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Author Topic: How do you deal with Covert Aggresiveness?  (Read 1586 times)

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Ineedhelpfast

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How do you deal with Covert Aggresiveness?
« on: August 20, 2009, 05:26:59 PM »
Me and my ex of 3 years have been going on and off over me being uncomfortable with one of her guy friends. At times she defended him as supposed to our relationship. The first few times we broke up, I always "crawled" back you could say. However, this part time she displayed particular behaviors that I did not understand, and I broke it off.

After researching alot, I came across the term "covert aggressiveness", and it fit well with the manipulation my ex tried on me, now that I think of it.

Examples include:

1) Denial
2) Playing "dumb" or innocent
3) Diversion of topics (away from the problem)
4) Lying to evoke sympathy and guilt


She was recently involved in an accident, and I called her, only to be blamed, "you only called because I almost died". I was speechless!


How exactly does one "fight" against someone who is covert aggressiveness. I've ordered the book "In sheeps clothing", and am currently awaiting for its delivery.

I tried to talk face to face with her, but got the reply of "it is what it is" , yet she tells other people that she is lonely after the breakup. She lied to everyone concerning what happened, and got sympathy from them.
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Enigma

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Re: How do you deal with Covert Aggresiveness?
« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2009, 07:21:30 PM »
How bout you cut all ties and move on?  Seems like a bitch anyway. 
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crash

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Re: How do you deal with Covert Aggresiveness?
« Reply #2 on: August 21, 2009, 12:56:24 AM »
Quote from: Enigma on August 20, 2009, 07:21:30 PM
How bout you cut all ties and move on?  Seems like a bitch anyway. 

+1 get as far away, as fast as you can; she screams "personality disorder waiting to happen"
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The Graduate

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Re: How do you deal with Covert Aggresiveness?
« Reply #3 on: August 21, 2009, 07:03:29 AM »
Quote from: Ineedhelpfast on August 20, 2009, 05:26:59 PM
Me and my ex of 3 years have been going on and off over me being uncomfortable with one of her guy friends. At times she defended him as supposed to our relationship. The first few times we broke up, I always "crawled" back you could say. However, this part time she displayed particular behaviors that I did not understand, and I broke it off.

After researching alot, I came across the term "covert aggressiveness", and it fit well with the manipulation my ex tried on me, now that I think of it.

Examples include:

1) Denial
2) Playing "dumb" or innocent
3) Diversion of topics (away from the problem)
4) Lying to evoke sympathy and guilt


She was recently involved in an accident, and I called her, only to be blamed, "you only called because I almost died". I was speechless!


How exactly does one "fight" against someone who is covert aggressiveness. I've ordered the book "In sheeps clothing", and am currently awaiting for its delivery.

I tried to talk face to face with her, but got the reply of "it is what it is" , yet she tells other people that she is lonely after the breakup. She lied to everyone concerning what happened, and got sympathy from them.
Are you dating my mother? LOL
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pljames

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Re: How do you deal with Covert Aggresiveness?
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2011, 03:28:25 PM »
Why do people have to me in control? How does one handle controlled fanatics? pljames
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SWM

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Re: How do you deal with Covert Aggresiveness?
« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2011, 10:09:16 AM »
take repsonisibility for yourself and remind them that they are not in control of you.
« Last Edit: July 04, 2011, 10:09:47 AM by SWM »
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island_fever

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Re: How do you deal with Covert Aggresiveness?
« Reply #6 on: July 06, 2011, 05:41:15 AM »
Quote from: SWM on July 04, 2011, 10:09:16 AM
take repsonisibility for yourself and remind them that they are not in control of you.

I'd stick my tongue out and say "You're not the Boss of me!"  Yes, that was immature of me.  I apologize.
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pljames

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Re: How do you deal with Covert Aggresiveness?
« Reply #7 on: July 06, 2011, 01:03:16 PM »
Unfortunatly my five year old grandson is involved. If I say anything the stepfather will not allow me to see him (which I haven't for the past six months except my phone).  My emotions are getting the best of me. pljames
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SWM

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Re: How do you deal with Covert Aggresiveness?
« Reply #8 on: July 06, 2011, 01:53:56 PM »
Quote from: pljames on July 06, 2011, 01:03:16 PM
Unfortunatly my five year old grandson is involved. If I say anything the stepfather will not allow me to see him (which I haven't for the past six months except my phone).  My emotions are getting the best of me. pljames

what is it that you are distressed by?
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pljames

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Re: How do you deal with Covert Aggresiveness?
« Reply #9 on: July 06, 2011, 11:37:12 PM »
He is a control freak When I talk to my grandson he has the phone on speaker phone so whatever I say and he thinks it wrong he will question me about it and if I make him angry he will not allow me to see my grandson. pljames
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SWM

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Re: How do you deal with Covert Aggresiveness?
« Reply #10 on: July 07, 2011, 01:01:59 PM »
he is controlling and interfering in your contact with your grandson but you are unable to challenge him because if he becomes angry he stops your contact.

What are your thoughts so far on how to deal with this situation?
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pljames

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Re: How do you deal with Covert Aggresiveness?
« Reply #11 on: July 07, 2011, 07:26:52 PM »
Take him to court I do not know what the grandparents rights are in Georgia. pljames
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SWM

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Re: How do you deal with Covert Aggresiveness?
« Reply #12 on: July 07, 2011, 10:05:13 PM »
you would take the adverserial approach? is that not likely to make him angry?
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pljames

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Re: How do you deal with Covert Aggresiveness?
« Reply #13 on: July 08, 2011, 01:46:46 PM »
With all his problems, any aggravation could set him off. He's a time bomb waiting to go off at the first sign of any aggression on any ones part. I do not want to be the trigger (but I love my grandson more than his problems). I understand this because I was once just like him without the control factor but with a self esteem problem and anger as well. Even the word morals is raising its head in this matter. Yet my heart is involved as well. pljames
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