Author Topic: Why do I want to kill people?  (Read 11885 times)

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harlan

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Why do I want to kill people?
« on: January 17, 2011, 06:11:22 AM »
I'm 16 years old and for around 3-4 years I've had to urge to kill things, people and animal alike. The way I feel is likened to popping bubble wrap; It just feels good. I've only imagined how it would feel and I always get giddy when I think about killing someone who has wronged me. It's mostly about assholes from school, but the though of putting a bomb in their car makes me smile. I know this is abnormal, but this knowledge doesn't stop the feeling.  I've killed animals before, only fish and frogs, but the way I did it was gruesome.

I caught 20 fish and held a "lottery" each fish had a number so I drew 9 from a a hat, those fish were safe. The rest I transfered into a separate tank, then I went outside and started a fire. I heated up a Metal marshmallow cooking rod until it was red, then I took one fish, sunk the glowing rod into it's mouth, and waited for it to sear to the other side. I then started up my blow torch and held the flame to the fishes face until most features were gone, then I'd roast the belly until I would burn a hole straight through the fish. Then I'd take the fish off, throw it in the fire and repeat the process. It reminded me of Nazi extermination camps except I took a more personal approach, but I can understand as they had millions to kill.

I don't know why I feel this way. I can't feel empathy. People close to me die and experience pain and I honestly don't care. I act like I do for self preservation and to keep friends, but I cant bring myself to care. Anyone who can help me with this problem would be appreciated.

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2011, 09:51:18 AM »
It's a shame no one has replied, maybe your post hasn't had enough views to attract a reply, I do however percieve their may be a vouyer or two interested in the subject.
First off you're only 16, you have a lot going on during teenage years, it is a time of great confusion for many as we go through many changes, both pshysically and psychologicaly.

The way you describe your urge to kill as likend to popping bubble wrap is an obvious metaphor for release of tension. However you don't have to inflict pain on peope to free yourself of these feelings. You say your fantasies of killing are of those that have wronged you, this feeling you are experiencing is vengence and justice, and you want to hurt them because they've hurt you, which is quite normal, taking it to the extreme as you are though, may be cause for concerns. But again it is a time of great changes and maturity and developing emotional intelligence only comes with time and experience.

As a society we have to trust to each other, it's easy to kill the person next to you at the bus stop, or drown another in the swimming pool, but we don't because we respect one anothers right to feel safe, this is afterall what makes us a civilized society.

Your cruelty to animals is what a lot of psychpaths do before going on to hurt people, it's true. But there are lots of people who hurt animals in their youth and mature to develop empathy and other emotional intelligence they lacked when they were younger, so it's not necessarily a sign of things to come.

The fact you seem to want to hurt, animals and other people wether an act of cruelty or revence is you craving control over your own life, so having control over animals or other people makes you feel powerful. The acts of cruelty you talk of are on the defenseless, the fish/frogs - had no chance, the captives of war - had no chance, the victims of a car bomb - have no chance.. It is an unfair fight, this is an act of cowardice.
It's easy to gain pleasure from being a capture, however until the capture developes emotional intelligence that is empathy, the capture will not be able to realise the case of the captive. Try for a moment to imagine you are imprisoned, you are tortured and at the mercy of another with tendencies of cruelty.

I don't think young children can feel empathy, the death of a relative rarely seems to have impact upon them as compared to that of adults. Again I would say this is developing maturity and as we do our emotions too develop. Many youngsters shoot and kill, another of recent times in the US, had he just resisted his urges the chances are he would have grown up and become a law abiding citizen with a good life. These people who act upon their dangerous impulses at this age can cause devestation to themselves as well as others. There is nothing good that comes out of such an act. Quite a tragedy all round, and if the perpetrator lives to tell the tale (in jail), what sort of life is that, he probably went on to develop emotional intelligence and spends his life in remorse, but by then it's too late.
« Last Edit: January 18, 2011, 09:57:14 AM by psycho-mother »

hortonpilot

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #2 on: January 18, 2011, 12:43:47 PM »

reckon you have watched to much TV and DVD.

At 16 you know nothing and what you say proves it.

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #3 on: January 18, 2011, 02:40:50 PM »
The only think I didn't mention was psycopaths aften exhibit attention seeking behaviours. It's possible the motivation for the post was to 'get attention' but it's also possible the motivation is an attempt to understand himself, and as he asks for help I have to presume is.

Ironically the motivation for cruelty is 'control' yet giving in to such impulses shows a direct 'lack of control'.


