Author Topic: Should children see or hear their parents having sex?  (Read 15674 times)

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RisingSun

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Should children see or hear their parents having sex?
« on: December 10, 2011, 06:45:11 PM »
Is it healthy or unhealthy for children to see or hear their parents having sex?

sakoz

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Re: Should children see or hear their parents having sex?
« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2011, 07:39:48 PM »
Both your questions answers depends on the culture in which your asking; and the practices and consenus of said cultures. ( In our culture some may say'"Shame on you for asking." lol :o

Enigma

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Re: Should children see or hear their parents having sex?
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2011, 06:11:51 AM »
Wasn't that the norm in Germany at some point? Anyway, here in America we have a tradition of demonizing sex and nudity as wrong and immoral.  Because of this lifelong conditioning, it would probably be a traumatic event for a child to witness daddy plow mom.  However, if the child were from a culture with a much less puritan attitude, I don't think it would be that big of a deal one way or the other. 
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S. Earl Martin

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Re: Should children see or hear their parents having sex?
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2011, 04:44:10 PM »
Before modern times many families slept in the same bed. Or would bath in the same bath tub or body of water at different times. Windows didn't have screens and people could look into each others houses. Before Christian missionaries spread their ideals around the world. Monogomy was a unknown concept to many cultures. Fathers and mothers having sex with their children was considered a way of educationg them about how it worked. Also animals and livestock where all around and children would see them doing it and giving birth. It was just with the advent of modern homes and ideals that changed the perception of right and wrong.

As a child when the pill became avalible. My parants would "take a nap" a lot. They would tell us not to bother them. At first I/we didn't realize what they were doing, but after a while I/we (my brothers) realized they were "doing it". I saw my parants having sex several times. I knew what they were doing. They thought I was in bed and they didn't know I saw them. It didn't bother me, but it might have been different if I was sitting in the living room and they started doing it on the couch while I was watching TV?

It would come down to intent and what is culturally acceptable. 
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RisingSun

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Re: Should children see or hear their parents having sex?
« Reply #4 on: December 11, 2011, 07:21:40 PM »
Why are people saying it depends on the culture? Psychological effect on a young human being should be the same anywhere in the world, shouldn't it?

sakoz

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Re: Should children see or hear their parents having sex?
« Reply #5 on: December 11, 2011, 07:33:40 PM »
NO;  we evaluate what we perceive. Your saying if someone experiences burn-out on the job, everyone should, yet we know many people like the job that some  says causes them burn-out.
Obviously it's not the job the causal factor but what they 'think' about it, how they evaluate it.
My "mission" ;) here has been to point out we don't recognize what we do with language/thought when BELIEVED.

SWM

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Re: Should children see or hear their parents having sex?
« Reply #6 on: December 11, 2011, 08:20:41 PM »
Why are people saying it depends on the culture?
because our culture defines what is acceptable behavior. if we are raised in a culture were cannibalism is normal we would not be distressed by watching someone eat another human. if a young child from our culture how has probable never even seen an animal being killed and whose meat is served in a shape not much different to a biscuit, was to watch another human being killed, spit roasted and carved up for the evening meal then that child may have some psychological trauma and diffciulty reconciling the conflicting perspectives.
 


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Psychological effect on a young human being should be the same anywhere in the world, shouldn't it?
how the child is conditioned to respond will determine the response, it is the culture which conditions the child.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

S. Earl Martin

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Re: Should children see or hear their parents having sex?
« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2011, 09:19:48 PM »
Note: I do not advocate sex with children or anything of that nature. I was speaking from a historical perspective. If the action is considered the "norm" in the society then no undue stress should result from the experience. If the action is out of the accepted or expected range of what is considered normal it could result in stress. Even today nudity and sexual relations in some cultures are much more liberal than in western society. In these cultures because it is the normal practice it is debatable as to how much negative concequences occur if any at all.
Sometimes we have to experience what love isn't? To know what love is.

Don't believe everything you think 

The worst battle you have to fight is between what you know and what you feel.

How many ignorant people does it take to destroy a planet?

Karma is only a bitch if you are.

mexicanjumpingbean

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Re: Should children see or hear their parents having sex?
« Reply #8 on: December 23, 2011, 10:31:41 PM »
Personally, I was traumatized when I heard my parents having sex. It's one of those things that you *know* goes on, but you'd prefer not to have to listen to I think. Just like when my boyfriend comes over and we have sex...it's not something I'd like my parents to hear, although I'm sure sometimes they have. Anyway, I don't think it should be encouraged (children seeing or hearing their parents having sex), but if it happens, and the child/children ask about it, I don't think the parents should avoid speaking to the kids about what they saw/heard. Sex is natural and enjoyable and I think that kids are going to learn about it anyway, so if they ask then perhaps it is a good time to inject some sex education in there ;)

S. Earl Martin

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Re: Should children see or hear their parents having sex?
« Reply #9 on: December 24, 2011, 03:07:00 PM »
Yes age appropriate education is a good plan. I have known of several girls who became pregnant because they didn't know enough to realize they were having sex. I also know of one boy who was suduced by a friend of his sister. She wanted a baby and got him to do it. He had a learning disability and was very immature. His parants hadn't told him because they thought he wouldn't understand. She told him it was a game. He ended up having to pay child support and dropping out of school. He didn't understand why he had to work and then give his check to the girl he barely new. It took a long time before he could comprehend he was a father. Then he ended up hateing the mother and the kid for ruining his life.
Sometimes we have to experience what love isn't? To know what love is.

Don't believe everything you think 

The worst battle you have to fight is between what you know and what you feel.

How many ignorant people does it take to destroy a planet?

Karma is only a bitch if you are.

RobinKujau

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Re: Should children see or hear their parents having sex?
« Reply #10 on: January 04, 2012, 08:38:06 PM »
I believe that the act of seeing one's parents having sexual intercourse is not initially traumatising. I am speaking from a purely evolutionary basis; as this "shame" we feel about this topic, which deems the who concept as immoral, is a socially created feeling. So no it may not harm the child......as long as it is then not subjected to it's environment's moral/beliefs....which would prove difficult to do. So inevitably the child will become familiar with the notion of seeing one's parent having sexual intercourse as being disturbing/wrong, whatever you would like to label it, which may then result in a deep feeling of "Why was I subjected to this as a child" or something similar.
I am aware that being a big fan of Freud alot of what I said maybe leading towards his views, which you may not fully agree with, but please give me our opinion.

Many thanks

S. Earl Martin

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Re: Should children see or hear their parents having sex?
« Reply #11 on: January 16, 2012, 05:09:36 PM »
I gave this more thought and another aspect came into my thoughts. One of the psycological effects when someone is abused or raped is arousal. I have discussed this with several women who had been abused and one man. They felt quilty about the fact that when the abuse / rape happened they were aroused to an extent. If someone saw their parants having sex and they felt aroused it could mess them up later. I remember when I went to the kitchen at night and saw my mom giving my dad a BJ on the couch, it stuck in my head and I kept remembering it. It gave me a "boner" everytime I remembered it. I am not aware of any long term effects. Except I really like oral sex. This might not have anything to do with that incidence though. Maybe it does on some subconscious level.

Another aspect is the difference between girls are raised and boys. It isn't as much today as it was in my day, but guys were supposed to try and flirt or even suduce girls and the girls were supposed to resist. With more traditional upbringing it could make girls more likely to feel quility. 
Sometimes we have to experience what love isn't? To know what love is.

Don't believe everything you think 

The worst battle you have to fight is between what you know and what you feel.

How many ignorant people does it take to destroy a planet?

Karma is only a bitch if you are.

 

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