Dealing with power trips in the workplace

[pinkmint]

Hello.
The director at my workplace wanted to know why there was no custard with the pudding yesterday(i'm a cook) I told her that on the menu it said with cream. She told me it was rediculous, to which I just shrugged my shoulders(I have no respect for her) then 5 minutes later, came down to the kitchen with a clipboard taking notes looking around the kitchen then stormed back off upstairs to the office. She dosen't come in to the workplace often. But when she does she's always on some sort of power trip. She then came down to the kitchen and asked the kitchen assistant to remind whoever cooks to make sure the cook makes custard with that particular pudding....in front of me, but not to me....WTF?? some sort of power game i'm sure but how do you deal with someone like this.

[Nivleonus]

Hey there,
The thing you should understand about a lot of people like your manager are that A) They have particularly low self-esteem. B) They have risen to positions of power by being power hungry.
So basically she is actually the way she is because she needs to feel powerful to help her with her self-esteem, if it is possible I would suggest that you try to get to know her a bit better, you will probably find that on some levels she is actually in a lot of distress. (It is also possible that the reasons she is this way are due to some deepset level of anguish at the way she was treated by her parents)

Is there a particular reason that she doesn't come to the workplace often?

'Tip' you can get premade custard in cartons that lasts forever, if she likes custard buy some of that so you can serve hers with custard.

[pinkmint]

She dosen't come in to the workplace often because she is based in another area far away. It's her business, which she has many. She's loaded. I have been told by some of the girls at work that it's because I didn't suck up to her,...ok so I figure...   I really don't know her that well, but from what I've heard, she calls us all 'mingy staff' .(which is why I don't have any respect for her, which is also why I don't sucker up to her). She has high standards though(fair do's,...which I also do, and speaks her mind, fair do's to that too)
I could have empathized, but something told me not to, I can't put a finger on it.
Incidently, today I found out the from the chef (my nephew)in the other kitchen (that is on the same menu, who made cake and cream also, she said his food was lovely ..lol, so is mine
Then my manager went off sick after sticking up for me

I just don't know..... There's just no pleasing some people. It's uncomfortable, so I've decided to look for another job...I can't help wondering if that's her intention. Another cook started yesterday on lower pay than me too, I might be barking up the wrong tree here, but you know the power games people can play

You could be right about the low self esteem, but she's very outwardly confident and sure of herself...... She knows how to put people in there place. I've seen her stick up for some staff after getting abuse from clients and she's very thorough. Some how I think she knows what's she's doing. Maybe I'm trangressing a power law.... well, she can stuff it, I'd prefer to work for someone who's not as cunning
Thanks for the reply though.

[pinkmint]

'Tip' you can get premade custard in cartons that lasts forever, if she likes custard buy some of that so you can serve hers with custard.

I might just do that the day I leave,.....right over her head. hehe

[Nivleonus]

Well remember one thing... it may well be that you have another of her at your next work place, so be on the lookout to make sure you don't get stuck in the same situation.

Also 'outward confidence' tends to be an over exageration to compensate for lack of actual confidence.

[pinkmint]

Also 'outward confidence' tends to be an over exageration to compensate for lack of actual confidence.

True. I Think I'll just stay present and let it all pass through if it happens again with no later presumptions....funny you should say that, she did come down later on all smiles. Empathy next time me thinks. Thanks for the pointer.

[Nivleonus]

Glad I could help you.

[hortonpilot]

Pinkmint,

  as pointed out it is a reflection of poor self esteem by the abuser.

An inversion where the situation is turned around and you dragged in.

I had an amusing situation at work where we are being reviewed for bully conduct in a hospital where i work in theatre.
Woman who claims to be a victim of bullying spoke to me and was at the brink of bullying me, what do you in the situation ?
it is kind of pathetic, "kick the dog" stuff, i pointed out later the inversion but it was lost on her .
What i do is humor tainted , very edgy and un-predictable humor .
The woman is a prude so she is uncomfortable with this and it puts a safe distance/caution between us.

Issues as you describe can helped if you always refer back to well mannered and decent behavior .
People like it for them and there is very little they can say when you let them know you are rightfully offended.
This is the line in the sand that most people do not like to cross.
I try reasoning with people but in the work place for the most part it does not work, as they are not able to reason your arguement .
Double-standards , lack of manners and stupidity dont help.
Best to stick to something they do, like the fact the need to speak to you in a proper fashion.
Most people can be trained to accept the fact that you expect to be spoken to nicely.
After a while people fall into line with this one.

Hope this helps.

Horton

[wittoled]

I agree with Nivleonus, being a bitch is her way of dealing with her own low self esteem. 

Most people assume that personal pride is a good thing.  I disagree.  I have jokingly said numerous times that I believe women invented personal pride to control men. 

[hortonpilot]

just don't know..... There's just no pleasing some people. It's uncomfortable, so I've decided to look for another job...I can't help wondering if that's her intention.

I don't actually think she would have come to give you a spay and get you to leave.
Just come to give you a kick to make herself feel better.

The last thing she wants is for you to leave because this reflects on her badly.
Your leaving might cause her stress.

When people cross the line with me i just say, if i am in the right.
"Your just one step away from me walking out!"
I always take the well mannered approach and pick my moment VERY CAREFULLY.

It works!

In a busy place people get the message

Have a plan for yourself .

Horton.

[hortonpilot]

wittoled,

  tend to agree. the worst are the overly fat and ignorant ones.

Some women treat men very badly in the workplace.

Horton