They do battle with themselves just like the rest of us. Learning to understand themselves is learning to overcome/or at least accept the battle within.

And if they do exercise that control over another that puts them in a position of captore, they experience their brief moment before they too become the captive.

« Last Edit: January 18, 2011, 02:42:41 PM by psycho-mother »

hortonpilot

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #4 on: January 18, 2011, 02:42:41 PM »

What does the boy think?

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #5 on: January 18, 2011, 02:44:26 PM »
I'm good, but I'm not that good Horton ;-)
And I couldn't possibly speculate.

hortonpilot

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #6 on: January 18, 2011, 02:51:56 PM »

Put it another way, can the boy answer for himself or does he just like to shock?



When we know ,we are in the uncomfortable state of knowing how little we really know.
Horton

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #7 on: January 18, 2011, 06:17:03 PM »

reckon you have watched to much TV and DVD.

At 16 you know nothing and what you say proves it.

Proof that age does not equal wisdom. 
That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.

hortonpilot

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #8 on: January 20, 2011, 03:37:45 AM »

Childish prank to annoy adults?

harlan

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #9 on: January 20, 2011, 05:49:11 AM »

Childish prank to annoy adults?

No, I unfortunately feel this way. I know that this is an issue with control and is really ignorant, but sometimes I really feel like killing everything I see. It doesn't make any sense that I understand my faults, have analysed them, but cannot overcome them. This might sound silly, but does anyone have any tips for trying to build empathy. I'm not just looking to tell a story. I want to better myself so I don't one day act on my impulses.

pert -5

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #10 on: January 20, 2011, 11:23:43 AM »
No, I unfortunately feel this way. I know that this is an issue with control and is really ignorant, but sometimes I really feel like killing everything I see. It doesn't make any sense that I understand my faults, have analysed them, but cannot overcome them. This might sound silly, but does anyone have any tips for trying to build empathy. I'm not just looking to tell a story. I want to better myself so I don't one day act on my impulses.
Objectifying your feelings can serve as a great impetus in rectifying your behavior.  In the least it shows that you have spotted the fault and recognize it without acting upon it (at least in your case).  What do you derive from these fantasies?  Is it pleasure in the act itself?  Or are you taking gratification from the belief that anyone who opposes your will should be killed?  Do you ever consider, when pondering this, the ramifications of such acts to the relatives of the (hypothetically) deceased?  What about the impact on your own future afterward?
« Last Edit: January 22, 2011, 07:49:02 PM by pert -5 »
...

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #11 on: January 20, 2011, 08:16:24 PM »
A funny coincidence but just last week I wrote (somewhere else) that I had never experienced jealousy, if I see something beautiful I will admire it, I won't necessarily want it, I went on to theorise that those who 'want' what they like are likely to fall victim to jealousy.
I wondered if I'd never experienced jealousy becuase I've developed emtional intelligence (there's no point being jealous - it's a negative emotion not worth having) or because we don't have the capacity to have a 'full set' of emotions. I also said If I was missing jealousy surely some would be missing empathy.
And on that also theorised if those who lack empathy see it as a negative emotion not worth having? Perhaps you can answer that.

People with Aspergers lack empathy, so I guess we can't have everything.
I'm also very ethical, I would be very rich if I wasn't, I sometimes wonder if it's possible to de-morel me (ha that sounds so stupid it made me laugh & think of Nick Cave)... but you know what I'm saying, if emotions can indeed be learned and lost.

I wonder Harlan, do you have any role models, I'd be interested to know your idols, if any.
« Last Edit: January 20, 2011, 08:18:27 PM by psycho-mother »

voodoo scientist

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #12 on: January 21, 2011, 01:06:38 PM »
What one doesn't realize about being sixteen at sixteen is that one can't know how to 'use emotion.' One could well suffer minor trauma like the death of someone close (but not perceived to be critical to one's physical or emotional survival), and one's instinctive reflex could be to 'block out' the processing for years or forever, or divert it to other things, and one'd essentially have no way to know until one's in at least one's early-mid 20s.

Why do you feel like killing things? Most probably, but not certainly, because you're angry and haven't identified and contained the feeling of anger. The animal abuse usually indicates an issue of control, and at the age of sixteen, one most often has control issues with parents and teachers, though the police and others are also possibilities. One generally does not feel the desire to kill unless one is angry about something, and one generally doesn't act it out on inferior creatures unless one feels like one has no control to move up instead.

