend that wouldnt let me touch her, my first intercourse experiance that was a failure and i was humiliated by it,
my constant premature ejactulation that left the woman in my life upset and having to get off on dildos as i sat there, my now ex wife that had a boyfriend and i didnt know why..
it was a very self aware "inventory for me"
then i saw the pattern , every woman left me for some one else and they were not sexually satisfied..
that was my NORMAL from all my relationships
.i expect every woman to need more
 only she was the only one who communicated it to me..
 my fiance was the only one who LOVED ME enough to stay with me and ensure she had sexual satisfaction at the same time...albeit with or with out me
im not saying we dont have some great sex, we do ,
 i just know she can have a lot more and better and we agree cuckolding is the way . we didnt even know it had a name really ....till we checked it out.

im sure you all KNOW WHATS IN IT FOR YOU, EXCITEMENT HUMILIATION ADRENAL RUSH PANIC KINK...YOU NEED TO DISCOVER WHATS IN IT FOR HER AND YOU BOTH AS A COUPLE...
i can find the inventory sheet if any one asks...then you can do some soul searching from child to adult..as i said it was my relationship NORMAL and i never knew it till i wrote down every relationship and looked at the pattern..
subguy2@hotmail.com

[NataEames]

Wow, that is very interesting! I definitely want those inventories lol
if you can find and pm or email it, that would be great - nata_eames@yahoo.com

[psych154]

Hello everyone. I'm 21, and have been very interested in this topic, and like most of you, found this thread through Google. I'm actually on the other half though, and the guy that enjoys the fantasy of being with the cuckold's wife/girlfriend. I never really understood the reason behind wanting your spouse to be with someone else, but it's been interesting reading the posts of this thread. The main reason I'm researching this is I want to stop my fetish of being with another man's wife/girlfriend, because I know that if I want to start a real relationship, I can't be going to those types of sites and talking with people also partaking in the fetish.

Background
Unlike a lot of people, my upbringing wasn't bad at all. I had a loving family with no divorce, very religious and caring, and was very happy. A big problem was that, I was shy. I was very shy. I never liked talking to people in school, raising my hand to ask a question, or being the center of attention. I would often get called out by people, telling me how I didn't talk enough, or teachers saying I should talk more. Currently, I have never dated and never had a girlfriend. I am much more open and confident than I used to be, but still not to where I'd like to be, and I feel like this fetish is one of the problems holding me back.

Porn
I started looking at porn around the same time most guys do, when puberty starts, and was just into looking at girls by themselves. During high school I moved onto more hardcore porn, where there was a guy and girl, with most of the time the girl being portrayed as a sex object. I also started reading erotic literature, which I found to be a bigger turn on than porn. It allowed me to picture the fantasy happening in my head, and felt much more realistic than watching porn. This made me curious to start trying cyber sex, which I did.

Cyber Sex
I would roleplay scenes with females, and I really enjoyed being submissive. I would spend hours finding a female to role play about her dominating me through chat (would never do it for real). As time went on, I started to leave that fantasy behind, and become more interested in older women or "Milfs/Cougars". I would role play things like, friend's mom and neighbors with them, never caring or asking if they were married or not. I would often look at "milf" porn as well while chatting, or sometimes without chatting, as it seemed to increase the satisfaction.

Finding Out About Cuckolding
One day I was looking for pictures of older women/cougars to look at when I came across a cuckolding site (not knowing was that was at the time) and starting looking around. What I found shocked me.  I could not believe that guys were actually posting pictures of their wives/girlfriends on the internet, hoping other men would look at them or fantasize about them. I would never want that, I thought to myself. Why would you want your best friend and life partner to be used by someone else just for some quick pleasure? That feeling only lasted a while though, as I started to browse through the site, becoming aroused at other guy's wives/girlfriends. I would comment on the pictures, telling them how I'd love to be with her, to which they obviously loved to hear.

More about Cuckolding
I started to get more involved with the site, often checking to see the new women posted there and leaving compliments on their pictures of how great they looked, etc. I started finding cuckold's in the chat room, and talking with them or role playing about me being with their wife, and them often sharing pictures of her as well. I loved knowing I was humiliating him. I even enjoyed some role plays where he'd talk about watching me and her as he sat in the corner while I satisfied her, telling them how he will never be able to please her again and that he was worthless. I also kept chatting with older women in chat rooms, but would often ask if they were married and if they weren't, found it less exciting. When I role played with wives, I would often ask them where their husband was/is and would make her comment about how she wanted me more than him. I thought it was only older women and married couples for a while, but I also found talks of girlfriend's cheating and cuckold boyfriends sharing their girlfriend just as arousing.

