Depression --> Anger + Anxiety, Disturbing thoughts

[Noble_Cloud]

Hi I'm new here. I apologize if this topic doesn't fit within this category (I'm not quit sure were else to put it). I just hope that someone out there can provide me with a few answers or at least point me in the right direction. I'm 28 years old and I'm in really good physical health, I watch everything I eat, workout, etc..., and there still seems to be one aspect of my life that I can't fully get control of, my mind. Here we go, I've faught depression for years when I was younger. I attempted suicide once, ended up in a coma for three days... pills! This was when I was about 20 or 21. Well thankfully after that experience not only did I survive but I haven't felt like ever committing that selfish act again. But heres the thing. I still faught moderate depression for awhile after that, using legal and illegal substances to cope with my problems. I was a functioning addict. Nobody new, paid all my bills on time, but I was still very, very depressed. Now, I think it's been roughly a year and half now and I haven't been depressed. Well at least not like I use to be. But I've noticed that while my depression has subsided my ability to manage anger has subsided as well. I place this topic, question, post within Anxiety and Panic Disorders cause that is the only symptom that I have maintained throughout this whole experience. It's been unwavering. Still at its same potency (which is high) and still hard to manage. I don't know if this could be the root of my problems or not. Also I've notice some disturbing thoughts come into my mind. This is strange cause I experienced this when I was younger but even then had no clue what it was and worried about it. I (mostly in the morning & at night) have weird visions of me getting hurt. Hit by a car, knives going through me, catching some horrible disease, really suffering and these visions are really vivid and scary. When my brain is motoring and fully awake though I don't have these issues though. This went away when I was younger and developed depression. I no longer have depression and now it's back. I have no clue as to what this is and I am really worried. I don't want something like this to progress. I stay very active in my days. Work almost all the time. I have many projects, I'm really creative and love to learn. I love life but fear I may loose it. Also mental Illness runs in both my mothers and fathers family. I'm currently taking Zoloft 25 mg, any higher I start to feel doped up, any less and things get weird after about 1 to 2 weeks. Take Xanax 0.2 mg once a day, in the morning cause this is when for some reason my anxiety is the highest. Any positive or productive comments would be deeply appreciated. Don't know where else to go and just looking for some answers. Thank you.

[voodoo scientist]

There's no such thing as controlling your mind, you are your mind. The big quest for true self-control is a red herring that you only win when you stop looking. It's kind of like mate selection for males: if you're desperate for emotional attachment, no girl will touch you. I'd bet good money all your symptoms come back to trying to find a "next level of control" that simply doesn't exist. I see it all too often.

[SWM]

@Noble Cloud

hi,

when trying to understand emotional problems i try to identify particular things that relate to particular problems.
for example

with depression i would look for what are you unhappy about.

for anxiety i would look for what you might be afraid of.

and with anger is there something that you want to change but would find very difficult or stressful.

i can undertand some of your anxiety which is evident in your post but can you fill in the blanks?

[Noble_Cloud]

Sorry it took so long to reply. A Thousand and one things going on in my life. Well, I'll try to best describe what's angering me. I think it all boils down to frustration. I have a lot of demands in my life and if one little thing trips me up (ie: no matter how small or trivial) frustration just boils within me. I've never really had an easy time letting go. As far back as I can remember I've never truly been able to just let go. When something upsets or angers me it just sticks. I've tried meditation, herbal supplements (Kava kava), medication (Valium) and the only one that unfortunately worked the best in my experience was Valium 10mg 3 x day. Yeah I know that's a lot and plus I as much as the next person don't want to be taking drugs for the rest of my life. I don't know what to do. I'm also stuck within a deli-ma. I haven't had Valium for over 3 years. It's a long story. So I've had to find alternative means to coping. Some stuff like meditation is hit or miss. Sometimes it works, sometimes my frustration (believe it or not) gets worse when I'm done, sometimes nothing happens. I'm really starting to worry because I think that this overwhelming stress is starting to affect my body. I'm 28 and my heart hasn't always been in the best shape. At least from what I feel. I've been through dozens of tests and the doctors always tell me that my heart is in fine shape but I experience racing heart, bad heart palpitations that force me to cough, sinking feelings in my heart like its trying to catch up, dizziness along with racing heart. I like if I don't get this stuff under control soon I may have a heart attack before I turn 30 and when you have a 3 year old kid that's scary. When I was on Valium in the past I never had a problem like this. It sucks cause right now (although I'm working) I don't have health insurance so a doctors visit and medication wont be cheap. Plus I'm always scared to ask for it, especially with the way things are now with people abusing medication. I don't know. I wish that I could figure something out cause I really can't afford to drop the ball right now. I'm not sure if any of this is what you asked for but if you have any further question feel free to post. I do appreciate your feedback and hope to hear from you.

[SWM]

think about CBT based self help books, for stress and anxiety.  there are a load of them out there, check on amazon for used stuff, if you can. it really is worth spending a couple of dollars on a book.

some of my reccomendations.
Overcoming Anger and Irritability: A Self-Help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioral Techniques

or this one Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think by Dr C Padesky, is a classic one for all emotional difficulties.


and for only $0.01 on amazon Overcoming Anger: How to Identify It, Stop It, and Live a Healthier Life

[Noble_Cloud]

I do appreciate the info, I'll look into it for sure.

[marymn]

Try a simple breathing procedure called Synchronized Breathing which helps you a lot to get relaxed.

Steps to perform Synchronized Breathing

* Sit in a comfortable position with your back upright.
* Inhale rapidly through your nose as you tilt your head back while simultaneously inflating your abdomen.
* Immediately exhale quickly through your mouth as you bow your head down while compressing your abdomen.
* Repeat 10 to 15 times.
* Then relax with your head vertical and concentrate on the top of your head, the mid-brow area and the centre of your chest simultaneously while breathing slowly for 30 seconds.
* Repeat the entire process three times.