How do you 'move up'? Do you have an interest where you're in the elite, or could see yourself being in the elite?
« Last Edit: January 21, 2011, 01:08:00 PM by voodoo scientist »
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harlan

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #13 on: January 22, 2011, 01:45:07 AM »

How do you 'move up'? Do you have an interest where you're in the elite, or could see yourself being in the elite?

I don't move up. I hang out at the bottom.

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #14 on: January 22, 2011, 06:47:46 PM »
The bottom can be the best place to be, if you're jelly in the bottom of a trifle you'll be last to be eaten. The bottom is the stonger, supporting that above. Jelly is stronger than custard (depends on how thick it is) and stronger than cream.The bottom of the ladder is one step away from the ground, those at the top come tumbling down with an almighty fall.
The bottom is not inferior.

thinkingprocess

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #15 on: January 27, 2011, 01:32:29 AM »
Please for everyone's sake just do it.  After a certain amount of time it becomes sickening hearing about all these people saying "I really want to kill someone, but I feel there's something wrong with that."  Your definition of wrong isn't coming from yourself, your definition of wrong is based on society's definition.  How do you know that everyone else isn't wrong.  Who gets to choose your perception of reality for you.  Certainly not all these people.  Everyone perceives reality slightly differently in some way, but there are two major categories that I feel you are overlooking.  Those who feel that society's rules and laws are mostly correct and those who feel the opposite.  It's about fucking time that you should choose a side.  So walk outside and let everyone know that their laws, rules, and sense of human kinds morality can't keep them safe from everyone.  Let them know that they are wrong.

Penelope903

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #16 on: January 28, 2011, 09:51:15 AM »
At your early age, it had already came in your mind? Maybe it is because there is something that had happen to you...A very worst experience...I hope you can go through of this...

voodoo scientist

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #17 on: January 31, 2011, 12:36:47 PM »

How do you 'move up'? Do you have an interest where you're in the elite, or could see yourself being in the elite?

I don't move up. I hang out at the bottom.

I would ask you why, but it's not particularly relevant to what I'm going to say as much as it is in the judgment call I need you to make. You need to find some way to feel like you're moving upwards, if nothing else then for the simple reason that killing people is just not a viable behavior in modern society (also, it'll make you much happier than killing people would).

Cutting to the chase, what you're feeling are the effects of long-term stress, which is actually much worse than it sounds, and possibly depression. The best thing would be if you could get laid, hands down, but if you feel like you're at the bottom, that's not likely to happen until that changes (girls really hate the bottom). So, I would suggest you need to find something you already are good at or something that interests you enough that you can get good at it.

The most important point is that you're thinking about killing people because it's not sustainable to exist in a state where one feels like one is at the bottom and has no way up - whether that is for external reasons like physical obstacles, or internal reasons like motivation. Can you solve this problem?
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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #18 on: January 31, 2011, 02:01:29 PM »
Dear Harlan, killing, especially killing people, is cultural taboo that is inbuilt into virtually any religion and culture around the world. Reason for this is that every life is easy to end but not that easy to bring up and keep up. That does not stop us killing people with all sort of excuses and all sort of moralizing all around the world. So you are in no way special. You are just one of the kind that has a lot of sympathy to yourself and virtually no empathy to others (as you say)

I am not going to argue what you shall do to stop it, suppressing your abilities to kill will surely bring them elsewhere. You may even kill someone for some stupid reason. So you have your chance to become a butcher, hunter, solder or surgeon. Pick up your profession and be happy killing or saving lives, you may even get empathic on the way. (there are some chemicals in blood that surgeons and butchers share). What I want to say - employ yourself to good, get out of dark thoughts.

reenka

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #19 on: December 15, 2011, 10:35:35 AM »
I'm sorry the replies so far haven't really been that helpful, with people disbelieving you and giving you flip answers, etc. It's probably too late now, nearly a year later.

Anyway, this is a very difficult question for most people to answer; even regular people aren't very good at empathy, so most 'play' at it to some degree. Humans are pretty selfish creatures.

That said, as you know, your thought patterns are out of the norm even so, and I imagine it has the capacity to bother you even as it bothers any listeners (which is possibly why people can't deal and may sound dismissive or insensitive, at least to my ears). I've heard that professional psychiatrists are often inept when faced with sociopathic personalities, for example; it's hard to be unafraid, compassionate, helpful, useful, when a part of our hind brain may feel like that gutted fish. Fear.