On the cuckold site, there was also a section where guys would post pictures of themselves (which I never did). A lot of cuckold guys would go there and comment on how they wished their wife/girlfriend would be with a guy that big. There were also wives of cuckolds that were there searching for lovers/commenting on pictures. I was curious about it for a little while and went to look, but found it disgusting and still couldn't believe a guy could be turned on by this. One thing I did notice when I went there though is I would curiously glance at pictures of cuckolds/small guys posting themselves for humiliation purposes, which would make me feel superior to them. (I'm slightly above average, so no real size advantages/dis-advantages)

Wanting to Change/Realizations
I knew I wanted to stop this when I talked to one couple online. They were in their mid 30's and he was always away on business, and wanted her to talk with another guy (phone sex). It was the only time I had phone sex, me and her talking as he listened, and when it was over, I felt so bad that I knew I had to change. I also started to analyze why I was doing this and started to research it more. I noticed that when I first started in all this, I was all about the submissive fetish, but I now feel that was more about pleasing a woman (which can be done without degrading yourself). I would never be submissive to a guy. I also started to realize how big my shyness, and lack of a girlfriend through my life, came into play. I discovered that the main reason I liked the fantasy of being with another guys wife/girlfriend, was he was now feeling my pain. I was no longer jealous of them having a partner because I would get to use their partner. They were now the ones feeling alone, jealous and depressed, and I was both satisfying her and acquiring someone that cared about me emotionally/sexually. I could accomplish all this through the fantasy of chat/pictures(even though I would never share my pictures), and not having to worry about pregnancy, STD's, or any other negatives.

Overcoming It
I still struggle with the fetish, occasionally going into the chat room and talking with cuckolds or wives/girlfriends or looking at their pictures, but I'm trying my hardest to overcome it (and I slowly, but surely, am). Every time I take one step back, I make sure to take two steps forward in the right direction. I know the main thing I need to overcome is my social anxiety, and feel my main reason for doing it is my lack of a girlfriend that I desperately want. Instead of living with my fears and repressing/covering them up, I am slowly but surely becoming more self confident, conquering my fears, and talking to more girls my age. I know for a fact that I would stop all of this once I got a girlfriend, just because of how loyal I am, and would never cheat on someone. I am not into party girls, especially for someone I would date, so I'm not too worried about her cheating on me since I prefer girls with good morales and values. I would rather be single than date a wild girl. Overall, I wanted to give the people who are cuckolds the viewpoint from the other side, and see the main psychological differences between being the cuckold and the alpha male.

Psychological Analyzation - Cuckold
After reading this thread, it seems like there are a few reasons a guy could be a cuckold:

1. He is afraid his wife/girlfriend will cheat on him, so rather than trying to talk with her about it or control her, he requests she sees another guy so he doesn't have to worry about her cheating on him any longer. He has to accept the fact that she is being satisfied by another man, but he no longer lives with the fear of being cheated on. It's like a what a previous poster said; You are in a race, but decide to just quit half way through because you don't want the pain of putting forth all your effort to be disappointed when you don't win. You might not get to feel the amazing feeling of having an intimate life partner, but you don't have to go through the pain of being cheated on by someone you deeply care about. You just sit in between the two extremes.

2. Past pain. They have been hurt in the past by an incident involving family/friends/loved ones/etc. and those repressed memories and fears come out as this sexual fetish. Going to a psychologist and talking about these problems is probably the best option here.

3. Low self confidence/self esteem. He does not feel he can satisfy his wife/girlfriend as well as another man can, and wants her to be satisfied, so he tells her to go be with other men. This can also be seen as somewhat submissive since the man cares about pleasing the woman so much that he will do anything so she is happy, even if it involves himself being humiliated, degraded, angry, or jealous. I feel that the best option for this is to read some books/articles on improving your self confidence/self esteem. You can either admit to yourself that there's someone better than you out there, or you can thrive to be the best you can be. There is always going to be a better sexual performer than you, but the same goes for her as well. That's life. There is always someone better than you at something. If you feel like you're bad at satisfying your wife, don't last long enough, aren't big enough, or just don't believe in yourself, then why should she believe in you, or be attracted to you for that matter? Women are attracted to confidence. There's a reason you see ugly guys dating hot girls, and it's because they are confident and believe in themselves. You are what you believe.

-I would also like to add that a lot of people use the excuse "We have been married for so long, we have just gotten bored of each other." Growing up around numerous couples that have been married for 25,30,40 and 50 years, I've observed that "getting bored of each other" doesn't just happen, but you allow it to happen. If you do not continue to throw wood into the fire, it will eventually go out. The same goes for a relationship. Usually "getting bored of each other" means one person is always away on business, the couple has stopped doing the little things to create attraction (writing a love note, going out on dates, giving your partner compliments, etc.), and often just getting caught in a boring routine (work-eat-sleep-repeat) where you take everything around you, including your partner, for granted. That not only makes for a boring and dull relationship, but a boring and dull life.

*There are probably a few more, but I believe these are the main three. Someone might even have two or all three of them.*

Psychological Analyzation - Alpha Male
As for the opposite side (alpha male), here's what I've gathered primarily from myself:

1. Lacking a girlfriend/wife in life, and instead of going out and trying to acquire one, you take satisfaction in taking someone else's wife/girlfriend. This also makes the husband or boyfriend jealous, depressed or lonely, so they now experience what you've been experiencing.

2. Sexual boredom in your own relationship. I have seen many married guys chatting with cuckolds or wives of cuckolds. I've talked with a few just to get some feedback, and a lot of them talk about how their own wife/girlfriend won't have sex with them enough or their relationship lacks intimacy (which they probably don't talk about with their partner, or vice versa, due to fear of intimacy). Cheating on your spouse seems to be a cheap,  quick fix for lack of intimacy, almost like a drug.

