One of my teacher - the one, who "owns" our class... A few big problems.

[student_psy]

Hi everyone. First of all - sorry, if i make any mistakes, or fail to explain something, English isn't my main language.
There's a teacher, who is supposed to take care of a class, tell news to the class, organize it, etc. in our country (don't know about other countries/us). That's for each class, different teachers, etc. So our class has got a very... "nice" teacher, after 9th grade. I was with her for 2 years now, i mean she was our "main teacher". First year she acted kinda normal with me, as with other classmates, maybe for half a year, then she started to "push" a few people, talk with them, that she doesn't like something they are doing, for example learning things, that they won't be learning from 11th grade and getting bad marks and stuff like that. At 10th grade, she was kinda... too obsessed with making us like robots, control us. Like the only class in the whole school, with 1000+ students, we agreed (SHE agreed and like 3-5 students from 30 of our class) to buy balloons for the whole school, repair her class (even though it looked better than most of the other classes), do other stuff. First of all, that was only our class. No other classes were doing such things. Second of all, it costs a lot, and our country is poor. It's in a deep crisis still. She "scavenged" money even from the poorest people in our class, me too. Also, she tried to talk and tell some of our class' students to do how she wants, attend to a lot of events, stuff like that. And now i am going to go to 11th grade, in 4 days. I wasn't listening to her, i don't want to be a puppet of someone, and as you probably already understood, she's a perfectionist puppet master. Don't know terms of psychology though, I'm just getting her personality. I did things my way, the way, that most of other students from other classes does. She doesn't like that. That was done by some other students. Except, they are loved by some teachers, because they are sociable, and i am not (that's a long story, why i am not, psychology still (and by not sociable i mean public events, not friends)), I'd rather sit normally, learn something interesting and don't shout, as others like saying stuff loudly, so I'm pretty much not being noticed by most of the teachers, except our informatics teacher, since I'm good with computers, and are doing 5 exercises, while others do 1-2.
So with all this being said - here's the problem: I think, that she hates me, and she's trying to kick me out of the school, or at least make my life more miserable. And of course she has more influence for other teachers, than i do.
Oh, and also she was writing emails how bad and crappy i am to my mom. She was even lying to her trough the emails, that i found out today.
Question: How can i reflect all the bad stuff she does to me, back to her. Make her miserable and let her know, that she won't make me a puppet, and won't do me any bad. I don't want "revenge". I want to let her know, that I'm not some poor guy (money - yea, i can't do nothing, I'm poor, and mind), that can be pushed around.

If you need details about something, let me know, I'll try to explain the situation, or answer the question more clearly. And again - sorry for my English, hope you understood, what i do need.

[Enigma]

You're learning a very important lesson in life.  Sometimes there will be people with power over you who don't like you and will try to make your lifer miserable.  Pushing back isn't the best option; it can make the situation a lot worse.  Just deal with it and move on.

[acousticeagle]

The kind of person you describe sounds like a typical bully. These personalities, the kind that project their negative influences on others derive some 'feeding' for their deep feelings of insecurity. They thrive on the ability to make people jump and in the continued 'knowledge' of that power, their victims say 'how high'. If you have stood up to her, then the reason you might think she's targeting you is that she would perceive you haven't succumbed to her need for superiority.

Is there any way you can change your phsyical circumstances in this? Be careful not to get your psyche too wounded by being in this classroom 'battlefield'. It might help to do some daily journaling. I find that if you write a little about your experiences each day, write them in a more objective way, that way if things go from bad to worse, you have the 'ammunition' to possibly present your case to those in higher authority over this teacher.

No one needs a bully in their life.

The other thing that you might be aware of is that the 'bully' is also, on the other hand, given themselves to being intimidated. They somehow, in their warped peripheral senses, understand the dynamics of that 'law of the [people] jungle'.

[student_psy]

Thanks for answers.
I think, that i cannot change my physical circumstances about this, that's why I'll have to deal with this problem somehow.

Could you please tell me more about her personality? I'll write some more facts about her. Not stories but facts. I never could have thought, that she's a typical bullie, it seemed to me more like a psychotic control maniac, or something like that.

Anyway, here's the information about how she acts:

She judges things by herself, for the whole class, she claims, that "she thought, that we would like that" (some big event for example), after that, she claims, that "we cannot not do it, she already said, that we will probably do it. We must do it".
She makes our parents to repair class, buy balloons, etc, as i said in the first post.
She looks very innocent from the side (that's the reason, why i thought, that she's a psychotic control maniac): She looks like she's a very good person, especially to our parents, other teachers. But to us - no.
She claims, that "we must do that and that", even if we don't want to. We must do, because other classes don't do it (Naturally, because they understand this is BS and money waste, time waste), and because she wants us too. Like a poor kid, you know, like a little kid wants a candy, you say, that you cannot buy it, he looks with those puppy eyes, and looks like a very sad person. That's what she does, except you can see deep in her, that she "feels pleasure" by doing that. And our class doesn't have many... bright minds, so most of them just believe the bs, and do the stuff. Only a few understands that.
She knows how to convince typical people to do something, to believe in her, to believe what she is saying, even if it's a complete bs and a lie.

So anyway, could you tell me a little bit more about her personality, so I'll have a better idea, with who I am dealing with?

[acousticeagle]

Having thought about this I can add to the more info you've supplied.

