Degenerative Brain Disease

[oxxy]

Hello all. I was hesitant to post here but I felt that this may be the only place I can discuss this openly.

Here goes:

Lately I've been having problems with my memory which in turn results in a general misunderstanding of things. Not only is this a major hindrance, it's also very discouraging in regards to my mental health. As of late, I've seen a decline in my motor skills which is further an indicative of what I believe to be, a degenerative brain disease. I'm now 34 and have had subtle symptoms as early as my teens. I haven't gone for a diagnosis from a professional as I fear confirming my inevitable demise.

Because there aren't any records from my biological parents, I can't confirm if what I have is genetic. I hoped that I could deal with this on my own but being a father of three, my dream of solitude is long gone. Not being able to hold your newborn in fear of dropping him because of a spontaneous spasm is heartbreaking to say the least. When my symptoms act up, performing everyday, seemingly mundane tasks, is a challenge all on its own. It's painful really, not the physical pain, no, but rather putting on a smile as you struggle kissing your kid goodnight knowing it could be your last. I cry myself to sleep every night in fear of not seeing their precious smiles in the morning and thank the lord when he gives me that extra day. Their support are my sole wheels on this rusted carriage and what has kept me going this far.

I have the utmost love and support from my family but I fear the day where I will no longer be able to embrace my them. I've been taking anti-depressants recently and this has helped me cope even if just a little. It's heart wrenching seeing my wife's smile knowing its a front for my benefit. Even with my family, I feel that I can't go on as the glee I once upheld is long gone.

I sincerely thank you all for reading my pathetic life story but I feel as if there is no place to hide. Words can't fully express my melancholy.



Love,



Danniel

[SWM]

if you went to get professional help what would be he worst thing that you could be told, the worst possible scenario?

and what would be the best possible scenario?