How do I get my girlfriend to have more sex?

[Sniper15]

We only do it 4 times a week, and that is not enough for me. How can I approach this issue and get her to see that we should be banging more than 4 times a week?

[Enigma]

You've encountered the challenge that every man will face in his life.  When you find something that works, let the rest of us know. 

[SWM]

so true

[naturevnurture]

What i want to know is 'How do i get my hubby to have more sex?!' i would gladly settle for 4x a week. Why is it that few women have high sex drives or higher sex drives than their partners?

[seekinghga]

What i want to know is 'How do i get my hubby to have more sex?!' i would gladly settle for 4x a week. Why is it that few women have high sex drives or higher sex drives than their partners?

Most women DO have higher sex drives than they let on, it is usually societal conditioning and religious morality that keep them from acting on it.  Thankfully we humans are progressing past this restrictive outlook as is shown by the increased touting of free love and open discussion about sexuality.  Shame to express one's inmost desires is a sin as bad as anything Moses could have brought down from Sinai.

[knight]

I think that is a problem everywhere some likes it more and some less. It all depends on how many times you get her in to sex mood. As far as I know there are some classes and books available for this purposes and I am not sure whether they would certainly work.

[Enigma]

Get real good at going down on her.

[liza123]

We only do it 4 times a week, and that is not enough for me. How can I approach this issue and get her to see that we should be banging more than 4 times a week?

Check out this interesting article at http://www.bukisa.com/articles/72385_how-to-make-her-crazy-in-bed. Hope that it will help you. Cheers

[wittoled]

Great link liza123.  I thought I knew what I was doing until I found out first hand that I was essentially clueless. 

[hortonpilot]

In part i don't think it has to do with tecknique.
Sometimes women are just oo busy.

Another thing i have noticed now that i work in a female dominated workplace is that women use sex as a manipulative tool.
For some the real pleasure is with what they can get with it?

This is a sad thing as they as a consequence shut the door on other pleasures and an honest relationship.

Pressure and talk goes to the above and it is regarded by many as emmotional currency.

Do the walk if it won't change........

Begging for sex is a bad look!



Horton

[acousticeagle]

I have a life of celibacy so I'm probably not the person to answer this question. But I've read some on this topic and have discovered in all common sense that females will defer to respond for physical demands by males before first the emotional demands are met.

You could, on a very practical level (don't laugh this is good advice!), help with the housework without being asked or looking for a pat on the head for it. Women find that very sexually appealing, I kid you not. As sex is to do with procreating, in biological terms, then the female on some 'animal' level needs to know that her mate is a suitable mate ie will provide for the needs of the couple and any offspring they might produce. We are mammals and those higher human reasoning may supercede the animal mammalian (or seem to) we nonetheless have mammalian programming. So get more sex by pitching in more. (I wouldn't mind even 4 times a week if the Right partner turned up...*grin*)

[Voix_Celeste]

You could, on a very practical level (don't laugh this is good advice!), help with the housework without being asked or looking for a pat on the head for it. Women find that very sexually appealing, I kid you not. As sex is to do with procreating, in biological terms, then the female on some 'animal' level needs to know that her mate is a suitable mate ie will provide for the needs of the couple and any offspring they might produce. We are mammals and those higher human reasoning may supercede the animal mammalian (or seem to) we nonetheless have mammalian programming. So get more sex by pitching in more. (I wouldn't mind even 4 times a week if the Right partner turned up...*grin*)

I think this will work for some time and that's all. At least this is what happened to me. On the positive side, this will help building a very solid relationship where sex or lack of it will be of secondary importance. In fact, I gave up long ago any sex-related "requests" and I am still with the same woman.

Another positive side I see in doing every kind of housework is that in this way you become completeley independent, in the sense you won't need a woman to keep your home in good shape and yourself out of misery. I never understood why this is a work for a woman and not for everyone, according to the needs of course.

[hortonpilot]

acousticeagle,

 i was driving the car and it occured to me you had made some interesting fundemental points in your reply.
"in all common sense that females will defer to respond for physical demands by males before first the emotional demands are met."
Sexual function may decrease when there are things wrong in a relationship?
What you say gets to the basic stuff .

I had sort of pulled apart what you said and reasoned it out from a mechanical point of view, as i parked the car i said to myself ,
" Write it down before you forget!'
I forgot.

Sexual function is dependent often on very internal stuff.

Horton.

[grasshopper]

I have a life of celibacy so I'm probably not the person to answer this question.     
(I wouldn't mind even 4 times a week if the Right partner turned up...*grin*)

Don't mean to pry or deviate too far from the topic here, acoustic eagle, but may I enquire as to why you have so far chosen a life of celibacy ?  If you happen to be a man of the cloth, or just a single and young guy waiting for that first wild ride, then please forgive my question, for I know the answer already.

If your choice is unrelated to religion, as the closing words of your post suggest, then I still can't help wondering how you calm that visceral human response to the amazing jiggly sights that are common at the beach in summer.   Despite a lifetime partaking of the furry clam whenever the chance presents itself, I still on occasion wind up heading home to choke the lizard with reckless abandon, after a day of observing beach women in various stages of undress.  I don't even want to contemplate the inhumane torment of never having once indulged in the slip and slide, while being bombarded with glimpses of the promised land all summer.

