sexual transference

[GeekyQc]

This post will contain assumptions, I'm not a psychologist neither studies all the research of the subjects but I am a human and I do observe things, albeit some may be subjective (to fit my preferred outlook on life) but I suspect some are common (to my specie). Instead of writing hypnotically to most things, I will assume I'm right for the post but I know I'm not so you don't have to convince me if you disagree to the assumption made to shorten the post.

In amorous relationship, there's an inherent feeling of attachment to the point of making your life around the couple instead of yourself ; investing in your partner will invest in yourself to some proportion (hopefully the relationship will last and the investment will pay off). This isn't limited to interactions, economy and environment, it can creep to basic behaviors thinking as a team and relying on that.

Beside sexual relationships, there is one's sexual identity. Observing more people have a sexuality in shade of grey than black & white, the later combo restricted as hetero or homosexual, I'm wondering how being in a couple with someone you could see yourself living another facet of your sexuality through. For example, a men (of course me being a men is easier to make the example in ) being more attracted to women than men choose the heterosexual men stereotype but him also being attracted to men put him at odd with that convention ; there might be alienation surfacing as frustration or desire to sometime look another way (thinking of cross-dressers). There are setting where looks doesn't really matter, be it at home or a kinky group/evening or perhaps a convention (there might be neighborhoods as well but observing the violence in gay districts where people don't look so queer, it would likely sky-rocket).

If he doesn't feel comfortable to fully explore his sexual identity but still feel that the custom is insufficient, he could fantasize about switching to the other stereotype in part on an ongoing basis or more extensively sometimes. Being shy, he might transfer that desire in his female partner, his sexual identity growing in part to his couple. For example, feeling sexually pleased that his partners have thin eyebrows, a smooth complexion or have curves, of course him not having those features.

Personally, I know that being stuck in a stereotype causes me frustrations, not fantasies, so it's hard to imagine what I proposed.