Paranoid schizophrenia

[Agni]

Do you want to know what suffering from schizofrenia means for daily life?? It has started in my life 13 yerars ago. I started seeing and hearing and feel things which do not egsist. I was loosing my conciousness, I was living in my delusions' world. Sometimes it was very diffcult to communicate with me because I could not talk. There was three the most difficult yerars in my life. It passed but I notice that I am distorted in some way till the end in my life. I am very mistrustful and suspicious. Very often I have  an impression that someone sees with my eyes, hear with my ears, tastes with my tongue. I feel energy of others but I do not know how to cope with it, probably it is my disease. (My schizophrenia started after very, very strong emotional experience.) Or I have got impression that others come into my mind and do strange things with my thoughts. On the one side I know that my best friends are my best friends but sometimes I cannot trust anybody. Sometimes I feel that Earth is a battlefield and I am lonely soldier on it. Soldier who is still fighiting with his own fear with his own mind which is the worst enemy. Life is so difficult when you think that everybody wants to cheat you, really.....I have strong desire of partnership with someone but sometimes I see it as impossible. Last time I met very sensitive and intelligent man, he is foreginer but I do not know how to tell him about it. Not yet- I know but how and when? About treatment my disease and what I think of it I will write later if you want. And I wanted to write about my speculations about what in my opinion schizophrenia is I will write later as well. Forgive me my poor English please

[SWM]

your english is good agni, i can understand you well.

i was moved reading your story, it was for people like us that this forum was created. you are anonymous here, you are known only by the name you ask us to use and the picture you want us to see. you can reveal as much or as little as you wish to. so this is a good place for you to talk about your feelings and work out what you believe about your disease.

from personal experience i have a strong sense of the srtruggle you have had in your world. i recognise that everybody has a unique experience and that your reality will be very different from mine.

i would be very happy to talk more about this with you, when you are able.

[sure]

pretend you're hysteric
sure