Relationship... I don't want them... But I feel like I want them.

[psy_guy]

It is a very interesting thing I am going trough, so interesting, that I even decided to share about it with people at this forum, and also maybe get some opinions about it.
I never wanted a relationship rationally, and I am 19 years old. The reason for that is that I don't see a point in a relationship, unless the person is really really interesting. I am not interested in casual things... Like going to a restaurant, talking about daily news, going to see a movie, etc.. These things are rather boring to me, or often - very boring.
I am interested in philosophical conversations, I like being alone, I like working on something what requires thinking. I even ignore calls sometimes, because I am doing something and I know that the call will be boring, from some relative who will ask how I am doing and other boring stuff...
And yet, when I meet a girl, any girl that gets closer to me, it doesn't matter if she is pretty or not, but I feel emotional about her. I've met 4 girls in my life. With one - I just met 2 times, another I chatted using the internet, third - my classmate, never got to know her, and the 4th - now.
Feeling emotional means that I like the girl, I want to be with her, even though I don't enjoy the conversations we are having... I don't like how they look, I don't like anything about them. But still - I want to be with them.
The first one was easy to 'shake off', I met with her, then I experienced that she isn't interesting by actually seeing it happen. Then I said that I don't want to meet her anymore, and then I again - wanted to meet her. Second girl, just chat trough the internet, I shook her off after I started to think about her every day... It was bad for a few days, then the things came back to normal. The third - the classmate, I am still going to school and I am forced to see her on the corridors, so it isn't easy to shake her off. I still feel uncomfortable when I pass her, but I'd love to forget that I ever saw her. The fourth - is a girl I am friends on the internet right now. I have never seen her, her photo or anything. I just talk with her, she talks with me, but it is boring, she isn't an interesting person. But I am still talking to her, I want to meet her, I want to have a relationship with her, even though I find nothing attractive in her. No looks, no mind...
It seems that I am attracted to any girl I meet, even though there is absolutely nothing attractive about them. Maybe even unattractive. Why do I act like that - I do not know. I would really like for it to stop. I hate thinking about a girl I don't even like or want to be with all the time. It interferes with my daily activities, school, and I don't like it as a general idea and in general.
My thoughts on why this is happening: I've never even had a hug from a girl, which means no sex too, so I might want to try something like that... It should be more of a feeling side though, I guess, and I have no idea about that... yet. Maybe somebody will pinpoint some thoughts that will help me understand that.

What are your thoughts about this strange phenomenon?

[SWM]

the only thing that is "strange" about it is that you are trying to fight this feeling. it is not so much strange as it is not what most young men do when they are attracted to women.

what do you want the outcome to be? do you want to keep avoiding girls or do you want to have "a hug" or sex?

[gone]

your post is really sweet as well as intelligent. i agree with swm this is natural for both men and women - most don't fight it because if feels good.

But I'm on your side because I too don't see the point (well of long term relations anyway).
It's funny but what you are observing is nature, we're meant to breed and what you are feeling is nature's way of inticing you into reproduction.
What's interesting is that you've recognised it, most people would say they fancy a person, this is what you seem to be experiencing, but as there is no attraction i guess you're feeling a 'bond' possibly a feeling of 'intimacy' I don't just mean sex by that but being close to a person.
Again I would say this is nature alluring us to engage in reproduction, it feels nice, but sure can get in the way of study, work and regular functioning. So is it really good? Good for pro-creation not so good for concentration :-)
My rule of thumb is 'If it feels right go with it, if it don't feel right don't do it'...
But beware as the saying goes 'the more sex a person has the more they want it'..

[psy_guy]

the only thing that is "strange" about it is that you are trying to fight this feeling. it is not so much strange as it is not what most young men do when they are attracted to women.

what do you want the outcome to be? do you want to keep avoiding girls or do you want to have "a hug" or sex?

The outcome... I would like not to feel that tension and stop thinking about them. That would be a great outcome... Which isn't possible.

your post is really sweet as well as intelligent. i agree with swm this is natural for both men and women - most don't fight it because if feels good.

But I'm on your side because I too don't see the point (well of long term relations anyway).
It's funny but what you are observing is nature, we're meant to breed and what you are feeling is nature's way of inticing you into reproduction.
What's interesting is that you've recognised it, most people would say they fancy a person, this is what you seem to be experiencing, but as there is no attraction i guess you're feeling a 'bond' possibly a feeling of 'intimacy' I don't just mean sex by that but being close to a person.
Again I would say this is nature alluring us to engage in reproduction, it feels nice, but sure can get in the way of study, work and regular functioning. So is it really good? Good for pro-creation not so good for concentration :-)
My rule of thumb is 'If it feels right go with it, if it don't feel right don't do it'...
But beware as the saying goes 'the more sex a person has the more they want it'..

That would be very strange for me to experience a feeling of 'intimacy'. I do not value obsolete relationship, like most people have, talking about what good party they had during the weekend, and this seems to be exactly the thing. And I do not like it. Rationally and not rationally. It might be because it is a girl, and I never had a girlfriend. I might just want to experience the feeling of having it, just to know how it feels. In fact, I often wonder how it feels to have a girlfriend, be with somebody you like a lot.
Well... Your rule of thumb would say that I'd have to ignore it and don't go with it. I'd really like to do so, but you can't conquer your unconscious mind. ;-)
As for the saying, yea, definitely true. Well, must be. A lot of people I know told me stories that they can't live with it and just go look for girls in bars after their first time. Before - they just wanted to experience it, but after - they had to experience it, more and more often.
I would really like that reproduction feeling to be gone, not feel the tension and to realize that I do not need a relationship. I would really rather doing something I really love doing, for example - I'd like robotics. It requires ton of money though. Is it even possible not to think about the girl I am talking/chatting to/with all the time, be able to concentrate on things, stop feeling the tension?***

*** I am psychologically strong, at least I think so. I am able to deal with lots of stress, not pay attention to what most other people reacts wildly, like insults for example, or criticism.