When the lover (the "other") becomes the new wife?

[Javier]

Imagine this scenerio: a husband has an affair with a woman. After a while cheating on his wife, he decides to leave his wife and marry the lover.

It looks like a bad start for the new relationship. Can the new wife be sure that what she did wont be done to her in the future? And what if the man has kids from the previous marriage, do you think it will make the new wife more eager to have kids with him so she can claim some "rights" and make the whole thing look more legitimate?


Do you think the guy will feel guilty about what he did to his former wife, or about the kids he abandoned?

Of course each person is different, and each scenario unique, but what do you think about it?

[sakoz]

Hope you don't mind my asking? But is this "scenario" your situation? Or maybe your witing a novel or a soap opera?

[gone]

I think you are the new wife and you're worried you can't match up to what your new husband had previously. An affair is very different to marriage. You (I presume from your writing you are the new wife) are demonstrating 'insecurity' in that you are thinking about the scenario, and asking for thoughts here.. No one can know your situation and it is a HUGE waste of time you thinking about what others (your new husband) is thinking. Having children wont make you *LOOK* more 'legitimate.. Why would you worry about how things 'LOOK'.. it's about how they ARE (to you).. Forget what other people (your husband) will think you'll never know and forget how the whole things 'looks' because it's not worth contemplating. Relationships should be fun.

[Javier]

 

Hope you don't mind my asking? But is this "scenario" your situation? Or maybe your witing a novel or a soap opera?

Nope. The first wife is my friend. I am worried about her, and try to help her as much as possible.

[SWM]

I am worried about her

what are you thinking is going to happen and what makes you think this?

[Javier]

I am worried about her

what are you thinking is going to happen and what makes you think this?

I am worried because the first wife is my friend. It's more than a friendship, I love her, and I know she's suffering from this situation, the guy is not sending her the support money, and there's a lot of tension. So that's why I try to help her as much as possible, with good advices.

[sakoz]

Advice and commiseration are not as helpful as helping your friend recognize her innate resources, that's what helps or at least helps alleviate"some" of the suffering.
I just posted  "What Constitues/Comprises Mental Health" give her a copy. Much suffering is self induced, get rid of those.

[SWM]

I am worried about her

what are you thinking is going to happen and what makes you think this?

I am worried because the first wife is my friend. It's more than a friendship, I love her, and I know she's suffering from this situation, the guy is not sending her the support money, and there's a lot of tension. So that's why I try to help her as much as possible, with good advices.

so are you looking for reasons why the new relationship will fail?

[Javier]

I am worried about her

what are you thinking is going to happen and what makes you think this?

Yes. I'd like to see the new relationship failing. Because of all the pain my friend suffered I'd like to see it falling tenfold upon the guy and the new wife.
I am worried because the first wife is my friend. It's more than a friendship, I love her, and I know she's suffering from this situation, the guy is not sending her the support money, and there's a lot of tension. So that's why I try to help her as much as possible, with good advices.

so are you looking for reasons why the new relationship will fail?

[matas]

Well like you said, every situation is unique, so it is very hard to offer any advice. However I find it is sometimes better to just "forget about it and move on".

One more thing, who cares what others think? It's what you/your friend thinks.