Contacting Half-Brother Who I've Never Met

[jfbruin]

I was informed in July that my father had a child when he was in high school, and that the mother of the child took full custody and my dad was never involved in the child's life.  Apparently, the child's mother was given a financial settlement from my grandparents, in lieu of child support.  My family kept this a secret from me for my whole life - I'm 29 years old.

My family does not know that I found out about this.  An acquaintance that was close to my family accidentally spilled this information to my wife.  This person is deathly afraid that if my wife tells me, and my family finds out that he told her (or me), that he will be ostracized.  In an effort to protect him, and because I'd rather not open Pandora's Box with my family at this point, I've chosen not tell them that I know.

However, I would like to make contact with my half-brother.  I looked him up online and he looks just like me - we could be twins!  Furthermore, he only lives a few miles from the city I live in. 

Some additional information: he goes by his mother's maiden name, so he is clearly aware that he has a different biological father.  His mother married a man when he was 2 years old - this man raised him as his own.  I have no idea if he knows that me or my siblings exist.   I don't know if he knows the identity of his biological father. 

Has anybody been in a similar situation?  Can anybody suggest how I should contact him?  My initial thought is to send him an e-mail, gently break the news that I am his half-brother, and ask if he would like to talk or meet sometime.  All thoughts are appreciated : )

[Mello-kun]

I have never been in a similar situation, although my biological father is out there somewhere and I know I have half-siblings.

I think an email would be a good idea, although before you do it you must be 100% sure that this is what you want to do. If he doesn't know, it could ruin the relationship between him and the man he may presume is his father. Perhaps you could talk to his parents first, and find out whether or not he knows beforehand? This could prevent any awkwardness that could arise if you tell him without knowing whether or not he knows about you.

[liza123]

I have never been in your situation before.

What about sending him an e-mail and getting to know him first before you reveal yourself? What I mean is that do not tell him about your status as his half-brother. Just try to find out how much he knows about his real father, etc. and what he feels about the situation, etc. before revealing about your true relationship.