3. Being over the top dominant/full of yourself. Many of the guys that are seeking out wives of cuckolds seem to be full of themselves or overly dominant. The problem is when you are overly dominant or full of yourself, you can come off as a jerk, or not very caring of others. This might lead to a lack of long lasting relationships with women. They have the confidence to attract women, but since they aren't caring of their feelings, it's pretty much impossible to connect with them on a deep, emotional level and form a strong bond (intimacy). They could also have a fear of intimacy. The reason being with another man's wife appeals to them so much is probably just a mixture of having the no-strings attached of a booty-call, mixed with number 1 of this list, making someone else feel your jealousy, depression, and loneliness. Just my theory.

4. It's wrong/wanting what you can't have.  Everyone sub-consciously wants what they can't have. A new expensive car, the ability to be a professional athlete, a new device that came out, etc. A cuckold allowing someone else to satisfy their wife/girlfriend is almost like conceded cheating. You know it isn't right to do, but that makes you want it even more, especially since the cuckold is allowing you to cheat with her, making it an even bigger turn on.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Overall, I think it's a very interesting topic to discuss. If you have any comments, corrections or replies, feel free to post them!

[iraj]

I am totally new and have never even been on any forum before..so please be patient.

I am an ex-wife of a man with an interracial cuckold fantasy. I have always been told that sexual fantasies are good and normal and should never be judged, so I went along when he first introduced me to it. I was the first person he had ever admitted that he had this fantasy to. And when I say, "went along" I mean as in "role playing", never involving another actual person.

As time went by, however, it got darker and darker and I realized that a) this was the ONLY way he could get off. It was never with me, as his wife, making love or even having our own raunchy sex. And b) it involved more and more "abuse" and taking women against their will. He would choke me when I was giving him a blow job, intentionally until I would throw up. This got him off! (this is when he played the roll of the big black bull!). And there was a lot of need for me to say things as if I was being raped, and struggle, kick and resist very strongly! As I saw more and more of what was really underneath, and no idea how much deeper it would go, it started to make me physically ill. I wondered whom I had married! I was afraid. Not OF him, but of what kind of darkness was inside. I don't even want to get into how I don't understand the need or desire for the humiliation (sometimes I would play the "oh..he's so much better than you" wife roll and he would be the "wimpy husband")...

I am so happy to have stumbled across this because it's been about 7yrs since this all happened and I have tried and tried to find a book, an article..Anything from anyone who could have this discussion, outside of the porn sites and stories and people all into it.

I want to say from a very open-minded woman’s perspective that this scenario often borders on rape. In fact, since then (we are still living together due to financial reasons) I have run across pictures and such that actually are rape. Woman tied up, bound gagged and being gang raped by a group of black men while the husband looks on. I'm sorry, but I find this sick. I also find it soooo sad that his man, who I do love, finds this degradation fulfilling. He made the choice NOT to get counseling, as he does not see this as any problem since it's "just a fantasy", and that is the whole reason for the divorce.  I am very impressed by one of the posts I read here who said he was terrified of losing the love of his life.  My husband chose the fantasy over me.  Making me even more determined to want to get to the bottom of it. Maybe healing for myself?

There is also a HUGE Internet component to this. He has had the fantasy since he was a teenager, but felt ashamed and kept it to himself until we got a computer. That is when I lost him. He found he was not only not alone, but that he could "act it out" almost live with others through chat rooms, im's and such.  Talk about not finding any information on how to handle it??!!! All the "internet/cybersex" books are geared for men who are having "affairs" on-line.  Well, his chats are with men about the women they are abusing. Only there really is no woman.  Therefore, no help. Other than "sexual fantasies are normal.."  or "my husband left me for a woman online.."

Which, again, brings me back to the point that, in this particular mans fantasy, the woman is really just a means to an end.  A non-person.  The abused go between.  Which, I might add, is why I could not continue to have sex with him. I turned out to feel as if I were nothing.  In fact, I was NEVER me. I was a character. 

And yes, btw-he and I have discussed where this may have come from and I have some theories, but I wasn't there for his growing up. He is a really passive man. Oddly-he's very well endowed. I find that ironic!

I am finding in reading your answere's a lot of helpful information about how men feel coming from this place, and how to try and understand.  I will never be ok in that role.  And, I guess good for you men who have found women who will satisfy this need for you. 

The only thing I can add is that there is a chance you are not always thinking of your partners feelings? If she is agreeing, well, that is different. But maybe there are other partners out there like myself who are really trying to satisfy and be understanding...but it's very very hard. 



Thank you for letting me let it out and for there to FINALLY be a place for this topic. I swear, there is nothing out there..!!!!