So, what to do. As someone said, you may grow out of it, but I do class that as a flip answer anyway. Lots of sociopath-range individuals go on to live normal lives; most aren't as honest as you. Most people wouldn't want them to be honest. But I, for one, want to help.

Step 1: you have to do whatever it takes to assert yourself in reasonable ways. Don't allow yourself to build up resentment: when something bothers you, express yourself. If you do have violence within you, if you allow it to bubble up even just in your eyes, people will get the message and be intimidated. This may be satisfactory.

Step 2: Consider organized sports that train both your body and mind in a united discipline, such as most martial arts.  I very strongly recommend this, and encourage you to get extremely focused on this even if you listen to nothing else I say. I'm almost 90% sure something like Aikido would help at least somewhat with the popping feeling.

Step 3: Read fiction... lots and lots of fiction. The way to make a study of human beings can  be to actually make a study of them. Try your best to not only understand motives but to understand them from the inside out. Imagine yourself doing things you've never done and can never do, and put some serious effort into that act of imagination. Imagination can be a muscle. Exercise it.

Step 4: Make a friend. This is going to be hard, but as important as martial arts. This could change everything. You have to be totally honest with this friend, though not necessarily immediately. You should share common interests, but not the hurting thing. Don't like, make a friend who robs banks or whatever, you know? But find someone you respect, and try to get to know them. You don't have to feel empathy for this friend-- just find someone you share interests with and respect and spend time with this person. If nothing else, this will distract you from hurting things. That's not the most interesting or intellectually challenging activity to be doing, you know? Eventually, I think, you should be able to find more interesting hobbies, even if you never become touchy-feely or 'sensitive', and that's fine.

Hurting things that can't fight back is just sort of an insult to you, isn't it? Because you can and should take on things directly. That's what self-respect is. Once again, that's what martial arts are for.

Don't ever let people make you feel like less than you are-- a human being-- and you will be much more likely to realize that all people are also individuals, that you can accept as individuals. You don't need to feel anything for them. Just realize they have a right to exist just as you do, just as the sky does and the earth does. Cultivate this awareness of the solid presence of things. You; your boots; the sky; someone's dog; a chair; your teacher; a car; a policeman. All these things exist in their own little bubbles, even if they interact sometimes. You don't need to breach others' bubbles, since you don't need to let others breach yours. That's the foundation, the place you can return to when you've lost your way: this idea that you exist and so do they, and that's enough. When you're ready, build on that to say: let's have an honest interaction, a transaction of mutual interest rather than use or abuse.

I hope you find other people genuinely useful, and one day see that we don't need to be the same.
« Last Edit: December 15, 2011, 10:39:49 AM by reenka »

MGify

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #20 on: February 02, 2012, 08:21:24 AM »
Okay, this was posted about a year ago, you're 17 now.  You are in your most difficult time of your life.  Peer pressure, popularity, bullies, first job, future, college, relationships, all that!!  It's tough!  I know, OMG, I so get you!  It is so difficult!  Sometimes, in a way, being a teenager is harder than being an adult.  Believe me when I say, there is nothing wrong with you.  You're just overwhelmed.  You're not a bad person, you're not crazy and people that posted such negative posts are just as miserable as the next person in here.
Now, I don't know where you stand today; being that I'm a year too late and all, but I do think you just have some suppressed issues.  Talk to a friend, a parent or a teacher, or if you rather not talk about it with someone you know, talk to a psychologist.  It's a psychologist's job to make sure what you say in totally confidentual.  There is nothing wrong with talking to a shrink.  Anything that works.  Meanwhile, I would go with what reenka suggested.  Personally, I would go for the martial arts thing.  They not only teach you how to defense yourself when needed; they also teach you how to search for your inner peace (as corny as that sounds). lol
Forget what all those dooche bags said on your other replies.  You do know a lot and you are not a psychopath; you're a kid that needs to make good choices from now on.  It's not too late.  When you start making right choices, you will see great results.

