I'm on my way to start a new study after the last one made me sick with schizophrenia ten years ago. The new study could be similar to the last one or something else - which is why I hesitate and ask this forum! I finished the last one early and am quite insecure now to fail the second time - the first was intercultural and Dutch - I am a German
Now: my parents won't finance! My mum didn't do a study because her parents didn't finance. She remained quite shy and insecure about that. She married a man wide below her - in educational terms, instead, who apparently masturbated thinking of me. My mum is a broken or split personality herself who is not much of a help to me now.
I am asking myself for quite a while now whether I shouldn't go on with my studies? This time on a distant learning scheme!? or I start a new one with a subject maybe on something intercultural? In any case I have to finance myself since for my parents, it's too heavy to deal with their expectations (not too high or too little) regarding that.
What would you do if you were in my position (with no financial aid): Go on or turn around?
My mum pursuits me in her mind and in concrete as failed students pursuit their teachers.
Sometimes I think she even masturbates thinking of my former teachers - or of politicians (I studied politics).
In any case,my mum's sexuality interferes with me.
She seems to have experienced it like this via the abuse of the father.
I pitty her for that, but think it's disgusting and don't wanna know about it at the same time, it makes me afraid and angry.
Anyway, schizophrenia starts with it, and it's why I have given up talking about my problems 30 years ago: Shall I go on with my studies or do something new??
For to ask friends: Either they dig too much inside to feel me (with drugs) or they are too occupied or nervous (with drugs)
Asking for advice here in this forum is a great gift therefore; thanks a lot in advance!
C.
The father fucks the daughter, the envying mother fucks her teachers. Sex is evil and tabou in this constellation.
Where to turn to for to get well again? Talk about it in the surrounding of a costy family therapy?
I could tell them to stopp smoking if they stopp the fuck....and could get rid of any self-destructive and depressive tendencies thereby?!
I know someone who incredibly steps on my nerves. She makes a living on procuration, mostly on a full-time basis.Now, she wants the pimp on a dean - no matter the situation I'm in. She secretly resolvs her self-esteem out of (failt) love affairs and feels so incredibly great and superior, keeps telling it around and around. And: Keeps messing me up and makes me feel stuck (with parents using it up).
and then there's on the other hand the old friend who's that desperately in love with me that his back broke. He would rather die before admitting! There's two cousins one of which lost 40 pound via me and votes "german nationalistic" - if only that would change. Last but not least the other cousin who finally received the news that grandma did of phrenic. The question is what I die off if he keeps on pulling with his thinking.
father starts the fuckage once I talk to him.
So, it's absolutly impossible to talk to him at all.
That again makes me very much afraid of him and feel ashamed.
Instead, I love(d) the big boss.
The feeling of "Love" made me very afraid and feel guilty.
That went that far, that I asked myself, whether love is forbidden at all in my country
- if you don't wanna feel like a nude?
Summarisingly (and solvingly, if not hopefully ending):
My mum follows my projects very well: She talks and talks about it in the neighbourhood and among friends. They tell it again further and so on and so on. They all agree: sure won't make it - cause she feels soooooooooooo bad. (she must fee
My father has no German and no other tongue. He shouts and builds the letters with me.
my mum has a 'compulsion'.
My father abuses children and is schizoid. not me.
psychiatrists picked me to help them. i just can't get rid of them.
and study doesn't work.
