Parent suffering from delusional order; not sure what (if anything) I should do?

[damianb]

Hi there folks,
well I'm currently dealing with a problem with my mother who I think has been suffering from a delusional disorder since early this year. Explaining the delusions is complicated in that I'm not sure if some of what she says is real or not or entirely what it is that she actually believes.

She has an online boyfriend (R) who she may have possbily met in real life ltowards the end of last year on holiday in NZ. After coming back she has started using FB more often which I thought was okay and good because before that she used to spend hours digging rose thorns out of her fingers and/or what she said was the results of a staph infection with needles etc (whether or not there was anything in her fingers I'm not sure but she said they were causing her pain and she had to get them out regardless of the fact that she had open wounds, said there was only a little bit more to dig out but then always kept on finding more to dig out).

I tried to get information from her on R but it was very confusing. She claimed he used personae to communicate with her and she was unsure of what the truth about him was. She thought he was involved with terrorists or owed money to mafia or something or that he was being held hostage. She even contacted the police and FB (I think) because she believed that some of the people she was in contact with on FB were committing some kind of crimes and possibly that she was in danger. As far as I know nothing came of that.

Later she suddenly decided to go overseas supposedly to meet up with R. R wasn't there but she stayed overseas for about 3.5 months. She believes that (some or all) of the people she met overseas were friends of R who were also testing her. When she came home she saw him at an airport but didn't approach her nor she him.

At the moment she is spending hours on FB (like 60% of her time) and believes that R creates accounts on FB that he uses as personae pretending to be other people in order to communicate with her and test her by seeing if she will give them her phone number because he has trust issues. Supposedly the posts or things that appear on her FB newsfeed/wall are from R (through his personae) despite  her having 4000 friends and the posts being random.

She knows that these friends are persona of R because they use similar sentences and make similar spelling mistakes.

Recently she claims (according to my aunt who has been staying here for a while) that she saw him at a restaurant - but he didn't want to look at her & was trying to hide his eyes - my aunt was there and she asked if what really was happening was that the person (in all likelihood a total stranger) was merely embarrassed that my mum was staring at him.

A few days ago she believed she saw a person she used to know at the doctors and she knew it was him but at the same time she knew it couldn't be him.

What I've described so far is I suppose things that could be plausible - things that could actually happen or be happening but there is more that suggests these things aren't happening and that instead she is delusional. For example she told me that doesn't understand how R can be on FB all the time whenever she goes on (as in 24/7). Clearly  someone can't or would be very unlikely to be on their computer continuously without breaks etc - the more like explanation for this is that he isn't on all the time and that the reason why she thinks he is online all the time are that the his personae are actually real people on FB one of which is online whenever she goes online because she has friended 4000 people.
 
What I just learned which is to me more alarming is that she believes that he is communicating with me possibly through another persona which I may or may not be mistaking for as someone I know (ie as one of my FB friends).When I tell her that I do not think one of my friends is really R (and I pretty certain of that - I have 41 friends and I know who they are) or that I'm communicating with him and know R she says I am lying because I always tell lies.

When asked how she knows these things to be real she says she just does.

I myself experienced a drug induced psychosis and was hospitalized for it, put on anti-psychotic meds and took a year or more to recover and for all my delusions to stop. Fortunately I was able to stop taking anti-psychotic meds - I currently take anti-depressants though (tricyclic Elavil/Endepp). I know what what delusions are like. I have been reading up on them and it seems she is having delusions of reference - extrapolating random things to mean something else entirely different to what they really are and to have significance and some how relate to her.
I actually had some similar delusions - in terms of thinking that I was being tested - for what I can't really remember now.


I think there is more to the delusions that I've described here or that I know.

Other than what I've mentioned above she appears to be and acts completely normal and is mostly functional in terms of the rest of her life. I am concerned though that there is more than what I know (that I'm only seeing the tip of the iceberg that is her delusions)  and as to whether or not she will get worse. I am also worried about the paranoid aspects of her delusions - that she believes that I know R and that I am lying to her about it - could it lead to her being violent against me or something else equally bad?

I don't whether I'm overreacting in regards to the paranoid apsects of her delusions or not and whether I should try to get her diagnosed etc or just sit back and wait and watch and not do anything about it as long as she otherwise remains functional?

Any help/advice/suggestions would be appreciated. Also I'm happy to provide any more info if I can.
Thanks D.

[Sorbitol]

I think the fact that you're included in her delusions and no longer believes what you have to say on the matter could indeed potentially lead to violence. I highly doubt something like this would simply resolve itself. You should try and build up some evidence on her case and present it to a licensed mental health professional and get his take on it. I believe it would be best to try and find a remedy before things get any worse.

[SWM]

It would only be considered a problem when it is distressing to her or she is a danger to herself or someone else. many people have beliefs which are not based in an objective reality and from which they respond emotionally and act accordingly. i think the best way to help for now is not to doubt her (there may be some truth from her perspective) and to be her son and friend to her. 

[damianb]

Thanks Sorbitol and SWM,
for your replies.
From my own experience of psychosis I deduced that there's nothing wrong believing in an alternate reality or that you're the fairy queen or whatever. What matters is the reality we are stuck in - which yes to some degree is based on consensus - and the fact that you need to be functional in it to a certain degree in order to take care of yourself.

Of course things like religion are not based in an objective reality that can be scientifically measured or proven and certainly for now my mother is otherwise 95% functional. I would be fine with letting her believe whatever she wants if that makes her happy.  The problem is or could be the potential that she becomes more dysfunctional to the point that the delusions and paranoia intensify resulting in her taking actions that would not only endanger herself but possibly me.

In fact I'm pretty sure she traveled overseas and met up with 'friends' of hers from facebook that she thought were just her boyfriend's personae and when they turned out not to be him she adjusted that to them being friends of his that were testing her for him.

To what degree did she know these people? While overseas she had her handbag stolen with all her money and banking cards - what other situations was she in or could she have gotten in simply because she was delusional?

It's pure luck that nothing more serious did happen.

I've decided for now not to rush into any particular action but at the same time I don't think I should have blind faith that the situation will just sort itself out.

[SWM]

I do understand your concern, for your mother and not wanting her to deteriorate, and i agree that many people function extremely effectively with delusional beliefs. some people in fact function more effectively than others due to their delusional beliefs.

coming back to what is real how would you know which reality was delusional and which real, your perspective (i.e mum is  psychotic, none of these things are happening) or your mothers perspective (I am not crazy, the boyfriend is doing some weird things). you both have a different perspective on the situation that you describe. how do you ascertain that yours is functional (not paranoid) and hers is dysfunctional (paranoid).

The problem is or could be the potential that she becomes more dysfunctional to the point that the delusions and paranoia intensify resulting in her taking actions that would not only endanger herself but possibly me.

yeah, and my position would be that you are best able to help her with that from the inside rather than someone trying to oppose her perspective.

I've decided for now not to rush into any particular action but at the same time I don't think I should have blind faith that the situation will just sort itself out.

very wise.