Author Topic: I need help.  (Read 1272 times)

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shadow

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I need help.
« on: December 31, 2008, 07:07:03 AM »
This is a question about grief... out of what I've researched, the feelings of immense pain and despair are supposed to fade after awhile. It has been almost 5 years since my guinea pig... yes, guinea pig... passed away. I was in 6th grade at the time, and the way it happened might be part of why I can't get over it or ever stop thinking about it. I stayed home from school that day because I knew something was wrong with him, and he convulsed, squealing and twitching, and ended up dying in my arms. I am a huge animal lover, and he was my first pet, and I loved him. I still cry constantly and go through phases of not being able to cope with the fact he is dead. When that happens I feel like I belong in a mental hospital. It worries me. Is it ever natural for this to go on for so long?

Shell

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Re: I need help.
« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2008, 09:03:30 PM »
Shadow, since I'm not experienced with therapy I can't give you any professional advice.  And I won't google the answer for you because I'm sure if you wanted a googled answer you would've sought it yourself.

BUT I will say that grief itself is natural.  How long grief lasts is a different thing. 

Can you try to pinpoint when exactly your feelings of grief about your pet are triggered?  Is it when you watch something about animals on TV or is it when you're stressed?  The fact that he died when in your arms might be a thing, too -- would you say you felt guilt about him dying?  Can you describe the feelings you experience while you're grieving, the things you think about? 

When I was little, my grandfather used to raise animals like pigs and goats and stuff.  We kids played with the animals all the time -- I was particularly fond of the pigs.  I loved them and found them to be very  affectionate.  The first time I found out they were being butchered was very traumatizing for me.  My grandfather told me to lure one of them with a bowl of food.  Told me to lure him to the back kitchen (which is like an outside kitchen).  So of course "Casper" followed me and as soon as we got to the kitchen, my uncles locked me inside the house and told me not to peek.  Well, I peeked and saw them kill the pig.  The way they did it was horrible, the screams were horrible, and to this day I feel wrecked just thinking of it.  For a long time I couldn't even eat pork. 

With my feelings about these animals' deaths, I don't necessarily grieve them as one would for something that JUST died, but I would feel really bad about it and if I got to talking about it with someone I might even cry.

When you're thinking of your guinea pig, do you feel as if you lost him all over again or are your feelings more just sadness or are they maybe traumatic because you witnessed him die?

daftcow

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Re: I need help.
« Reply #2 on: January 01, 2009, 01:38:36 AM »
Shadow,

I lost one of my guniea pigs 15 years ago in a horrific accident.  I lost another one 10 years ago, and my beloved rabbit died 13 years ago.  I am 25 now and I still cry over it sometimes and I cannot talk about any of their deaths in detail without breaking down.  I don't know if thats normal but I, too am an animal lover.  I just wanted you to know that I know exactly what youre going through, youre not the only one and youre not alone.

If you ever need to talk you can PM me and add me to msn.

xhugsx
« Last Edit: January 01, 2009, 01:39:10 AM by daftcow »

shadow

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Re: I need help.
« Reply #3 on: January 01, 2009, 03:48:14 AM »
Shadow, since I'm not experienced with therapy I can't give you any professional advice.  And I won't google the answer for you because I'm sure if you wanted a googled answer you would've sought it yourself.

BUT I will say that grief itself is natural.  How long grief lasts is a different thing. 

Can you try to pinpoint when exactly your feelings of grief about your pet are triggered?  Is it when you watch something about animals on TV or is it when you're stressed?  The fact that he died when in your arms might be a thing, too -- would you say you felt guilt about him dying?  Can you describe the feelings you experience while you're grieving, the things you think about? 

When I was little, my grandfather used to raise animals like pigs and goats and stuff.  We kids played with the animals all the time -- I was particularly fond of the pigs.  I loved them and found them to be very  affectionate.  The first time I found out they were being butchered was very traumatizing for me.  My grandfather told me to lure one of them with a bowl of food.  Told me to lure him to the back kitchen (which is like an outside kitchen).  So of course "Casper" followed me and as soon as we got to the kitchen, my uncles locked me inside the house and told me not to peek.  Well, I peeked and saw them kill the pig.  The way they did it was horrible, the screams were horrible, and to this day I feel wrecked just thinking of it.  For a long time I couldn't even eat pork. 

With my feelings about these animals' deaths, I don't necessarily grieve them as one would for something that JUST died, but I would feel really bad about it and if I got to talking about it with someone I might even cry.

When you're thinking of your guinea pig, do you feel as if you lost him all over again or are your feelings more just sadness or are they maybe traumatic because you witnessed him die?

It feels like I lost him all over again. I can't get the imagine of him convulsing and squealing, and finally just turning cold and still in my arms out of my mind. It drives me crazy sometimes.

coyote

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Re: I need help.
« Reply #4 on: January 01, 2009, 06:23:23 PM »
Shadow I am so sorry this still hurts so badly. Have you tried doing something to comemerate his life? I think sometimes when we grieve so badly its because we dont have any rituals for saying goodbye in certain circumstances. Maybe you could have a small ceremony of some sort for him........  I'm at a loss how to explain it to you exactly but I know when my father died I was so young that I dont have real memories of him. But I do remember going to visit his grave, and somehow that tombstone became him for me. A few years ago my grandmother had his tombstone changed since my Mothers name was on it as a double head stone. (my mom remarried years ago) she replaced it with a single stone. I really avoid going up there now because the new stone isnt my daddy, the old one was! I know it sounds silly. But I really think if you had something tangible to express how you feel to him, (your guinea pig) It might bring you comfort.
Anyway, here is a big {{{HUG}}} for you girly!
I have gone to find myself.......if I should return before I get back, Keep me here.

Enigma

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Re: I need help.
« Reply #5 on: January 19, 2009, 09:49:00 AM »
**I am not a licensed psychologist of any kind, my advice is only intended to present an alternative opinion to the problem**

If you think you need to be in a mental hospital over this, then I should have been committed years ago.  Sounds to me like you are trapped in the past.  Since you can't change reality, you should consider changing your thinking.  Recognize the fact that he was a beloved pet, and cherish your memories with him, but understand that death is a part of life and life goes on.   I love my pets, both the ones I have now and the ones I've lost.  I know my pets love me, and would not want the memory of them to prevent me from enjoying my life.   
That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.

corwin137

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Re: I need help.
« Reply #6 on: January 22, 2009, 05:25:04 PM »
Rather than regarding yourself as "crazy", "unnatural", Abby-Normal or somesuch, it's also possible that you're maybe:

A: Not great at grieving (which is no one's fault incidentally, since humans don't consider such things much anymore since we have TV and stuff).  The details of this are big enough for me to finish the book I keep threatening.

B: Don't get to do such grieving with other sane people.  It's possible to relieve some stuff without 'em, but only so much.

At the end of the day, so to speak, you are already still saddled with totally understandable, unavoidable, not your fault (by intent or genetics) sadness.  Garden variety.  That said though, doesn't mean traditional forms of help in this way wouldn't help or be necessary.  Might be cool if you treated your sadness as gently as you treated the creature.
"THIS is your pain- it's ALL RIGHT HERE.  Don't deal with it the way those dead people do!"
-  Tyler Durden