To treat this trauma,what books will be helpful to me? I'm a Chinese by the way.

[WiseBeast]

Actually , I'm an official psychological consultant of China.

But I feel that I'm so poor in the field of psychology,we really lack of relevant resources here.

And when I tried to treat my own traumas, I feel weak, I don't know how to do it.

So I'm seeking for help here , as you are in a much more richer enviorment of psychological imformations, I think you can give me some advice.

I don't expect you can treat me directly ,but if you can recommend me some persons or books which you think will be helpful to me, I'll appreciate your efforts very much.

This is my problem:My mom was born and grown up in a family which do have a democatic atmosphere,and she had never been beatend in her life,meanwhile my father was born and grown up in a family which is build up on dictatorship and violent.
But they got married somehow,and I came to this world after then.

In the first 5 years of my life ,I lived a very happy life, I'm healthy both physicly and mentally, but since I went to school ,everything changed, my father start to beat me to force me study hard,and my angry and afraid mood about him makes our relationship very bad.At the same time my mother loves me very much,and spoiled me.
These two different treatment from my parents makes my suffers and happiness more intense.I hate my father very much from 6-20,I very often want to kill him,but I don't have the capacity to harm others as my mother gives me the kindness side.
During my childhood and teenagerhood,I was fond of computer games and addicted to it.
I prefer competive computer games ,especially compete with human beings.
As I do have strong motive to win, I can do well in all these kind of computer games.
My father and I did have lots of conflicts about it.He beat me hardly for many times,and I insulted him deeply by my vicious word. They want me to have a better life,but they don't know how to deal with me when I was in my adolescency. At that pieriod, I'm a very irritable person with strong opposability,my parents even kneeled down before me once,and hope that can awake my normal consciousness.But that doesn't work at that time.

After I went to the university,I tried to meliorate my caracter and I succeeded in many points, I become a more kindly person.But I still have some problems.Sometimes, I still had nightmare about my conflicts with father. And I am easy to get nervous and anxious before very little social forces, I will over-reacted to it,and then makes myself have a bad sleep and slump into a bad mood.And I can't focus on something for a longtime, as there is always something makes me unpeaceful in my mind, though I can't tell what is,it belongs to subconciousness, I think I lack of safety feeling.

And these two stuff bothered me a lot and are obstacles to my develpment of my own potential.

I need you to tell me which books or authors are good at this kind of problems.

And an easy additional question is , should I give up the competive computer games completely from now on?

Thanks for all you guys who have viewed this post.

Enjoy your life!

[S. Earl Martin]

Look at the suggested topic's below. Set positive goals for yourself. Try not to imitate the bad behavior.
Peace

[RisingSun]

Sounds like your parents need to read a book on Confucian family roles, particularly husband and wife roles. As Confucius said, if the husband will be [proper] husband, and wife [proper] wife, there will be good government and peace.