[no_panic]

You say 4x-not that bad!:) I do it with my bf perhaps once in a month. I know it's not normal and I know that there's a big problem inside me, but I can't understand it. I love my bf and he loves me. He's very good in bed. But just the thought about sex is disgusting for me. I even tried to imagine sex with other man ( as I was thinking that maybe I no longer love him) but it's more than disgusting! And can you imagine, my bf bears everything just because he loves me. Maybe my example will help u...

[RogerP44]

In all seriousness, four times a week is often for most of us. I personally am in an unusual relationship, with a woman nearly 15 years my junior, and we actually "make love" about 1 time each week. I have found that, if you love someone, you can be satisfied with whatever level of intimacy you can mutually agree too. You did not list much detail, so I assume you are younger. One of the major fallacies of younger people is that a healthy sex life means many, many times each week. Most of us, that are in a committed relationship, are not accustomed to that level of activity. With life, things happen and events change, and some days, it just is not possible. Does your partner work? if so, long hours? perhaps you "should be banging more" but perhaps you should be greatful for the 4 times. Perhaps more detail will help us help you. I wish you the best.

[Voix_Celeste]

But just the thought about sex is disgusting for me. I even tried to imagine sex with other man ( as I was thinking that maybe I no longer love him) but it's more than disgusting!

Well, I cannot say exactly that I agree with the qualifier "disgusting", but there is some reason that the sexual act is often named "the dirty thing". There is definitely something "dirty" in our perception of it. And I am afraid this is not unrelated to some negativity that I too have developed over the years about it.

And can you imagine, my bf bears everything just because he loves me.

This sounds good, but I have a word of warning: for the male subjects the intercourse is not only psychologically necessary, as it is for the female ones, but physiologically too. There is some tension that builds up when no ejaculation occurs for some time, depending on the individual and the conditions, due to accumulation of fluids in the prostate. This needs to be released. Personally, I find once in a month to be a really long time.

[Voix_Celeste]

In all seriousness, four times a week is often for most of us.

I agree and disagree with this assessment. If you are with a woman that physically attracts you in a new relationship, then 4 times per week is rather little, even for ages above 40 (sure for men in good health, I don't know about women). But when the "love flames" eventually settle down, then you naturally decrease the frequency to once per week or even less.

And then comes the rest of you post:

I personally am in an unusual relationship, with a woman nearly 15 years my junior, and we actually "make love" about 1 time each week. I have found that, if you love someone, you can be satisfied with whatever level of intimacy you can mutually agree too. You did not list much detail, so I assume you are younger. One of the major fallacies of younger people is that a healthy sex life means many, many times each week. Most of us, that are in a committed relationship, are not accustomed to that level of activity. With life, things happen and events change, and some days, it just is not possible. Does your partner work? if so, long hours? perhaps you "should be banging more" but perhaps you should be greatful for the 4 times. Perhaps more detail will help us help you. I wish you the best.

 with which of course I heartily agree

[susie23]

try to romance her into it setting the mood, running her a hot bath, pay attention to her and not the sports channel
basically make her start thinking about the bedroom and the fun you could be having.
if she feels like she's special to you chances are she will be more receptive to your advances but don't just go down on her
think slow build like begin by kissing her neck and massaging her sholders which will lead to touching of other places which will get her hotter quicker
than if you just launch yourself at her.

[Voix_Celeste]

try to romance her into it setting the mood, running her a hot bath, pay attention to her and not the sports channel
basically make her start thinking about the bedroom and the fun you could be having.
if she feels like she's special to you chances are she will be more receptive to your advances but don't just go down on her
think slow build like begin by kissing her neck and massaging her sholders which will lead to touching of other places which will get her hotter quicker
than if you just launch yourself at her.

I bet this is written by a woman. 

This is not the men's approach at all. At least in a systematic way. While you will find men acting like that, my feeling is that this is the exception. Unfortunately, I have not a better advice than this for the original poster.

[hortonpilot]

Last advice,

makes me wonder if women are that superficial to fall for the sweetener?
Which is all it is.

Horton

[voodoo scientist]

Last advice,

makes me wonder if women are that superficial to fall for the sweetener?
Which is all it is.

Horton

Has a woman (or man, I suppose, these days) ever told you you were the most amazing person she's ever slept with, or that you just have the most amazing penis? If someone has, you probably know that feels pretty good - even if you may suspect it's not strictly true. If noone has, just think about how you feelf when a beautiful girl/handsome boy simply smiles at you: good.

I believe, though it's only a hunch, that this "shortcut to sexual attraction" is crucial to human mate selection. In other species, complexity is comparably limited and sexual/natural selection are most often highly correlated (i.e., a trait that confers a natural advantage is extremely likely to also confer a sexual advantage). However, in humans, complexity is virtually infinite and this correlation is now virtually non-existent, making it almost impossible or at least highly impractical to correctly deduce a mate's genetic worth based simply on day to day interaction (see: amount of failed marriages and single mothers).

I believe these shortcuts ensure that our complex personalities do not interface with macro-level propagation of our species by allowing people to experience sufficiently strong sexual attraction for long enough to propagate their genes, but not necessarily slow enough to ensure that the mate really is the best possible choice. Presumably, humans who lacked this ability to lose themselves in pillow talk never had as many children as the peope who do, while the complexity of their personalities remained largely intact, thus conferring no inherent evolutionary disadvantage - but again, pure speculation on my part.