You wrote: "First year she acted kinda normal with me, as with other classmates, maybe for half a year, then she started to "push" a few people,"

Overall, I think her behaviour is territorial. At the start she sounds like it took time for her to work out the best way to rule over things. You're dealing with a very intelligent person here who also sounds competitive. For instance her wanting to make her classroom better than other classrooms. She needs to be noticed, to have attention paid.

Like I said, you are dealing with a deeply insecure personality - and all the bullying is the compensation for the deep insecurities. If someone stands up to her, she takes it as a challenge, first to her intelligence to work out to 'get the better of someone' and secondly to maintain her 'territory'.

The thing that is giving her an edge of power is her ability to play 'nice' when it suits her and according to who she is with. For example 'nice' to parents and her superiors, but rotten to you. Because she's nice to people who she needs to flatter and convince she is a good person (when bullying behaviour to you and your class speaks otherwise), it makes it virtually impossible her victims to convince those that need to be convinced of her not being a good, nice person.

She knows how to play the game. Like I said, you're dealing with a very, very intelligent person and one who's not used to losing in the head-game department.

People like these have a lot of words to say; they use words to blind people to what they are really up to. People can get lost in their words so much that when a person like this does actions, which don't add up to the seeming goodness of their words, these not-so-good actions (and their results) are got away with.

What do your fellow students think?Are they in concensus with how this teacher makes them feel? Do they feel intimidated as you do? Are they scared of her? Is there an 'anti-bullying' program in place in your school? If so, then I would refer to my earlier suggestion of keeping a written journal, or record, of what this woman is making people do. Also to write them down clearly but in an objective way.

This person is an overbearing personality and your schoolwork will suffer as a result. That could be one of your arguments if ever you are able to talk with one of her superiors at the school.

Yes, she sounds like a bully. And the best ongoing reaction to bullying by a toxic individual is to ignore them. For bullies thrive on the reactions of their victims. Ignoring them slights them and they don't know quite how to react to that themselves. It might even phaze her and put her off-balance.

I hope there's a change in your circumstances, but in the meantime do what she says without showing much or any reaction. If she says, 'do you have the money for this or that?' simply say "no, I don't have the money for that". And be firm...a "no' is a "no". And if she persists, repeat again "no, I don't have the money for that". And again. She sounds like a nag, and nags need to be told "no" and have that repeated. Try not to show any emotion when you do it - try to maintain a very, very objective attitude when dealing with her. If she sees you scowling at her (for eg) then she's had a victory and she will have worked out what your weakness is.

Just remember, one day this episode in your life will end. And, in such a crisis, remember that it can be an opportunity to grow, to develop your wits and emotional maturity.

A quotation:
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
- Maya Angelou (1928-)

[student_psy]

Thanks for your answer.
But however, she doesn't ask questions. She says we are gonna do it. So... This tactic is not working very well... You see, she talks to the whole class, she says "we are going to do that", a few people disagree, then she starts to do those "puppy eyes" and talks to them, since they ain't very intellectual persons, they believe her most of the time, gets down, and pays the price.

Also, the way you've told me - do what she says... Ain't gonna work either. You see, she invites us into big events, even makes us do some of our own sometimes, and stuff like that. She especially likes after-school staying at school and doing something. Like we have lessons from 8AM to 2:35PM and we still have to stay and do something. I don't, most of the time, except those times, which really benefits me, which are very, very rare. Some other classmates don't.
So by explaining what I should do, if I'd do, what she says, I'm going to say, what I am doing every day:
I'm programming, learning interesting stuff, learning programming, Reading science books, doing homework, learning a little bit for school before tests (sometimes we even have a few tests a week!), training martial arts, exercising and I have a few game servers, which needs to be administrated. So my schethual is pretty much busy, i couldn't sit from 2:35PM, or 1:40PM to 4-6PM and do the stuff. I even sometimes unable to do the stuff i need to do without all these things (And I'm doing all these things by myself, I've no money to pay a martial arts teacher or buy something, so it takes even more time.)... And I really wouldn't like to make my life less progressive, boring and miss some opportunities, because of one person. It'd be like partially ruining my own life, with my own hands, it's like selfkill in some way. Just understand this last saying in an easy way, i don't know how to express it how it is in english, sorry about that.

As for my classmates... There are a few persons, from 30, who likes her. They are learning good, they are silent, they have money, they don't shout, they like public events, they've plenty of time. So this is kinda the off-class activity, they would like to do, this is fun for them.
As for other ~10-15 people - they don't care, they've no busy skedual, they can go out, they can do something together - they don't give a crap. Just the "gray mass". And the other few people - including me - doesn't like that, they've got tight skeduals, they have to do something. Others doesn't like public events, even though they've time. And others doesn't like her because of the money spendings. So basically she's got 1/5 haters, 1/5 likers and 3/5 neutrals.

And that's a nice qoute by the way.

[student_psy]

Sorry for a double post, but i still cannot edit my posts. Anyway, i wanted to say, that she is a nag, she nags for things a few times, the if you still disagree with her, she then tells you how she disapointed are, most of the people then falls off by her feet.
I've been myself in a few situations like this with her actually. That was about something... I don't recall what. Was 2 times, that she nagged something from me on a 1v1 conversation... But yea, i wasn't nice to her, as i knew part of her game, and i didn't do, what she's asked me to do both times, i think. That was ridiculous askings i think, i really don't recall them, but i recall, that i didn't liked them, for some reason very much. That was in 9th grade, so pretty long time ago.