[GypsyFay]

I have been reading this thread and have seen several entries that refer to self worth. I am most recently inducted into this lifestyle and have something of a different take on things, well at least different from what I have seen thus far in this thread.
   My husband and I have been together coming up on eleven years. Before we committed to one another we spent quite a bit of time discussing absolutely everything important to us regarding relationships. Openly and honestly. I know it was all honest because of the things that were said. One of which that sticks with  me to this day was the point at which he informed me he was worried that he could not be faithful to me. Honestly, it hurt. I made an honest decision right then and there and informed him it did not matter as I love him and was unwilling to go through the process again. Also, I'm a big believer in fixing what may be broken rather than just throwing it away, well at least as far as matters of the heart are concerned, material things I can get more of. A new heart, not so easy. I'm every feminists worst nightmare; I'm not going to throw away a perfectly good relationship over something that might happen, especially over something innately male, no offense, but biology and history are on my side on that one.
   Now, I am a very traditional female where relationships are concerned. Monogamy is very high on my list, along with devotion and loyalty. I give it wholeheartedly and expect it in return. Which doesn't mean to say that if there is a slip up, that I will simply give up on the relationship. I consider it to be THE most important investment in life, so of course I wouldn't give it up without a "fight". 
   That being said, we have discussed on several ocassions the topics of "swinging" and "cuckholding" though we never called that last one by that name. Over the years, I made sure to make my husband feel safe in our relationship, meaning that I wouldn't just up and leave him if he should happen to stray. I even spent time "embarrassing" him by trying to "set him up on a date" with his favorite fetish...blonds. It was always mostly a joke and deep down he knew that, but I believe it made him comfortable enough with the whole thing that he has yet to stray from me, not that he still couldn't, but he seems to be aware of the fact that my kind is not very common and the love I give him he wouldn't find just anywhere else and he values it too much to jeopardize it.
   This last summer he broached the subject of "cuckholding" again, only this time he made a statement that made me balk. He said the fact that I wouldn't even consider it was very unfair to him.That stopped me in my tracks. I contemplated it a great deal. While it was still a frightening idea to me, I had to admit, he was correct. So I considered it, and considered it, and considered it some more. I too could not understand why, if he loved me so deeply, he would find it pleasurable to share me with another.
   He does have a history with this. He has done this once before with his ex-wife and his best friend. And yes, this caused me pause as well. However, the circumstances were such that presented me with an opportunity to give him what he wanted. We discussed it in depth and I made sure to let him know that I DON'T have casual sex, meaning that anyone I would be with I would have need of real caring and feeling for. We came to an understanding of the ground rules, well as much as one can plan for such a contingency anyway.
   Now, as I have stated, I am extremely mongomous, and the entire time we have been together not one person has ever turned my head. Not once did I ever find another male I was even remotely interested in, let alone aroused by. Just by happenstance, one came into my life. He hit me from out of the blue. He aroused me. Something I had all but decided impossible. But it happened. Well, after much discussion we attempted a cuckhold. And of course I fell in love with the new one as well. And he broke my heart, but that's another story. This post is in regards to the reasons behind the idea of cuckholds. Well, here is my two cent's worth:

   It may be a self worth issue. I developed a theory a while back that regardless of how bad our situations may be, or how miserable they make our lives, we know them and to a certain degree are comfortable with them. So if one has become "comfortable" with inferiority, then he/she will seek out circumstances which will heighten the feeling because if one lives with it long enough, it becomes a security blanket. I am worthless, he/she makes me feel not so much so, so I need to find a way to strengthen my one and only security in this world, rather than deal with change and a new way of thinking about myself. People hate change. This is the single defining driving constant throughout the entire human race. Fear of change. One becomes so comfortable in any situation as it has not changed in "forever" that if the threat of change to what he/she has always been comes, they balk, fight the change, regardless of what good may come from it. It is possible that in this instance, one would find the need of a "cuckhold" relationship--IF he/she finds it truly demeaning and demoralizing and shame inducing--just to remind him/her that he/she is not worthy of anything better than what he/she has become accustomed to as far as self worth.
   Then too, if this has little to do with self worth and shame, and more to do with pure pleasure of the pornographic nature,--my husband likens the experience to a live porn movie--then there really is no need for analysis, as men in general, and statistics and biology support this, feel the need for sex much more often than women, in general. All it took was one brain cell to form that member but WOW how much was in that one cell!!! At any rate, It is the nature of the male beast to be a beast. If the worst showing of this nature is that yours wants you to be with other males, then it is most likely inherently a male thing. And I hate to break it to you females out there, but there really is no deeper meaning to these things than that most of the time. There are of course always exceptions to every rule, but I have discovered, most recently actually, that females are all about emotion and "why" whereas men are all about action and reaction. That one little brain cell coupled with the "fact" that Eve took the first bite and therefore, I feel anyway, got the most out of that apple, this is why we suffer through the "why" of absolutely every situation in our lives. This is just my opinion, of course, but some things are just not worth trying to find hidden meaning in as most of them don't have one so you will just be left feeling unsatisfied with the answers you may find.
   I have found, happily, surprisingly, that I am still open to the idea of another male counterpart to make us a threesome as I have discovered two things: one, while we may give everything of ourselves to our mates, there may still be some things lacking, not due to failure to try, but more due to ability to provide and while you may learn to live without those things and even forget about them, there is always something missing and a third may be able to provide it, thereby creating a complete union; and two, I have figured out exactly what those things are that I need that, while I love my husband dearly and would never leave him for another and it is through no fault of his, I now know about them and will miss them until I can find someone to provide them.
   Its not like its a one sided thing by any means, as I provide my husband with absolutely everything he needs and wants, including this whole sharing thing, and if ever he finds that there is something missing for him, we can discuss it openly and honestly and see what can be done about it. However, as I tried to point out previously, men, in general, are all about action and reaction whereas women are all about emotion and "why". Women are more emotion driven therefore it is difficult to "satisfy" all of their needs. If this is a way to do that so that any union can become more complete then why not? Just don't forget to LOVE YOUR HUSBAND as men can feel neglected just as easily as women and much more profoundly as they were not raised for emotion but for action.
   Ok. There is the opinion of a cuckhold's wife. Make of it what you will. Oh, and just so you all know, I observed and communicated with my husband throughout the entire happening, to make sure he is still at least as healthy as when we started if not more so, just in case any of you find me heartless. <S>

