My ex-fiance wants us to be a big happy family...???

[BlueChld]

I've been married for three years now and my ex-fiance, who is also the father of my older daughter wants to pretend that we are a big happy family. He is currently with someone else as well and he has another child from that relationship.
Now, I am the type of person who tries to have as little as I can with my ex's, even though I have stayed in good term with them. I understand that I need to keep close contact with this one, because we have a daughter together, but I draw the line at the parent-teacher meetings and other school functions for the things we do together. What he wants is that both of our new families get together for the weekends and spend time going to picnics, fairs or whatever else that some families do.
I have tried explaining to him that I don't feel comfortable spending time with him and his girlfriend and neither does my husband. He says that I am trying to be obnoxious and it is good for our daughter to see us all getting along. I personally believe that the fact that we are friendly to each other, and we both participate in our daughter's school activities should be enough.

Am I being unreasonable?

[WildChild]

If your happy..with your present relationship with your family...just stay wit it..dont do anything..stupid...



                                                                                                                                                        -WildChild

[love]

s you are indeed reasonable.. dont let him beyond the limits.. and try avoiding him after your daughter grows up..

[Zepher08]

"I have tried explaining to him that I don't feel comfortable spending time with him and his girlfriend and neither does my husband. He says that I am trying to be obnoxious and it is good for our daughter to see us all getting along. I personally believe that the fact that we are friendly to each other, and we both participate in our daughter's school activities should be enough." ~ BlueChild
 

Hey Blue Child,

First off, you have a right to boundaries and this is a boundary that you are setting for yourself as well as your present family. Second, You do not have to explain...X does not need a reason.

Third, boundaries are non negotiable. Your personal line that says the buck stops here is a two letter word, NO. Thanks for the offer (maybe) but I am not interested.

"He says that I am trying to be obnoxious and it is good for our daughter to see us all getting along." so he wants his way and in order to do so he calls you a name, "obnoxious". I would say he is way out of line, stepping way over boundaries and determined to get his way. His appeal that it is good for "our" daughter is a matter of opinion and NOT a truth.

You may desire to remain nice to him but this verbal action and request is only a request not a demand and you have every right to practice YOUR RIGHT to say no with out a reason in the world.

Let him think you are obnoxious, his thought are not your business, only his.

I have found with people who have this kind of personality to say less is best. It always manages to amount to one control step and then the next and then the next and finally it feels like ya never broke it off with him in the first place. He is back in your family business.
Something like that.

What is enough for you is enough for you. You are not obligated to register with what is enough for him. I am thinking that would be one reason why you are divorced.

Be strong.