Why cant i make up my mind?

[welshdude22]

Ever since i was a child i only wanted to do one thing and that was become a soldier. My father was a big influence because at the time i saw him as a hero he told me all these stories about him on exercises etc... he is a right military fanatic.

I use to read books about the SAS when i was about 8 or 9, use to look at the photos that were in those books i never read them as such just looked at the photos and admired the soldiers in them. As i grew older i started to find out that my fathers stories were in fact false.

By that time though i was in the Army cadet force, i loved it i was always sad when a annual camp was over. My last camp was in 2006 i was a sergeant at that point and in the group i was in we were taught by regular soldiers who have done a fair stretch in the army. One of them really liked me and liked the way i performed on exercise. He wanted me to join his unit, he even gave me a t-shirt with the regiments crest on it was miles to big for me and he said when see you next i want that tight.

My fascination for the army started to fade away when i started college and left the army cadets but after a year in college i joined the Territorial army (reserves) but that was to get my driving license. I passed basic training and gained my license soon as i got my car i hardly went to the TA drill nights, i ended up hating the place because of the people there. I then transferred to a infantry regiment hoping to get rushed through training so i could fight on the frontline in afghanistan but 3 days into basic training i quit. I was with my current girlfriend at the time and missed her like mad, sometimes i think if i didnt have a girlfriend would i of quit.

Why do i keep getting phases of wanting to be in the army then other times just wanting a regular job. My head is all over the place, been bugging me for years.

[psy_guy]

To give you an answer to your question - you have thoughts of a normal job, because you want to be with your girlfriend, or because you deep down don't wanna be in the army, or because deep down you want a real job. The last two are about the same though.

You obviously wanted some advice too. The only I can give you is this: think hard, do you want a life with a normal job and a family, or you want to be in the army with no family, or a family, which you will see rarely. You will probably regret one or another choice, whichever you will choose.

[gone]

May be you have become disolusioned with the illusion created of the armed services. Your father created an illustion (with his fictional stories) and you seem repulsed that someone expected you to fill a t-shirt (which is rather shallow). Any rational person would start to question if this is really something they want to be a part of.

If you are a genuine person who doesn't like lies or the superficial it's easy to see how you can reject the ideals forced upon you. You have recognised how the service can be useful to you (driving) and have used it for your own gain. I think you are an independent thinker and the military doesn't want independent thinkers, infact they go out of their way to re-program people (with fight or flight - manipulation of the acute stress response) they need fighting machines, not thinkers (unless you're in the intelligence corp perhaps).
Is the military really for you? Think about what you are good at and what carreer would satisfy you (not your father) and you seem young enough to be able to pursue anything that takes your fancy.
Most people's heads are all over the place, I wouldn't worry too much about that.

[welshdude22]

May be you have become disolusioned with the illusion created of the armed services. Your father created an illustion (with his fictional stories) and you seem repulsed that someone expected you to fill a t-shirt (which is rather shallow). Any rational person would start to question if this is really something they want to be a part of.

If you are a genuine person who doesn't like lies or the superficial it's easy to see how you can reject the ideals forced upon you. You have recognised how the service can be useful to you (driving) and have used it for your own gain. I think you are an independent thinker and the military doesn't want independent thinkers, infact they go out of their way to re-program people (with fight or flight - manipulation of the acute stress response) they need fighting machines, not thinkers (unless you're in the intelligence corp perhaps).
Is the military really for you? Think about what you are good at and what carreer would satisfy you (not your father) and you seem young enough to be able to pursue anything that takes your fancy.
Most people's heads are all over the place, I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Reason i keep getting these phases is because i cant keep or get a job and the only thing i am good at is soldiering.

That guy who told me to fill that t-shirt was the one who wanted me to be in his platoon because he said i was great on the field alsosaid he would get me the forms to fill out that day if i wanted to join i turned him down though saying i was going to be in the engineers i was only 16 at the time.

[gone]

I see. You can't only be good at soldering. You can write (as you do here) not many people can, believe it or not. I'm sure there are many other things you're good at. And many more things to experience which you may/may not be good at.
Your question is why do you keep wanting to be in the army and then at times wanting a regular job. We are all undecided. The army is probably more familiar to you than anything else. You're father, you've looked in books, cadettes and TA etc.. We all like a bit of familiarity in our lives, maybe when you are feeling alone or vulnerable you start to think about the army because that's what you know best and it's 'safe' (although very unsafe on the front line), safe in that you know where you are and what to expect etc, it's not as scarey as the big wide world.

That's a rational explanation to answer your question. But only a theory.

[welshdude22]

True but throughout my life until recently ive been army mad, ive always wanted to experience combat always wanted to be a soldier but then another part of me just wants to earn money and live life. I dont know wether to take life seriously or not, i don't know wether to do something big like become a soldier or just become a tradesman, i tried to become a welder i was good at that but i couldnt get an apprenticeship and when i did i lost it because i couldnt get on with the boss, sometimes i think if life is predetermined.