Its over but its so not in the head....

[rubbish]

I recently broke up with my girlfriend of two years and am trying to move on from the baggage. We studied in the same college and thats how we got to know each other. Initially she was going out with someone else and that dint work out so they broke up and she took a lot of time in between to go out with me as she needed some space. i tried to convince her a lot and begged her to go out with me and one fine day she said yes. NOw that we were together things were damn rosy at first but later on being in the same class and stuff i began to reaslise how good she was at whatever she did. she is a very bright student and really career oriented and i am what you can call laid back. She comes from a family that gives a lot of importance to merit esp her mother and i come from a place where not many of my relatives or folks are even educated but i never thought this would cause any problem. College was over she got a great job and i got a decent one but since she is really smart and stuff she decided not to take up her job and instead choose to study further. This is where our problems began. She moved out and went to an other college and the job that i had dint work out because of recession last year. As usual she got busy with her stuff and it left me with a lot of time on my own. I treid higher ed but i couldnt make it becuase of a lot of reasons. Things started getting worse when she really got involved with her college and i stayed home with nothing to do. Took up a job but i quit that in 3 months. I am still at home till date and looking out for jobs. Btw i started getting really frustated with the whole scene of how busy she was and getting jealous of her guy friends got me mad so in a span of a year i broke up with her over 20 times and got back. Initially it was easy getting back but later on she started losing trust in me and the last time we broke up she put her hands up and refused to take me back and i called her names and it got ugly though i really repent what i did i apologised a lot and we at least are on talking terms. I know what my problems are or at least i think i do and i am trying ot reinvent myself over the last two months. It was  like my life had become her and that was my only desire, i did not study much in college never gave my future a thought and i dont blame her its my fault completely but i regret tht i cant have that time back. i lost out on my friends basically i was living in a cocoon. Now i wanna redeem myself, be positive and take things in my stride and do something with convinction without the fear of being compared to her or anyone. But its really tough at times that i think of her because i really think she is a great person  and i can never meet anyone like her again. but i guess all things happen with a reason if not now some years down the line my incompetency would have got the worse of me. I wanna be succesful too i want to get involved too but things were just not going right, they still are not like how i want them to be but it doesnt feel much bad cuz there is not much pressure that i have to live upto...

please comment and help me out

thanks

[rubbish]

can someone please help me out..........

[SWM]

what do you need?

[love]

make use of this man.. i mean when in a period like this get yourself into a project.. feel the pain by working hard on the project.. and jus make it successful ad see wat happens

[rubbish]

I share a very weird relationship with her. I think my problem is that I love her too much and even if i get a single text from her i find it very difficult to stick to my plan drift emotionally way too soon. I know that if i try real hard and convince her to get back with me she may do it( though m not totally sure) but i dont know if i will remain happy.. for a short duration yes i will but in the long run everything will come again all the comparison, and the unrest i know its all in me and its not her fault at all but i wanna change the way i think and i really wanna be a better person. Being single i have undergone quite a transformation and i know i will be able to better but i cannot tell her to not bother me till i get myself straight because that will be rude. I dont care if its her or anyone else that has to take this shit but i really wanna stop the way i think when i am with someone.

1.Is it not wrong to think that your partner will be more successful than you and you will spend the rest of your life thinkin of what if?
2. Is it not wrong on my part that i break up with her because i am insecure of the fact that i might not have a future?
3.Due to my incompetency i doubt that she is two timing me where as in real world i know she would never do such a thing
4.What will her parents think of me even though its long time for us to even think about it?

what should i do to avoid these feelings??
4.IS it not crazy to think that

[Zepher08]

Rubbish, sounds like you are comparing yourself to your ?xgf. Her world is standing in your way of becoming who you are the way you need to do it. Not her way. So focused on her strength you are ignoring your own. Your own strength needs to be reclaimed and then developed. As it is, you have made her your prize and you are not looking with in to see where the prize exists 1st and always. Centered in self and not the accomplishments of the other person. I say find out why you are having a difficult time connecting with your own power. Where is it hiding and how do you connect with it.

What you are telling yourself with in this relationship is that she is too good or will you ever meet any one a successful. Her sucess is not your success. You have to do this for yourself.

When I meet up with that feeling of some one being greater or better I use this to determine what I am not doing...what I am avoiding doing, and what I think I am unable to do. the interesting thing about this is that I may not be able to accomplish in the same manner as another person. I have to figure out what works for me.

So looking at your X's accomplishments and strengths is not doing anything to cultivate your own and it is a easy way of getting out of taking on the personal responsibility of doing so.