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #21 on: March 02, 2012, 09:59:56 PM »
I was just looking over the site stats and found that this page has been visited quite a few times by people searching google for the phrase, "i want to kill people"

I am now a bit worried that people just have the feeling of wanting to kill people.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

telepathyah

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #22 on: March 06, 2012, 06:33:16 AM »
Hmm, maybe a little Dexter Morgan in the making?...


eliotw59

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #23 on: April 25, 2012, 10:24:47 PM »
i have the same problem all i want to do is kill im 13 ive been having the feelings my whole life i go to anger managment classes and stuff but yes when i look at people i imagine me killing them i have had fantasys sexual fantasies about killing i tell my mum she thinks its hurmones/puberty i have killed dogs cats frogs fish birds hamsters and whacked someone with a pole and they where put in a hospital a boy in my class was annoying me so i pushed him down the stairs i videod myself chopping a dogs head off it was injured can someone please give me advice

Kiar

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #24 on: April 27, 2012, 11:04:01 PM »
i have the same problem all i want to do is kill im 13 ive been having the feelings my whole life i go to anger managment classes and stuff but yes when i look at people i imagine me killing them i have had fantasys sexual fantasies about killing i tell my mum she thinks its hurmones/puberty i have killed dogs cats frogs fish birds hamsters and whacked someone with a pole and they where put in a hospital a boy in my class was annoying me so i pushed him down the stairs i videod myself chopping a dogs head off it was injured can someone please give me advice

You need to talk to someone you trust. It sounds to me like you are not getting the parenting you need. I would never be this careless with my kid if he told me he likes hurting other living sentient beings. Kids tend to think their parents are just like any other parents. They are not.  If you have this problem you should go to a teatcher and tell him your problem. Maby a parent to a friend if you have any. It might be hard to have friends if anger is a problem. Just stand up for yourself and take this problem on. If your mum does not have the sense to do anything just find anyone you can tell and ask for help. Being honest and releasing your trust on someone is a really good feeling. 

I hope this helps Eliotw
Lemmons could come in handy for this.

Kiar

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #25 on: April 27, 2012, 11:20:47 PM »
I'm 16 years old and for around 3-4 years I've had to urge to kill things, people and animal alike. The way I feel is likened to popping bubble wrap; It just feels good. I've only imagined how it would feel and I always get giddy when I think about killing someone who has wronged me. It's mostly about assholes from school, but the though of putting a bomb in their car makes me smile. I know this is abnormal, but this knowledge doesn't stop the feeling.  I've killed animals before, only fish and frogs, but the way I did it was gruesome.

I caught 20 fish and held a "lottery" each fish had a number so I drew 9 from a a hat, those fish were safe. The rest I transfered into a separate tank, then I went outside and started a fire. I heated up a Metal marshmallow cooking rod until it was red, then I took one fish, sunk the glowing rod into it's mouth, and waited for it to sear to the other side. I then started up my blow torch and held the flame to the fishes face until most features were gone, then I'd roast the belly until I would burn a hole straight through the fish. Then I'd take the fish off, throw it in the fire and repeat the process. It reminded me of Nazi extermination camps except I took a more personal approach, but I can understand as they had millions to kill.

I don't know why I feel this way. I can't feel empathy. People close to me die and experience pain and I honestly don't care. I act like I do for self preservation and to keep friends, but I cant bring myself to care. Anyone who can help me with this problem would be appreciated.

This is torture you are describing. It is very likely that you have yourself bin mistreated your self.  I just think many of the answers above are not going to help at all. If you are serious about getting help you should try to direct your anger towards something positive. I am just not sure what could help as I do not know you in person.
I would point to you that you do abviously have agressive tendancies. Often that is also associated with high male hormone levels. Anger and aggression is very much the signs of high testosterone.
The good news is that high testosterone if not to high is also a sign of successfull men in buisness. You need to focus this in the right direction.
Talk to someone that you trust and try to get your attention of the bad and use the aggressive part of you for something that can make your life better. Not worse.

Please stop hurting. It helps noone. Least of all you.
Lemmons could come in handy for this.

sparrow

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #26 on: June 06, 2012, 11:55:13 PM »
Any updates? How are you doing now? Any positive progress?

chiatea

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #27 on: June 10, 2012, 06:46:56 AM »
So far the only time I think I've even been mean to someone is to test myself to see if I feel guilty and to help myself to see if I have anger deep down and that I'm taking it out on myself. I was desperate then and I am also desperate now to get better from my illness.

sparrow

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Re: Why do I want to kill people?
« Reply #28 on: June 13, 2012, 06:36:16 PM »
I know it sounds simple but put yourself in other peoples shoes. Yes there are a lot of annoying horrible people out there- But hating some one takes much more effort than to just forget about them.
Maybe they are horrible because they have been treated horrible- you just don't know everyones life story.
I'm sure you have been treating horrible and that's why you have these feelings.
Would it be fair if you mad someone mad and they decided to kill you? Seriously I would like to know your thinking process

 

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