Pert's First Birthday

[pert -5]

Hi folks.  Well, I've been on this site now for one whole year.  Yes, you can all bask in my glory-AFTER I'm done talking.  Yes.  

There has been trial here.  Even some tribulation.  But the important thing is to remember that I, Pert, have been here with you through it all.  Now, I'm not saying you should worship me or anything, heck, keep your subservient adulation to a minimum(... for now), but just knowing that a greater presence is among you should be all the encouragement and accolades that you will ever need.  Yes.

I remember back when, when I was but a wee little lad of 1 month on this forum and I was afraid to say certain things for fear that other members might rebuke me.  But not any longer.  You see, I am God now.  I have effectively supplanted all your religious urges and am a deity.  A humble one too.  Now, some of you might say that I'm being narcissistic or a douche...  But I'm not.  I'm just keeping it real folks.  Yep.

So bask in the glorious glory that is Pert!  And thank God...*ahem*...thank ME for the ability to do so!

Huh?  What?  I'm not wearing any underpants?

Uhhh... I gotta go, NOW!!

This is Pert saying...  Shabbat!  

Oy vey....

[gone]

Happy Birthday

[Enigma]

I'm an atheist so your powers don't work on me.

[SWM]

will this be a new christmas?

[pert -5]

Happy Birthday

Why thank you crazy lady.  

I'm an atheist so your powers don't work on me.

Actually Enigma, you're not an atheist.  Not really.  You're actually an ardent theist, but I, in my infinite wisdom, decided that there are enough theists in the world, and so I brainwashed you and made you into an atheist.  True story.

will this be a new christmas?

Excellent question.  I was thinking that, but one day is just simply not enough to contain my sheer awesomeness.  I feel that a two week long celebration would be the bare minimum to do so.  So every year beginning on February 24th (allowances need be made for Leap Year of course) and culminating on March 10, there will be sufficient time to praise and glorify Pert.


If anyone has any further questions, don't hesitate to ask.  I'll answer them if I want to.  ...I'm desperate for attention, so I'll answer any and all questions!!!  I will!!!  I swear!!!  *sobs*

[gone]

I don't know why one would presume I'm a crazy lady when I'm so obviously a sane man.

[Enigma]

Shot in the dark here but I'm guessing the name "psycho mother" has something to do with it. 

[pert -5]

I'm so obviously a sane man.

That is incorrect.  To prove to you why that is incorrect we must go back to the days of the Salem Witch Trials in Massachussets.  As you probably know, back then Satan owned a villa behind the church in Salem.  He liked to keep a small dispatch of demons and little men...When, suddenly, huge tentacles wrapped around the helpless ship upon the sea and it began to be pulled into the fathomless depths of the abyss by the Kraken, giving little hope that...A rocket ship from the third planet of the Delation Empire came into view to obliterate those who had talked about rebellion and...A young man who came upon a bed of flowers that were blooming way too late for early Spring found that water was much too kind for walking...Then mankind finally learned to make salt out of soda bottles.  And ice cream was never the same.

That is how I know, for a fact, that you are crazy and a lady.  Yes.

Shot in the dark here but I'm guessing the name "psycho mother" has something to do with it. 

That's a silly, silly reason.  See above for the much more plausible answer.

[S. Earl Martin]

Oh praise the illustrious Pert. Bringer of all good things. LOL!

Remember conceit is a fault and I have none.
 
Or I thought I was wrong once, but I wasn't wrong I was right.