Smart girls psychology - do they like "bad boys"?

[psy_guy]

Hi everyone. I hear more and more about stupid girls liking smart boys, and smart girls liking crazy boys. In my school, there are a few higher IQ girls, at least from a discussion with my friend, who's a guy, who cannot live without a girl. He's smart though, so i pretty much trust most of his opinion most of the time. So there we go, i thought, that that's some clichey... Or w/e that word is written, I've no idea. But since this is happening in our school, and that friend of mine have had a lot of girls, some of them were smart and left him for those "bullies", I'm starting to question my own logic and thinking. What's up with that? Is there a bit of truth, or it's just a coincidence and I shouldn't be questioning my logic with this thing?

Thanks for your input.

[acousticeagle]

Hi psy guy. Do you think this observation is limited to an age group? I'm wondering this because of sexual attraction and a heightened sexual drive due to the age of the smart girls and guys that attracted to the bad and the stupid.

Is it possible that smart girls are attracted to bad boys because the 'smart' boys are not pushing the sexual buttons ie., lack of sexual chemistry needed for the girls to be attracted to the smart boys. Lots of 'ripe' hormones - therefore the attraction is for the hyper-testosterone than these girls may be subliminally picking up through the behaviour of these 'bad' boys. Being with a bad boy makes a girl feel more feelings of excitement, releasing more hormones into the body. And will these girls end up with the bad boy in the long run, as in marry them, or is it just a passing phase?

And of the stupid girls with the smart guys...same thing maybe. The stupid girl (are they overtly sexual in appearance and attitude?) can they make the smarter guys feel more self-esteem about themselves? If so, the silly/stupid girl may be like as a prop for the ego-sense.

[psy_guy]

That's a good thought. I had some of your thoughts, but not so deeply evolved, just the basic elements scattered. But so it comes, that it is not very likely to have a girl for a smart man of my age, it is very rare, which leads to not being happy some of them. I'm okay with that though. I'm good with activities I have and sometimes with friends outside. I tend to think, that girls require money and "belongings", like going out much more, being together, even if you don't want to and relying on someone, which is not good things in my opinion.
However, one of my friends is getting hurt by girls, that are not that very smart and he must leave them, or they have to leave him, because he's got the same thinking as me - stupid girls = bad. Every time he gets hurt, he's being miserable for a few days, then he finds a new girl... I'm trying to help him, when he comes to me, by telling, that I'm happy and I never slept with a girl, so what? Seems though, that he wants to be miserable... Another friend is happy with his lifestyle, the one I mentioned earlier.

Anyway, that's a good theory you pointed out here, makes sense.

[NataEames]

Acoustic eagle is right.

Smart girls are attracted to bad boys but only attracted. They don't fall in love with them. They enjoy the danger and the unpredictability and of course, the sex.

But if they are truly smart, they will not stick with such a guy for long. They'll enjoy the ride but ultimately, they will marry the nice guy, the one who will give them security and the one who will be a good father to their children.

Usually that's when the motherly instincts come in. But sometimes if those women cheat, they will cheat with those bad boys again.

Tried and tested theory.

[hortonpilot]

NataEames,
 what you say i have observed many times.
Interesting stuff?

Something shifts in many women's brains, further down the track you find some of these women quite fundementaly unhappy.
But they do a trade-off with certain things and justify it as much as they can to themselves.
Of course with money you can put up with a lot of unhappiness and it is something you can talk about with your girlfriends.

Again very interesting stuff.

Horton

[NataEames]

Horton,

Another thing that I found very interesting is how a woman's mentality completely changes after she gives birth to a child.

And I've noticed that the more difficult the birth, the more of a change there is.

The woman becomes much more mature, and sometimes completely stops all of her habits like smoking, drinking, even nail-biting without wanting it again.

She becomes much more aware of herself and her surroundings and no matter how self-centered or bitchy she was before having a child, becomes very selfless and caring.

My mom had a pretty easy birth, no surprise she's still a wonderer!

[hortonpilot]

Nata,
mental shift is huge.
As you say to do with survival of offspring.

Horton

[psy_guy]

That's some nice theories and stuff. I've noticed changes in woman after giving the birth to a child too.

I've a friend... Well, friend's brother it is actually , not much talking to him, but anyway, my friend has said, that he is looking for a virgin girl to have as his lifelong girl. He seems like a romantic to me. He's 15 or 16, but he is one of these not very smart, but not very stupid people, who sits in the class' corner. I'd hate to break his dreams...

By the way, I've read some time ago, that at least in our country, man usually lose virginity at 13-15 years old, and girls the same. When I think about it, I'm 19 and I'm virgin, lol. I've one friend who's the same and 19 though. I'm old school, i guess, haha.

[hortonpilot]

This is a really good topic!

However i often think women do look very narrowly when the hormones kick in.
Sometimes the desire for security is blinkered at the expense of happiness and the ability of the partner to be a proper father.
*Some women chose terrible fathers for their children?
This has often puzzled me as it seems to go against the biological imperitive?

Social programming might also be an influence?