[GypsyFay]

Ok, I don't know about You guys. You'll have to draw your own conclusions. And I'm not claiming that what I'm saying is some general truth. But to me it seems very clear now.
I don't care how much we keep saying that we get turned on by our girlfriend being with someone else or how much we think that we are beyond jealousy. To me this sounds quite the opposite. To me it sounds like we in fact ARE jealous and that actually the last thing we want is for the person we hold dear would choose to be with someone else. But we're so afraid to express what we really feel and want. Because we don't want to sound weak. Knowing that it is beyond our control. And our way of controlling our fear is to realize it willingly before it gets realized in a way that is out of our control. It's like running a race, knowing well that you might lose, you choose to give up and lose willingly rather than take the shame of having tried to go for first place and not win.

I mean, this is the same fear and same desire for control that would turn a man into a dominant control freak. Trying to impose his power over the girl not to talk to others. Covering herself up. Checking her every move and her phonebook. But seeing as how this would take too much energy and would be impossible in the long run we have chosen another strategy. To set her free. Even encouraging her to do the things we fear. That gives a false sense of control. In a way we're afraid of letting her be just free. To have her own will. Maybe she wants to be with YOU? Maybe she'll want someone else at a later point. But that's up to her. To admit your fears and state your wants, even though it's out of your control and risk to get hurt.

Our Ego finds it so hard to believe that she has had men penetrating her before. And that she probably enjoyed it. That we're not the Only man in the world that can satisfy women just by our mere presence in their life. It is hard to believe. But I suggest to Man up to the competition and make some effort. Be brave enough to tell her what you Really want and compete to win her heart instead of just giving her away to someone else pretending as if it was what you wanted.

Quit using these defense mechanisms. Drop the armour, your shield and your sword. Be true to your self and Dare to state what You want, your fears and expose your past wounds. At least to your self.
Instead of saying: "I get turned on by girls cheating on me." Or "I want my girlfriend to cheat on me." Tell the truth.
"I want my girl friend to love me and to respect my feelings. But I scare myself because I've been hurt before and I imagine that it will happen again." or "I want to be able to trust a girl and want to ask her to be mine and to respect that i would get terribly hurt if she would go behind my back - but I feel weak saying that - and I scare myself imagining that she will not respect me."
You despise that weakness don't you? You think the girl won't respect you if you tell her the truth? Well do you think she'll respect you more if you let her be with another man?
If she's a mature girl she wont cut you like you've been cut before. She will heal your wounds. If she was just in it to hurt you because she is hurting in herself, she will fade away and find someone on the same level who she can hurt and get hurt by. Whenever you start feeling fear, Do some work out, go for a run, play music or something creative. Buy a flower representing yourself and your relations and water it everyday. Stop cutting yourself or asking others to hurt you. Ask them to hug you.

These are my advice to myself, and whomever feels something clicked.
If it isn't helpful to you, don't bother about it - there's nothing that you Have to do. Only what you feel is of help to you.

Respect yourself!
cheers!

I would very much like to congratulate you!!! Regardless of the thoughts of my previous post, which are well founded mind you, I am EXTREMELY impressed. I know that men feel these things and I treat them as though they do, at least until they behave differently. My recent experience that broke my heart I know this part of him is there, he has shared it with me yet he fell back on the "innate male behavior" running scared. And yes, I understand all the why's to the fear, what I cannot understand is why, after all the in depth, deep conversations we have had, he could not tell me exactly that. So I congratulate you for owning up to the fact that men have feelings and hide them. Thank you so very much.

[GypsyFay]

3. Being over the top dominant/full of yourself. Many of the guys that are seeking out wives of cuckolds seem to be full of themselves or overly dominant. The problem is when you are overly dominant or full of yourself, you can come off as a jerk, or not very caring of others. This might lead to a lack of long lasting relationships with women. They have the confidence to attract women, but since they aren't caring of their feelings, it's pretty much impossible to connect with them on a deep, emotional level and form a strong bond (intimacy). They could also have a fear of intimacy. The reason being with another man's wife appeals to them so much is probably just a mixture of having the no-strings attached of a booty-call, mixed with number 1 of this list, making someone else feel your jealousy, depression, and loneliness. Just my theory.

