Help! Filled w Rage because of Family. :'(

[lostangel29]

   I don't know what to do. I'm so full of rage and hurt right now. I'm 29 yrs old and I've never been in a relationship because I was sexually assaulted when I was 17. Recently, everyone here at the house--mother, sisters,  16 and 9 yr old boy cousins and their mother, my aunts and other family members--have been telling me that I'm a worthless piece of garbage and a poor excuse for a human being. They tell me that I'm just am evil, bitter b***h because I've never found a guy to, putting it cleanly, have sex with me and who'll beat me like I deserve. As if that weren't enough, since my father died 2yrs ago, they've been telling me that I never loved him and that I murdered him. They also tell me among other things that I deserve to be locked away in a sanitarium and never be allowed out again. I can't take it anymore and sometimes I just want to end it all and even feel like hurting them. I even feel worse because I walk with a limp since I hurt my leg and they always make fun of me or tell me that doctors are going to cut my leg off during surgery. I've been told that there's a reason things happen. But what's the reason for continuing to have to deal with all of this? I have every right to be mad. I'm tired of everything. 

[DevilsAdvocate]

Its not so much that there is a reason for everything, but more so how you choose to resolve the issues. There is a reason why you are how you are, there isnt a reason for why it happened in the first place. It sounds like you are allowing others to alter the way you think of yourself. Why would you give them that power? I understand the concept of listening to family, but lets face it, some times they are wrong. You may love them, but they are clearly not looking out for your well-being. Is it safe to assume that they never truly believed that you were ever assaulted? Or just that they are insensitive to such a traumatic incident?

[lostangel29]

Is it safe to assume that they never truly believed that you were ever assaulted? Or just that they are insensitive to such a traumatic incident?

  I think they're just being cruel. My mother and older sister know about the assault but not the others. The others just tell me that because I've never had a boyfriend and I'm 29, will be 30 in a few weeks. The boy cousin started telling me that because their mother got mad at me one time when I was playing with my uncle's stepson. She started and I said something back. That's when she told her son, 12, not to listen to me because I'm a just a crazy, bitter b***h who's never been with a guy--she didn't put it decently. So, ever since then, her sons tell me that and they've hit me but no one does a damn thing about it. And my family doesn't make things easier because my mom and sis only defend me when they're not around. And it doesn't help that they tease me endlessly everyday because they want me to get with my brother's friend. Life sucks. 

[hortonpilot]

You don't need these people in your life, family don't do this to you if they are properly functional.

I doubt you can change these pirana's , so why have any contact.

You set the rules rather than them.

If they want to be in your life behave accordingly, simple, otherwise no contact.

This is not unrealistic.

Start choosing what happens in your life?


Horton