Terrible mind

[Mouse]

I have been going to different doctors for a long time and have been hospitalized several times, but nothing has helped me. i have sever anxiety. i constantly worry about my physical health. i fear that i have m.s. even though i have been tested and the doctors have told me that i don't. i don't trust the doctors. i also fear that i have or well develop cancer and that there is something wrong with my back and eyes.  my eyes will twitch to one side from time to time and i cant control it. also i feel a kind of pressure behind my eyes. sometimes i feel like i am blind in my left eye even though i know that i can see out of it. my left arm feels strange and around my elbow in aches sometimes. i feel claustrophobic in my own skin and clothes and i can't shake the fear that i will become paralized or wizened or just start falling apart.  i feel angry and afraid. people dont seem to like me. everyone can see that something is wrong with me and because of that they dislike me. i have no real friends and have cut all contact with family members. i can remember all of the bad things that people have said about me and they replay again and again in my mind. i know what my legal name is but i know that that is not my real name and so i constantly try on new names because i cannot remember mine. i worry that i well be in pain forever and that G-d does not like me and will send me to hell. i worry that i am not a person.  sometimes i think the faeries switch me a birth and that i am one of them or that i am just an enchanted twig with no real soul or worth and that that is why i am falling apart. i hate pretty things even though i would like to be something pretty. sometimes i want to die but i fear that i would go to hell or not exist anymore. i am an artist and a musician but i get no joy from playing music or making pictures anymore and feel like i cannot do anything good. i hate to be looked at and wish i were invisible. i hate myself and i am scared that i am stupid and that i will always feel this way.

please don't laugh at me.   

[Mouse]

i am not sure how to edit my post to say this but any thoughts or help on why i feel this way, how i could get better, or anything at all would be helpful.

[ImISFP]

don't pity yourself...maybe you just worry too much or maybe you have problems that you can't identify...have you seek any professional help (counselor, therapist, etc) ?

[warmblanket]

I have been going to different doctors for a long time and have been hospitalized several times, but nothing has helped me. i have sever anxiety. i constantly worry about my physical health. i fear that i have m.s. even though i have been tested and the doctors have told me that i don't. i don't trust the doctors. i also fear that i have or well develop cancer and that there is something wrong with my back and eyes.  my eyes will twitch to one side from time to time and i cant control it. also i feel a kind of pressure behind my eyes. sometimes i feel like i am blind in my left eye even though i know that i can see out of it. my left arm feels strange and around my elbow in aches sometimes. i feel claustrophobic in my own skin and clothes and i can't shake the fear that i will become paralized or wizened or just start falling apart.  i feel angry and afraid. people dont seem to like me. everyone can see that something is wrong with me and because of that they dislike me. i have no real friends and have cut all contact with family members. i can remember all of the bad things that people have said about me and they replay again and again in my mind. i know what my legal name is but i know that that is not my real name and so i constantly try on new names because i cannot remember mine. i worry that i well be in pain forever and that G-d does not like me and will send me to hell. i worry that i am not a person.  sometimes i think the faeries switch me a birth and that i am one of them or that i am just an enchanted twig with no real soul or worth and that that is why i am falling apart. i hate pretty things even though i would like to be something pretty. sometimes i want to die but i fear that i would go to hell or not exist anymore. i am an artist and a musician but i get no joy from playing music or making pictures anymore and feel like i cannot do anything good. i hate to be looked at and wish i were invisible. i hate myself and i am scared that i am stupid and that i will always feel this way.

please don't laugh at me.   

ok, relax, take a chill pill! I laughed when read first part, might you have sinus infection? Well, you sound creative, perhaps thats your forte, put all that emotional energy into something like song writing - your creativity is overcoming you, learn to manage it

[NataEames]

Mouse,

I think everyone feels some of these things at one time or the other (i know i do) but you're making the mistake of obsessing on them.

If you keep doing so, you can drive yourself from anxiety to paranoia and hypochondria.

Get any of your pain tested, get your physical symptoms that you see tested but don't go overboard.

I can tell that you dont leave the house that much. That is making you focus inwards.

Just think for a minute, what do you enjoy doing?