question for the guys(girls are also welcome!)

[liza123]

my friend told me that a guy should pursue a girl and not the other way round...only then, she said that the relationship will last...something to do with nature being such that male pursues the female...so,guys, what do you think?

[SWM]

"treat em mean and keep em kean" is an old saying, it goes both ways for both genders. it will not work for everyone. some people will not take this kind of game playing, some people will see right throught it.

but this is more bout the pursuit and being pursued. that is what seems to be the most important thing not which gender is pursuing which.

[anaklio]

Life is short, if you see something you want you should work hard to achieve it. If you are a woman, and there's a man you desire you should go for it. There's nothing worse than regret.

[SWM]

There's nothing worse than regret.

this is a funny saying, i noticed myself using this and i have had to stop myself. it is quite a common saying. "there is nothing worse than....."; i find it funny now because when i hear someone using the term i immediatley think of the worst possible thing that could happen. like if some one says "there is nothing worse than regret", i think "how about a limb amputation" or "losing the family pet" "crucifixion", maybe. i dont use that saying any more.

[anaklio]

Fair point, but if you take our language to extremes it all falls apart (see it doesn't really fall apart ;-)

What I was getting at is ... if you ask someone on their deathbed what they regret ... they tend to focus on DECISIONS they made or could have made. Obviously they would also regret losing their arm, but those kind of things are often beyond control.

[daftcow]

I think that it doesnt matter which sex does the persuing! Sometimes there is no persuit involved.  When I got with my boyfriend, he knew I liked him, and then he realised he liked me and told me this.  So it was a case of "should we give it a go?  Ok ", so we did.  But we had been friends for 5 years before this.  I thihk the strongest relationships, the ones that go the distance, come from strong friendships, like mine did with my boyfriend!  He was my best friend before, and he is still my best friend...its like the friendship was the seed and love was the flower that blossomed over time

[anaklio]

Agreed, friendship is the core of a good romantic relationship, but there is a difference. That difference is almost undefinable, but you know it when you feel it.

One thing I notice in the 2000s is that people are more casual about this stuff. It's less about traditional roles and status (e.g., courting, dating, being together) and more about feeling (e.g., Does this person make me happy?) That seems wise, but it means you have to be on your best behavior as you can easily lose those feelings (and thus the person generating them).

[liza123]

"treat em mean and keep em kean" is an old saying, it goes both ways for both genders. it will not work for everyone. some people will not take this kind of game playing, some people will see right throught it.

but this is more bout the pursuit and being pursued. that is what seems to be the most important thing not which gender is pursuing which.

ha ha ha..i will remember that and share that advice...now that i think of it, it is true of some relationships i know of...it does work!shouldn't be too goody good!

thnaks for your reply

[liza123]

Agreed, friendship is the core of a good romantic relationship, but there is a difference. That difference is almost undefinable, but you know it when you feel it.

One thing I notice in the 2000s is that people are more casual about this stuff. It's less about traditional roles and status (e.g., courting, dating, being together) and more about feeling (e.g., Does this person make me happy?) That seems wise, but it means you have to be on your best behavior as you can easily lose those feelings (and thus the person generating them).

well-said. i agree with you about the best behavior part...one of the reasons for divorce after marriage...expectations and not being yourself. friendship is a core, yes, but, i think that something undefinable is needed. i have a really good friend but, i cannot imagine marrying him...something is really missing...do not know what!

[lolopo666]

Well what makes a good relationship was mutual understanding and consciousness. somehow the idea of the unfair pursuing was pertly right because it just means that the male really wanted the female (which is so annoying for the females they are really selfcentered). but Take a look at this the self centeredness of the f was the only reason she loved the pursuer not because she also wanted her when it comes to marriage the problem will arise and boom! divorce.

[squid]

My wife pursued me and I was quite happy with that.  I actually think women should be more open to pursue a guy, all my guy buds would agree.

[Zepher08]

I am female and the best relationships I have had are the ones I made the initial move. I "regret" all others HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ! No, not entirely , but I know how to pick and being picked seems stupid at this point.

The old fashion way that a woman pursues is  by first  making herself available. It isn't done the male style so I think women do a whole lot more pursuing than is visible.

Any time I hear the world "should" as in you should do this or women should do that , men should be like this I turn off the should...there is no should.
Females can pursue , females do not pursue etc. How can one method be the only method. Women should wait untill they are desired and women shouldn't apy attention to their deisres ...they shouldn't take risks ect etc etc....

[love]

hey.. watever it is love is important to build  a relationship.. it wud nice if both come around each other..

[C0rnholio]

There is such thing as "giving space". You can pursue anyone, but if you are not giving them any space, then you'd better stop before they feel suffocated and start avoiding you. Some people need a lot of space, some want a lot of closeness. The rule of thumb is to match their communication, the amount of their communication to be exact. You can bend it in the direction that you want it to go, more or less, but do not exceed is several times over. Then they will run from you. Likewise, if they are not giving you space, then explain to them that you need it and why you need it. But if you need closeness, all you need to do is talk more, and hopefully they will reciprocate, if they want the same.

Some people choose to play games with these concepts, thinking that if they withhold communication or showing affection, then they will get more of it in their direction. This is true, and it sometimes works, but this is manipulative, and long-term your partner will see right through it. It also creates a lot of insincerity and emotional distancing in the relationship.

[crash]

Some guys like aggressive women. Nothing wrong with her going after him, but it may be wise for her to back off after a while to see if the roles will switch and he will seek her out. ...like a game of cat and mouse.

[drywaterdrywater]

it can go either way, it all depends on the person. what makes a relationship last is the chemistry. who pursued who has low relevance to the longevity of the relationship

[Big Psych]

my friend told me that a guy should pursue a girl and not the other way round...only then, she said that the relationship will last...something to do with nature being such that male pursues the female...so,guys, what do you think?

Don't listen to this crap.  A relationship will work only if you and the other work on it.  It makes no difference who pursues whom. 

[VeggieTeen92]

I think it just depends on who the guy is thats the real reason it works or doesn't.