4. It's wrong/wanting what you can't have.  Everyone sub-consciously wants what they can't have. A new expensive car, the ability to be a professional athlete, a new device that came out, etc. A cuckold allowing someone else to satisfy their wife/girlfriend is almost like conceded cheating. You know it isn't right to do, but that makes you want it even more, especially since the cuckold is allowing you to cheat with her, making it an even bigger turn on.

I wish to thank you. You have given me some much needed insight to the recent heartbreak I have suffered. While I am not happy with it, at least it makes sense to me and once I get past the pain of it all, will be able to process it for what it is. So, thanks.

[Cuckold patty]

Hey guys
I think more or less I come from the same background as you guys.My father left us and my mother had to look after me.Then I was looked after by my uncle and aunt while my mother did a job.I got educated and kind of belongs to the middle class, though i have inferiority complex, and i have nil confidence.My wife isn't that pretty, and shes not a very extrovert personality either.Some how I fancy the idea of a cukold and I am always tempted to visit cuckold websites.I need help because I just dont want it.But I lust for it.Any advice? 

[Sigmoid Friend]

I read most of the posts here - there's something obvious that jumps out from almost all of them as to the cause of cuckoldry.  A feeling of rejection.

Many speak of broken homes - being brought up by just one parent.  Or having one parent who is 'distant' or 'overly dominant'.

I don't think it's anything more complicated than that.

In our formative years we need the love and support of our parents.  It is terribly old fashioned and politically incorrect to suggest that a healthy male/female partnership offers a child more than same sex parenting or just one parent alone.  But that's genuinely what I believe to be the case.

I was brought up by male and female parents.  I have fantasies about cuckolding.  More - I've tried it.  It was the most exciting thing I've ever done.

I was in a relationship with a girl who was very sexually attractive and held liberal views.  Although she'd never tried sex with another girl she was excited by the thought of it.  She was excited by the thought of lots of things, orgies, gang bangs etc.  We used to both fantasise about all kinds of things like this a lot - then one day we began putting it into action.

The first time was with a friend of mine who came over to visit one evening.  After a few drinks I asked her if she fancied him and she just gave me a knowing smile.  I asked her if she'd like to take us both on - and she nodded.  I asked him the same thing whilst she was out of the room.  He was shocked - I said to him, 'look, it's just a bit of fun - do you want to try it?'.  She came back in the room and sat next to him.  I said to her, me and Steve have been talking about you - what we'd like to do to you!  She just laughed and then leaned over and kissed him and off we went.

We repeated that session again one more time a few weeks later.  It wasn't so exciting the second time around - it was too predictable and planned.

We had another occasion when she literally chatted up a group of teenage boys out on the street and we brought them home with us, gave them some drinks, played cards - which turned to strip poker, and she ended up bedding 8 of them.  And there was one other occasion when we went through one of those contact mags and met with a couple over dinner and ended up back at their place in a 4some.

That was a long time ago now - 20 years ago in fact.

I'm happily married to a wonderful wife who has only ever slept with me.

But the fantasy just won't go away - and the fact she has no experience with other men makes me want it even more.  We both share this fantasy although I think that she wouldn't want to do it at all in reality - whereas, I definitely would.

I don't know where my feeling of rejection comes from personally - maybe a dominant father who was a bit distant?

[SDCouple]

I am 40 and in an 18 year relationship with a wonderful woman. I am not in any way submissive. In fact, I much prefer to be the leader rather than the follower. I like to control my own destiny as much as possible. I am leader in my business and in life. We have a great life, happy kids, good jobs, etc.

My wife and I have had a somewhat "lifestyle" friendly relationship for over 10 years. In that time we have been in sexual situations with couples, single females and single males. Although each experience is very exciting and almost always enjoyable, I am more drawn to seeing, hearing or knowing my wife is enjoying another man.

Some History

I have always been a sensitive person. That was especially true in my teenage years. I was a good athlete, very popular, attractive and a good student. I dated very attractive girls and never really had a hard time with the whole dating scene. I did however have a very strong insecurity streak. I never really felt like I belonged.  I was also very jealous and always checking up on my girl friend as to where she was, who she was with, etc.

In order to save a relationship that was being adversely affected by my insecurity, I tried to take control of my jealousy by telling myself that it was normal for my girlfriend to want another guy. Rather than run from it, I would embrace it. I introduced the idea to her and we would discuss fantasies about her sleeping with my best friend, etc. Although she never felt truly comfortable with those conversations, she played along for my sake.

Once I married my wife, I immediately introduced the Swinging Lifestyle to her. We attended some events which actually caused her to recoil a bit. She felt it was too much. After some time, we had an experience where she was attracted to a guy on our Alaskan Cruise and I suggested that she try to invite him back for sex. She did and that night, I watched her have full sex with a man for the first time. That event opened the door to couples, single females and single males in our sex life over the last 10 years.

I enjoy going out and watching the guys in the room notice her. I enjoy knowing that she may at any moment choose to kiss a guy or take him home. Although at the same time, it makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable which ultimately turns me on. It is so odd.

Why Cuckold?


With all of the options available to me, I am really curious why I am so intensely focused on my wife sleeping with other men. Why does it make me completely jealous and turned on at the same time? It is such a mixed bag. I have been trying to explain this to her in a way that make sense. So far, I can't seem to get it across in a way that clicks.

