How do you measure up to the expectations of your parents

[ellion]

I am sure that All of our parents had expectations for us, these may have put great pressure on us to do certain things as we have grown and chosen our own path through life. have the expectations of your parents influenced you all? have you lived up to what your parents wanted for you? or did you break the mold and find your own way?

[daftcow]

I am a big disappointment to my parents, especially to my mum. Shes told me more than once.  She was desperate for me to follow in one of my older brothers footsteps and play music and go to uni. She pushed and pushed and so did he. He put me through hell but thats another story.

They forced me into going to college when it wasnt what I wanted. The result was I spent most of my time there drunk in the student union and failed everything.

Im doing what I want to do, youth work. I work for the same company as my brother, except hes much higher up. I am back studying for a qualification through work but I will never return to full time education, the way my brother interferes makes it not worth the hassle.

[illini1]

This is a situation close to home with me, as I went through my life with a very dominating mother and passive father. What that taught me as I went into my relationships was that it was "ok", and soon enough I was married to a controlling wife. After I basically "unplugged from the Matrix", I gained a new self image and courage to be who I wanted to be, and that really translated into confronting my mother about some of the things she had done or said to me which I felt was great disappointment in my abilities because of the way she treated me.

It was a rough patch for quite some time, but we have rebuilt that relationship over the span of almost 5 years and things are great now. I would encourage all people who have these types of clouds to work as hard as you can to get the strength to address it with your families so that EVERYONE can move forward and benefit.

[daftcow]

Thats great you finally stood up for yourself. I stand up to my mum now more than ever but I have also learned to accept that she did the best she could and that her heart is always in the right place. I adore her and I know she adores me too. My brother hasnt changed. Just thinks hes the head of the family. Typical working class parents, mine are. Especially my mum. My brother gets more respect as hes 'educated'. Hes arrogant and a bit of a bully.

[SWM]

when i think about my life i relaise that my mother did not have any expectations form me. i was raised an only child in a single parent family in a city that had high rates of poverty and crime. my mother was very controlling and over protective but i think she relised when i became a teenager that the more she tried to control me the harder i became to control. as i said she never had any exepctations from me but she wanted me to do well in school and find a good job, her overbearing love for me practically smothered me as a child and as a teenager the only thing i wanted to do was be free, which of course meant not doing anything at school and not sticking at jobs were i was told what to do (Any Job).

it was only at the age of 26 after 4 years of being a psychiatric pateint and 10 years of alcohol and drug misuse that i decide i wanted to do something with my life.

my mother is still controlling and we are much closer than we have been since childhood but we have a good understanding now, when i tell her to F*** off she understands.

[AmericanWoman]

It's unfortunate that some parents place expectations on their children and then tell their children that their disappointed in them.  I'm fortunate that my mom and dad didn't do this with me.  When I decided to leave college to get married, they supported me and didn't get upset that I wanted to leave school.

[sam]

All parents to some extent expect their children to follow specific paths in life and hope that their children will excel in whatever they think is right for them.However, I think the more you push someone , the more resistance you end up facing.I think all parents should act as facilitators and help children do well in what interests them rather than what the parents favor.

[Agni]

As a teenager I was sometimes very happy that I was born in very simply family. My mother (because father is alcohol addicted) never told me who I should be, to which school/college and should I attend and so on. When I had to make a decision my mother always told me "this is your life and I am here to support you". Even when my decisions had turned out to be wrong she was next to me. In some way  she is my best friend. Now I am an adlut and live in another city but we talk everyday by the phone.
Upbringing is a proccess. As a proccess it should have its goal. Parents should know: in fact upbringing children is making children sensitive for the world of values. But parents must not be attached to the effect of  upbringing. They do their best, they do everything what is possible but effect maybe does not depends on them... Because child is someone else than mather or father. I noticed that children are the best "measuring jug" for hipocrisy of parents... But maybe it is the topic for another topic . I only wanted to share with you my thoughts. Please write what you think about it. And forgive me my English... I do my best to make myself understood

[anaklio]

This seems like one that almost impossible. Parents, in many ways, expect you to make up for THEIR failures. I'm quite successful, but in an alternative way. My parents never seemed to understand.

[daftcow]

As a teenager I was sometimes very happy that I was born in very simply family. My mother (because father is alcohol addicted) never told me who I should be, to which school/college and should I attend and so on. When I had to make a decision my mother always told me "this is your life and I am here to support you". Even when my decisions had turned out to be wrong she was next to me. In some way  she is my best friend. Now I am an adlut and live in another city but we talk everyday by the phone.
Upbringing is a proccess. As a proccess it should have its goal. Parents should know: in fact upbringing children is making children sensitive for the world of values. But parents must not be attached to the effect of  upbringing. They do their best, they do everything what is possible but effect maybe does not depends on them... Because child is someone else than mather or father. I noticed that children are the best "measuring jug" for hipocrisy of parents... But maybe it is the topic for another topic . I only wanted to share with you my thoughts. Please write what you think about it. And forgive me my English... I do my best to make myself understood

I think your English is pretty good and I understand no with no problems

I think you are right, though, parents' hypocrisy can be measured through their children.  Like my mother...what is ok for other people's children to do it not ok for hers!  For example, she will tell another mother not to be too ard on her child for their messy bedroom, but she was always on at me for mine...and on the subject of sex and adult children...she will say that they are adults and only humanand have instincts...but I'm not allowed to sleep in the same bed as my boyfriend when he comes over!  Double standards, like other people's adult children are only human and can have sex...but I can't!