Question with doubt

[pljames]

 I love philosophy psychology and theology with a tolerance of all the other disciplines. I now know without a shadow of a doubt any professional who is emotionally involved with others cannot be personally and emotionally involved with family. :'  I am going to have to put my wife in a mental institute for her own safety, physically and mentally. I am greatly emotionally overstaught about it. After ten years of marriage I have reach my last emotional thread.

It is horrible to see the person you love brake down in front of you and being non professional have to resort to this action. She has a degree and experience in the mental health field because she once was a mental health tech.  >: I am angry because I have done all I can do to help her with the problems (hoarding and lyphedemia). She will not recognise her hording problem. Our home is a safety hazard from physical to fire safety. The thing that also angers me is I allowed it for five years.    I am also to blame and it is to late too even attempt to salvage this marriage.

Even mental health professionals will not directly access the emotional distress hording brings. I challenge any PHD to explain to me why the Mental health Association and members will not attack this problem head on? I have lost respect for myself and for those who believe in helping others for other reasons than absolute respect and total understanding called love and compassion. pljames
 

[sakoz]

pljames; Milton Erickson worked with a patient in a mental institution. The patient only talked 'word salad', no body understood him. Milton sat on the bench with him for several days, virtually ingnoring the patient. But Milton was learning to imitate those words and made up some of his own. Then one day Milton talked in word salad to the patient and the patient said, "Your the only one who knows how to talk." They talked word salad for several days ( for an hour or two each day). Finally the patient said; " Let's talk sense". And Milton said;"Gladly, what's your name, where you from." From then,on the patient was on the road to recovery. Another patient believed he was Jesus, Milton did not challenge him, but said;"Jesus was a carpenter". The patient got into woodwork which helped him to recover.  This might be too radical for you to try; but If you started to hoard even more than your wife; she might say; Your crazier than me". Worth a try, you will be cleaing house after she's gone.

[pljames]

Sakov,
 I allowed her to hoard for five years out of (?). I should have put my foot down five years ago. Five years ago she got angry at me about her family and took it out on me plus she had other mental issues I at that time did'nt know about. We both had issues at that time. Everything in this life has costs. Are we willing to pay them and at what price? pljames

[docjp]

I love philosophy psychology and theology with a tolerance of all the other disciplines. I now know without a shadow of a doubt any professional who is emotionally involved with others cannot be personally and emotionally involved with family. :'  I am going to have to put my wife in a mental institute for her own safety, physically and mentally. I am greatly emotionally overstaught about it. After ten years of marriage I have reach my last emotional thread. . pljames
_____________________
If I may.... I get from your posting that you are "distraught".  And in my experience when that happens, it is like being in a barrel, dark and unyielding... and thoughts are all negative.  My wife, bless her, tends toward a habit her mother had regarding hording.  But my wife's habit is tolerable, and her mother's habit was unbelievable to the point where narrow passage ways led throughout her home and each room was packed floor to ceiling with stuff.  The psychological need for hording is a fully non-conscious belief that one "is" inadequate.  A belief taken-on from one parent or the other parent at the time of ones birth.  And this belief is fully non-conscious to the person within who's MIND it is repressed.  It is not possible to intellectually convey to the person what causes him/her to do what he/she does.... in other words.  The habit of hording is an outward protective masking of the fear hidden deep within the person's MIND.  The reasoning of the MIND goes something like this:  If I keep an abundance of stuff around me, no one will ever discover that who I am is "Inadequate" as a human being.
And since the "reason" for the behavioral activity is non-conscious, the activity continues.

The only way to disengage this deep-seated misperception taken-on by a person's MIND is to facilitate a re-experiencing of the taking on of the misperception by the person's MIND at or near the time of birth.  To do this requires the service of a fully competent psychotherapist.... very difficult to find in America today.  Most people trained in modern mental health know nothing of the MIND.  What it is, where it is, or how it operates?

Perhaps beginning a journal of early childhood memories would be a good start?  Placing in the journal the times ones parents were not emotionally available to oneself, and attempting to write down the reason for this.... being inaccessible,  even if one is just guessing?  The point being to encourage the person [your wife] to encourage her own MIND to release its repressed sense that she [your wife]  mis-perceived her "Self" as being inadequate [or lacking whatever it was that prevented her parent from providing the love she needed as a child]. This repressed belief is very real to ones MIND, and fully a misperception at the same time.  But since one cannot contact ones MIND [except via a subtle form of Intuition] this backdoor way of inviting ones MIND to reveal emotionality sometimes helps to evoke the pain that is locked into the misperception.

This is not an uncommon misperception by the MINDs of people, but how we manifest it in behavior varies greatly among people.  And the "intensity" of the misperception varies a great deal as well.

I'm sorry I cannot provide a better response.