When I think about the situations that we have had, I tend to focus on a few things:

- How sexy she is when she is lost in the moment of passion
- How great a lover she is
- How lucky I am to be loved by her
- I see her as a woman rather than my wife
- How much more passionately/intensely she responds to another man as opposed to our sex (which is very good)
- How a larger penis reaches her more deeply than my average penis does - How good this makes her feel
- How she forgets that I am there because she is lost in the moment
- How beautiful the whole experience is

I try to explain this fetish to her as a love thing. I love her and her to feel fulfilled, wanted, sexy, deeply penetrated and sexually satisfied. It brings me great pleasure to see her or know that she is feeling good. I don't really enjoy submission or humiliation although if it really turned her on, I might try it. I seemed to feed off what turns her on.

But is that accurate? Is this really a way to control my jealousy? Is this a control thing? Is it both control and love?

I need help in explaining this to her. I want to submit to this completely but not sure how to explain it. I also want to explore this without making her feel that she needs to do something to please me.

Any input is appreciated.

[SDCouple]

Sorry just reread and missed some typos and grammar errors, etc.

One more thing. I would be VERY interested in the perspective of a woman who enjoys being with a Cuck. I would love to know what is good or bad about it.

[Laphroaig57]

Hi All

New to the Forum and came across it whilst trying to find out a little more about my personal desires and turn ons.

Being Cuckolded is the ultimate in sexual satisfaction for me both mentally and physically. Quite why I will never know.     What I find very hard to understand is the bit that really turns me on.   I do not want to devalue this forum down to "porn site" value but to me it is all about the humiliation and submissive side.

For me, to have a truly fulfilled experience I need  to be "forced" into cleaning up.    Hence I will always end up licking my wife clean from any cum either in her on on her.    This is what fulfills me.

As I said I do not know why.   I am in no way attracted to men or the idea of cum in any other environment other than from my wife.    I have been in many very sexual situations with her over the years and only this drives me on.

I have no wish to be one on one with another guy or another woman.   I just desire everything about the 2 of us with a third person who has to be a guy.

Where all this come from I do not know.   I had a happy and normal childhood with no hints at this until after being married and into my early 30's.    That was 15 years or so ago now but the desires continue to build and endure.

I am just thankful my wonderful partner is turned on and fascinated by it also.

[jackcox]

I'm glad I found this forum. For years I've fantasized about my wife fucking other men and I've wondered why. I post her photos on the internet and at one point thousands of men were jacking off to her tits every day. (According to my site stats) That totally turned me on. She liked it too. I would tell her how many men think she has the greatest tits on Earth and she would beam with pride. But my first wife was unfaithful to me, my longterm girlfriend after her, and my second wife was unfaithful, too.

I have an odd twist to my cuckold fantasies. I just love knowing my wife is making other men's cocks hard. I sent pics of her tits to one of my friends and it gets me so hot to look at those pics and jackoff, knowing HE jacks off to them too. When I look at porn and pretend it's someone else fucking my wife, I am fascinated by his cock and wish I could kiss and feel it while he fucks her. I have been so fascinated by other men's cocks that I finally got on Craigslist and posted an ad and found someone who let me suck him off. Ohmygawd it was incredible, sucking another man's cock! I loved it! I did it a few times with that one guy but then got bored with the average size cock of the man I met. I have a 7 1/2" cock, a nice looking cock people tell me on the net, and I would love to find a friend with a big cock who will let me suck him off now and then. My wife doesn't know about my fascination with cock, and I love having sex with her.

I love fantasizing about sharing my wife with my friends, that we all take turns fucking her and she sucks all of us off. I love the idea of watching her sucking my friends cocks, and watching them suck on her big tits. I'm trying to sort this all out before something happens that I regret. I'll stay checked in here. Thanks for all your sharing. I have a feeling I'm going to sort out my shit here.

[marriedflirt2500]

My take on the Whys of sharing one’s wife.

What it would represent to me as a husband;

As men we typically need two kinds of energies from our woman, the feminine GOOD/MOTHERLY energy of love, understanding, caring, nurturing, loyalty, etc. And this other type of energy that we men thrive on, the feminine DARK/WHORE energy.

Masculine men need a balanced supply of these two types of feminine energies constantly. We get the first type from our wives very easily in most marriages and this makes us stick to them. But we crave for that second feminine whore energy too, most women are taught from a young age that this kind of feminine energy is BAD or TABOO and should be buried deep inside them never to be brought out, this lack of feminine whore energy from our own wives drives us to porn, prostitutes, etc because it satisfies that NEED in us men for that feminine whore or sluty energy from a woman.

Men who desire to share their wife are in essence desiring to see their woman giving them the total package of energy, in other words the feminine GOOD/MOTHERLY energy and that feminine DARK/WHORE energy, these men don't want to go out and find a whore or prostitute to fulfil that NEED for the feminine DARK/WHORE energy, but instead they want a complete union of the masculine and feminine between them and their wife by encouraging and lovingly leading their wife to get in touch with her deep dark suppressed sexual side, her feminine dark/whore energy, and turning her into a SLUT WIFE is the most satisfying way for men like this to accomplish and receive the TOTAL PACKAGE OF LIGHT AND DARK FEMININE ENERGYS from the same woman who is his soul mate, lover, and mother of his children.

