Emotional attachment problem

[vanillacandy]

I have noticed a pattern in my trying to start relationships that just keeps repeating itself.

When I meet someone intresting I usually get intrested very fast, and start thinking of them all the time. Then when a change actually arises to do something about it, I back out, my feelings sort of "shut off".
It's as if when I'm away from the person my feelings get strong, and then they disappear when I'm with them. Also if I know the person is out of reach, or there is no indication of something going on between us I am intrested and when I know they are intrested in me too I'm suddenly not.
Sort of a "you always want what you can't get" or "I just enjoy the chase" situation, except that this applies not only to superficial intrests of attraction but also to people I really connect with and know well.

For example, I've recently spent a lot of time with a person I really like. We are very similar and I love talking to him for hours. When he is away I miss him and think about him all the time, but when I'm with him he suddenly feels more like just a friend, the romantic feelings are almost gone. This is very confusing since my feelings just keep switching and get stronger and weaker all the time. And the same thing has happened with all the other people before him, no matter if it's someone I really connect to on a deeper level or someone I'm attracted to and just want to have fun with.

Maybe this is a fear of attachment thing. But no description seems to match. I'm not afraid of getting hurt, it's really the other way around, I feel like I would love to be the one to get hurt for once. But I never feel that strongly for anyone. I'm not afraid of getting left alone, I'm always more or less alone and independent, and the guys I have been with always treat me extremely well, and I don't even think about the possibility of them leaving me. It's me who always backs out, I just don't feel enough for them to stay.

I don't have a low self esteem, as far as I know. I do think I deserve someone by my side. I don't really have trust issues either, since I like to talk to people about things. And the people I have been with have been wonderful people and i've really valued them.

So I can't really seem to find a reason behind that I never get close to people. Since I do try and want to. Does anyone know any reason, maybe some kind of mental block or defence or unconscious way of thinking that might be my problem? Because I am really sick of this.

[soconfused]

VanillaCandy... I can definitely relate.  I am kind of at the end of my rope and finally realizing how severe it is but I don't know why I am this way and I definitely don't WANT to be this way.  I have no feelings of attachment/bonding.  To be honest I just don't care.  I "love" people, my children, my family, my spouse because I am "supposed" to.. but there are no feelings there.  Not even for our pets.  I survive day to day being fake and don't know what to do.  A counselor once told me I had a subconsious "fear of abandonment/fear of intimacy"  but I don't see how that is possible because I could care less if my spouse left me.  It is seriously that bad.. I have NO friends, and up until now this hasn't ever bothered me before. 

In a romantic relationship I am addicted to the lust and the chase, but once I have a commitment from said person it immediately fizzles and I could care less about them.  I was married for 11 years to an emotionally and verbally abusive man that I felt didn't love me.  I had numerous affairs during our marriage and they were thrilling.  (This is NOT the person I am or who I want to be however).  I am not the typical fear of being left person.  I need help I guess...