A murderous mind in a healthy body. Emptiness is eating me alive.

[something123]

Hi. Thank you for reading. Excuse my english, I'm from a non english speaking country.

On to the "problem". I'm sure a lot of people, including some on this forum, have felt the feeling of sadness over a wasted day, or a wasted life.
I'm a 29 year old boy\man. Physically healthy, have a job, friends, and my self esteem is good. The sad thing is that my mind is constantly telling me that I have failed.
I had good abilities in both sports and at school, but still I never pursued any of that. I chose the easy way out,  and just started at a job my father got for me.

As for a lot of people, most of the hobbies I had when I was young are now gone. Outgrew them, or simply did not find them any fun anymore.
After work I usually make dinner for myself and then I sit down infront of the fireplace and drink tea and think.  I have the time and the money do to whatever I want, but I don't really want to do anything. An feeling of emptiness fills my head. Discontent and bitterness follows thereafter.

The few times I try the things I was really good at when I was younger, mediorcrity sets in an shatters the image of my former greatness.

The last few years I have traveled quite a lot. Just to see what the world had to offer. Seen a lot of great things, but mostly I get the feeling that I want to go home.
Home to my house of solitude. Sometimes I think it would be better for me to have grown up having nothing, then the life I live now would be a great improvement.
Now my life is a big disappointment. Born with he ability to go to the moon, but for some reason didn't get further than to my fireplace with a cup of tea.

Hopefully my silly ideas that my life has any meaning will pass, and I will accept mediocrity and be content with having nothing. Dying of old age with two empty eyes starring out into nothing. The world moves on like nothing happened, and I will be lowered into the ground with a few careless people watching.


Other people with feelings similar to this, or maybe you just want to post a comment of some kind. Much appreciated.
Now I must go, really need a cup of tea after all this writing.


Adieu

[pljames]

Dear something123,
 I too live with mediocrity. I have never done anything special with my life. But Knowledge I have. And will share that knowledge with anyone who will listen. What are any of your experiences in your life? Good and bad? Did you learn from them? Life is a learning adventure until your last breath.

Is there someone out there you can help? Any one? When you give you get back ten fold. There are millions of people out there who have nothing. You can help. Give them hope to carry on, that will be your legacy to them and the world and yourself. Think about it. Let me hear from you. pl

[Kiar]

I have never had greatness about me. I do know that I have some things going for me. My kids are wonderfull. If I would have done nothing with my life I did make them and they are alot of joy.

I think you might be leaving something out.  The part about your work. If you are not happy at work you are not happy at all.

Just be all you can be or you will be empty.  It would be nice to have a family to share in it. Put up a plan and work on it.