What I think it would represent to my wife;

I feel that sharing ones wife with VERY DOMINANT MEN (Any colour as long as it appeals to her) is about trusting and allowing the woman you love, the mother of your children, your soul mate to experience dominant “testosterone full” masculine sexuality at it's highest level for the satisfaction of her feminine submissive sexuality at the deepest level.

Women are wired to feel deep sexual attraction for dominant “testosterone full” men, this is especially true at the times when they are ovulating and most fertile, this is not something a self confident and successful masculine husband should be scared about, instead we should embrace this and use it for our wife’s complete sexual satisfaction and to use this to increase sexual satisfaction in our marriage (provided you are in a very strong union with her - if you are not then do not attempt to share her would be my sincere advise - work on your union first) . A sexually satisfied woman will be oozing both light and dark feminine love or energy and will make a better wife and loving mother for your children.
 
It is important for men like us to realise that most women are sensible and will choose “Mr Nice Guy” over the long term, and “Mr Testosterone” for short sexual pleasures from time to time (particularly when she is most fertile).

By allowing your woman or wife to have this pure animalistic sexual pleasure from a dominant male from time to time, you are allowing her to have her cake and eat it too! She can keep her profound connection to you and her natural need for everything you represent in her life (love, romance, security, kids, family life, old age companionship, etc), while giving her the opportunity and space to explore her DARK feminine sluty side without feeling insecure about loosing her Lover, her Protector, the Father of her children and her Motherhood in a stable well balanced, and long term loving relationship or marriage.

Note: please correct me if I am wrong, I am always open to learning.

[Sirsea]

marriedflirt said so clearly "...that by allowing your woman or your wife to have this pure animalistic pleasure from a dominant male...while giving her the opportunity to explore her Dark feminine slutty side..." we cuck's empower our 'other' to discover all aspects of her sexuality. Not all women desire to sate all of their sexual hungers, whilst some dew; and for those chosing to taste their non-vanilla flavors the rituals bringing on her orgasm can be singularly arousing. Not all cuck's need be eye witness to her exploration.
I find my involvement with her preparations for her undewing a very sensual ritual; assisting her with her bathing, offering suggestions and opinions of her evening wear, make-up, fragance and accessories (packing her toys is most erotic), calling her cab, holding the cab door open as she enters to be taken to her man.
Waiting at home for return not knowing if she will be back before of after sunrise. And when she arrives home, waiting to open the door of her man's car as they share their good-byes; then walking with her inside our home to share a coffee and chat about her evening, or to simply lay beside her as she sleeps and her body recovers from its exhausting lustfilled night, and then there are also wonderful moments of her sharing her evening with me her body scented with the sensual musk of well fucked and sated female.
Of course, not for everyone. My being cucked is a shared relationship that feeds and sates rather than erode and undermine~ the sate of an unfullfilled man and woman whatever their choices, most certainly will continue unchanged lacking the courage to share who they are with their other. You are correct marriedflirt live the thrill and enjoy your life~s

[woodworker16]

So a question, from a woman, about this:
often, this leads to less and less frequent sex between the married couple since the cuck is more interested in the intellectual aspects of stimulation via the third party relationship and is interested in the female partner fucking another male. I have had friends involved in this type of relationship who felt sadness at the lack of sexuality in the primary relationship. They wound up seeking satisfaction (physically and emotionally) outside the primary relationship because of this. Is this a downside? what do you think??

[marriedflirt2500]

Yes this is the down side of such a relationship, a woman need to feel her man is interested in her ALONE for her to remain in union with her husband or she slowly drifts away, a major risk in such a marriage.

[marriedflirt2500]

 Any union between a man and woman can work and last as long as there is the two opposite energies attracting each other, the dominant in union with the submissive has more chances of lasting then two dominants or two submissives in union.... now i think there are different kinds or degrees of cuckolds! I find the idea of watching my wife with another man as very perverted and erotic, nothing turns me on more truly speaking, but at the same time as this turns me on I also need to be in total control of her ie. I can only find this erotic when a following conditions are in place.

1. she has to be totally submissive to me, trust me enough to accept my dominance over her from her heart, mind and soul, and when I share her, i need to know she is doing this, letting herself submit to another man then me, out of her immense desire to please me, her one and only real master and lover.

2. The man has to be a stranger who we meet out of town discreetly on special nights desiganted for this kind of fun.

3. I have to be present to protect her, and ensure that she knows I am there for her and that even when she is submitting to another male for her and my sexual pleasure, she ultimately belongs to only one man her husband and master.

4. I cant make cuckolding as the sole source of erotic pleasure, i would need to experiment with many things and make sex as erotic as possible without cuckolding aspects in it, ie there has to be in place an already very erotic and thriving sex life between the two of us, cuckolding has to be one of the many "spices" i would like us to add on.

5. I have to be in total control of any cuckolding situation and her in that situation, this has to be totally about US not about him.