Horton

[voodoo scientist]

This is a dumb prejudice. The reason you can all recognize this happening is because some aspects of the sum psychology of any smart or dumb man/woman will be attracted to some aspects of their corresponding opposite as well as their counterpart. People are attracted to strong, positive characteristics, tending to differ only in the degree to which they prefer one or more characteristic at the particular time in their life, which is subject to everything from cohort effect to environmental factors and even smaller, less universal factors like blood alcohol level.

The principle's the same as personality tests. While 'smart girls' are attracted to bad 'boys,' they are not only attracted to bad boys (which, as with personality tests, is where the predictive value of this hypothesis evaporates).

[NataEames]

Different kind of girls will be attracted to different kinds of boys, i agree
But anyone who lacks danger and adventure in their life will feel at least sexually attracted towards those who are that type

[voodoo scientist]

Different kind of girls will be attracted to different kinds of boys, i agree
But anyone who lacks danger and adventure in their life will feel at least sexually attracted towards those who are that type

You obviously missed the point of my post entirely. But it's okay, everyone gets one pick-me-up from good old voodoo!

[NataEames]

nope i didn't miss it, just adding my own 5 cents LOL

I'm one of the biggest geeks you'll find and I'm still attracted to the kind that is generalized here as "bad boys"

I'm also one of the toughest chicks around here these days. And by the way, a lot of smart guys and smart girls are also attracted to me. So I guess this works for both sexes.

[voodoo scientist]

nope i didn't miss it, just adding my own 5 cents LOL

I'm one of the biggest geeks you'll find and I'm still attracted to the kind that is generalized here as "bad boys"

I'm also one of the toughest chicks around here these days. And by the way, a lot of smart guys and smart girls are also attracted to me. So I guess this works for both sexes.

I don't know you and with all due respect, who and what you think you are has no relevance for the validity of the claims you make. What should be crystal clear to you here is that this doesn't "work for both sexes," because the effect you propose doesn't exist in the first place. You aren't attracted to "bad/smart boys," you're attracted to certain behaviors that you've later categorized ('stereotyped' in layman's terms, to get the full term meaning I'm looking for) as "bad/smart boy behavior."

The point I'm trying to illustrate to you is that everyone displays those behaviors from time to time, even girls - who are difficult to construe as "bad/smart boys" no matter how you look at it, effectively controlling for the issue of 'What is a bad/smart boy anyway?' When they display those behaviors, within the right context, then you are attracted to them.

The implications of what you suggest, regardless of your intended meaning, is that you pick up their "inner bad boy-ness" and are then attracted to that because of inherent personal bad-boy characteristics about them, which is a total and complete mischaracterization of not only human mate selection, but human personality psychology in general. It's feel-good demagogues like you who propagate the culture of the 'never-ending quest for love' and similar timesinks that consume so much of our time in the West. Your five cents are in Zimbabwean dollars.

[acousticeagle]

I've dug into my experimental dating past and ancient history to propose another little snippet of supposition about the ie., girls being attracted to the 'bad' boys. I dated a few back then that probably could be classed in that category and found that there's an element of rejection in play. I had one of those dates play 'hot and cold' with me - nice one day and the next I'd get short shrift and on that behaviour from the boy went.

The girl recognises the bad boy behaviour (as described from personal experience as above for eg) as rejection. If the boy then turns to give the girl attention, the rejection feelings have already worked on the girl's psych; not wanting the feelings of rejection to remain, she seeks his attention. By the bad boy giving the girl attention (again) then she is made to feel special - even privileged. I think there's a lot to add in regards to the girl's sense of self-worth here as well.

btw, I will agree with VS's  comment regarding Nata's comment.

[NataEames]

To get this straight to you, once again, I didn't generalize anyone as "smart girls", "bad boys" and whatnot. I understand that there are uncountable personality traits in each person.

I didn't create those stereotypes but people do like to stereotype others, and unconsciously, themselves. Think of all the times you've heard someone describe themselves "I'm an introvert", "I have a type A personality", "I have OCD".

Sure, all those terms are understandable and accepted by the society but they have much more subsections to them and too many other factors involved.

But believe me, only those who don't know who they are display, like you imply, "all" of those behaviors. Nobody with the slightest sense of self-awareness and stability will exhibit such drastic changes of behavior. Those are signs of severe immaturity.

[S. Earl Martin]

Although I agree with Voo Doo to an extent that every person and situation is different. I have experenced the girls likeing bad boys phenomenon. Several times when I was dating I would have a intellectually smart girl friend and would treat her like a princess. I would buy her things take her out to wherever she wanted to go and I would find out they were screwing around on me with some punk. When I asked them why they would do this they told me that even though I treat them very well "he is so exciting". So I told them to get out. If they wanted Mr. excitment go for it. After they were actually with Mr. excitment they would realize he wasn't so exciting and they literally wouldn't understand why. I would explain that it wasn't him that was exciting, but the danger and excitment of getting caught. Now that they got caught the excitment is over. They begged me to take them back. I told them I could never trust them and it wasn't going to happen. Some of them called me for years saying they never found a man that treated them like I did and would still try and get me to take them back. Even after I was married.
So I believe there is some validity to this.

