how to deal with verbal attack, conflict, criticism

[WhatToDo]

Hi, I'm interested in learning to deal efficiently with verbal attack. Does anyone have experience with dealing with constant personal digs? How about if you confront people about it and they turn sarcastic? Can you reccomend any good resources? Thanks.

[anaklio]

You often hear "Just ignore it". That is often difficult, but it does seem effective.

I work with a lot of drunk people. They often yell things at me. When I ignore it, it makes them look even more stupid.

I understand it's harder in more personal settings. Can  you get yourself out of this situation? That would be a way to ignore it.

[liza123]

ignoring them would be a good way to combat this. if you confront someone, it is like giving the person the message that the comments affect you. ignoring is better. as time goes on, they might get bored....

but if you feel that the personal digs are affecting you in other ways(maybe in front of your boss or something like that), then, return sarcasm with sarcasm....

it all depends on the situation

[wasd44]

Details on your situation?

[Enigma]

I was teased a lot as a kid and through school.  I always just put up with it, always just shrugged it off and kept my cool.  Never let 'em see you sweat.  It actually made me a stronger person.

More details would be helpful, because there are multiple strategies you can take. 

[S. Earl Martin]

Oh yes, in some ways we never leave High School. Ignoring the actions is one strategy that can be effective.
Fighting fire with fire can sometimes cause the other person to back off. If you don't defend yourself they might just continue. I try to be factual and deal only with the important information. It is a judgement call.
For years I had to deal with some of my in laws making unfair criticism's of me. I just ignored it because I knew if I confronted them it would just play into their hands and hurt my wife or cause trouble in my marriage. Because I loved her I put up with it. Eventually karma won out and they were proved wrong.
Other times I have confronted the person directly and they backed off or at least only make the comments behind my back. Again I try to be as factual as possible. Resorting to an emotional exchange can play into their hands. Sometimes their goal is to provoke an emotional exchange so they can try and get sympathy or pity from others and make you look like the bad guy.
Each situation is unique and study and preparation should be undertaken. Be prepared. Study your opponent. If they have a certain technique or mannerism. Develop a counter measure.
Another method is to confront them in force. If you know that they are going to do their thing. Have allies on hand to defend you and confront them.
If they are trying to make you angry. Do not fall into their trap. Remain rational. When we become emotional we are subject to making strategic errors.

[liza123]

Oh yes, in some ways we never leave High School. Ignoring the actions is one strategy that can be effective.
Fighting fire with fire can sometimes cause the other person to back off. If you don't defend yourself they might just continue. I try to be factual and deal only with the important information. It is a judgement call.
For years I had to deal with some of my in laws making unfair criticism's of me. I just ignored it because I knew if I confronted them it would just play into their hands and hurt my wife or cause trouble in my marriage. Because I loved her I put up with it. Eventually karma won out and they were proved wrong.
Other times I have confronted the person directly and they backed off or at least only make the comments behind my back. Again I try to be as factual as possible. Resorting to an emotional exchange can play into their hands. Sometimes their goal is to provoke an emotional exchange so they can try and get sympathy or pity from others and make you look like the bad guy.
Each situation is unique and study and preparation should be undertaken. Be prepared. Study your opponent. If they have a certain technique or mannerism. Develop a counter measure.
Another method is to confront them in force. If you know that they are going to do their thing. Have allies on hand to defend you and confront them.
If they are trying to make you angry. Do not fall into their trap. Remain rational. When we become emotional we are subject to making strategic errors.

Well-said. We have to study the situations and act accordingly, rather than reacting based on our emotions especially when it involves important relationships

[hortonpilot]

This is an interesting one.
Various ways ........ Leonora Tannenbaum in her book" Cat fight" explains in detail the mechanics of this, easy read.

Firstly do not take it pesonally.
In the face of this you should always not participate .
the person is projecting their grief on you and you not the cause.Please do not forget this.

in my case i just wear people down by not buying into this and often mention to the person ,
"putting shit on things is not a point of conversation" this then gives you the control.
They then see you will not participate , frankly they loose interest when you won't play.
It takes a bit of effort but worth the trouble

I also let it be know to others that the person has a poor attitude if the opportunity arises.
Just do not indulge in the play .

You have the choice to let who you wish into your life and should make the choice , not others who wish to rob your energy.

Positives bring various rewards to life and it is for the best that you do not let others degrade your life on the most basic levels.

First step is to take the courage to rise above the crap and either say something or walk away.
It is not you just idiot people.

Feel free to say what you like, let people know you have your mind on higher matters


Horton

[hortonpilot]

PS.

.. Leonora Tannenbaum in her book" Cat fight" explains in detail the mechanics bullying.
Whilst it is a feminist book the explanation of bullying is worth reading and the consequences.

it should be standard reading.

*Bullying is an inversion of the situation that exists in someone else and you may just be the only person available to torment?

As i said don't participate.

Horton

[arzoo]

i think v should ignore and tolerate the situation
ignorance z the accurate answer 4 those who criticise and say stupid and cheep things

[hortonpilot]

arzoo,
       
           in some cases .
But to eat shitt all your life is no answer.
Better to let them know that they are out of line?

Horton