[tech53]

the truth is that women AND men are attracted to all types. Although I DO think you're on to something with the hormone thing. When people with more femme personalities are young they look for a protector personality...later on they "come into their own" and realize they don't need protecting, learn to understand and read their hormones (though they only get stronger as a woman ages) and over all gain an understanding, as ALL of us can, given that we embrace our sexuality, gender identity, who we are in general. I think that the softer, "touchy feely" part of society that women are encouraged to indulge in, along with other "woman" things allow them to choose who they want. I'm a combination of the bad boy sexually and the good guy in the rest of life, and when show others "the bad boy" I still find women, women in their 20s, 30s, and 40s. (that's where I stop...lol)  I also find women who are attracted to the nice guy in me, and mention that more than the others. It's all about understanding who you are, what you want in what situation, and what's good for you. Some days I want the bad girl or boy, other days I want the nice person.  That's the thing, society encourages women to explore who they are, their personality, to get in touch with their inner woman, all sorts of things men are discouraged in doing, which makes it so when or IF men do explore various aspects of themselves, they begin this at a much later age than most women, making it all the longer before they come to that place your 25 year old woman already has. I would offer the time tested proof of this in that you often younger women interested in older men and vice versa. I think it's due to more than just that very fun sexual aspect, or the cash aspect, because let's be honest, things don't work as well at an older age and not everyone is rich. SO...I'll conclude with saying, think outside the box. Oh...and I'm no doctor, just a smart gf (genderfluid). 

[Penelope903]

I think it depends on a personality of a person...Every one of us has it's unique criticism on a person...it depends if what makes you happy....

[S. Earl Martin]

I agree, I should point out that in my experience this applies in certain situations. Not that all smart girls like bad boys. Just some. Also as far as stereo types or labels goes? Humans tend to label things in our enviornment. This gives us a sense of control and familiarity. Even though these labels may not be totally accurate it is human nature. Reputation and names follow us thru out our lives. In some cases it might follow us beyond our lives. Think of the people with the last name Hitler. For generations their name would suggest evil to many people.   

[JamesMMA]

Codependent Personality or Codependent Personality Disorder.

Caveat: Does not apply universally to this "problem".

[hortonpilot]

Smart girls can be very reckless and can be as wild as some dumb nutter.
Can think of a couple who have caused carnage.

So smart girls are not always good company and virtuous!

Horton.

[ErikAndersen]

Hi everyone. I hear more and more about stupid girls liking smart boys, and smart girls liking crazy boys. In my school, there are a few higher IQ girls, at least from a discussion with my friend, who's a guy, who cannot live without a girl. He's smart though, so i pretty much trust most of his opinion most of the time. So there we go, i thought, that that's some clichey... Or w/e that word is written, I've no idea. But since this is happening in our school, and that friend of mine have had a lot of girls, some of them were smart and left him for those "bullies", I'm starting to question my own logic and thinking. What's up with that? Is there a bit of truth, or it's just a coincidence and I shouldn't be questioning my logic with this thing?

Thanks for your input.

Your logic fails any and all formal logic tests

Those "smart" girls don't seem very "smart" to me!

My suggestion to you is to find a hobby where you can do incredible things. I am not sure what your skills are, but think about what you're good at and refine that. Shockingly enough, 99.9% of studies show that women are attracted to confident men! Find something you like to do and realize the incredible power you have simply for being a human who is interested in life and all it has to offer. You will soon have more women than you even want to deal with! Once you become confident that you have plenty to offer any woman, you will see the world differently and more positively.
Good luck!

[hortonpilot]

I do often wonder about what actually wonder about the concept of a "nice" or "smart" person?

So much of this is just a construct or illusion, plays into the whole idea that people are not always what they seem.
Various respectable people endorse  this or that and we later find they are far from honest.

Various politicians with kind faces have endorsed war and suffering, so you then have to wonder?

Smart girls are often very,very bad.

Horton

[matas]

Horton,

Another thing that I found very interesting is how a woman's mentality completely changes after she gives birth to a child.

And I've noticed that the more difficult the birth, the more of a change there is.

The woman becomes much more mature, and sometimes completely stops all of her habits like smoking, drinking, even nail-biting without wanting it again.

She becomes much more aware of herself and her surroundings and no matter how self-centered or bitchy she was before having a child, becomes very selfless and caring.

My mom had a pretty easy birth, no surprise she's still a wonderer!

Very true..... It's posts like these that remind me how much common sense is in psychology...

[hortonpilot]

Matas,
Another thing that I found very interesting is how a woman's mentality completely changes after she gives birth to a child.

 seen this to.
 for some it is a good thing
Others make no adjustment when they have children, mothering instinct is not that strong.

one of the best things in life is seeing your children blossom.

Horton

[HexHammer]

Imo it can be various factors depending on the indiviual and enviroment.

- superiority/inferiority factor, to dominate or being dominated.
- some will choose a partner who will stimulate them intellectually, just a comfort "pet" or both.
- our choises can be caused by an intelligent choise, or subconciously by compulsions.