To get something, you need to give something first?

[questioneer]

I have this new friend, a girl, we are not a boyfriend and a girlfriend, nor do any of us want the intimate relationship. However, we are both extremely shy and closed-up. I want to know her better, but I don't want to let people I don't know to let to know myself. This is something just against my personality. It makes me feel bad and all that... It's tremendous stress for me, of which I already have a lot.
So the only way I thought is to let her to know me better and then slowly ask about her. But is there any other way? A way that wouldn't make me stress for days, maybe even weeks?

[SWM]

you are not comfortable with your self for some reason?

[questioneer]

No, not really. That is not the reason why I don't want people to know me... I somehow just don't like when too many people knows too much about me. I like being with one close friend or alone, and I rather them to know everything about me than a group of people little about me.

[SWM]

you are shy and closed up she is shy and closed up. do you feel anxious when you think about talking to her?

[questioneer]

Yes, I do. However, I think that the anxiousness would be gone, if she would talk first... Tried to imagine the whole situation, what I would feel and how it would go after reading your post.

[SWM]

you feel anxious because you imagine yourself feeling anxious in the situation?

[questioneer]

You asked me how do I think I would feel, if I would talk to her on these topics, I thought how I would feel.

[SWM]

and do you imagine yourself feeling anxious when you think about being in that situation?

[questioneer]

Yes, I imagine being very anxious being in that situation.

[SWM]

what purpose does it serve or what do you think are the consequences of imagining yourself being very anxious in a situation?

[questioneer]

It tells me how I would feel in that situation.
By the way, I have tried to start talking about something, but I was too anxious and uncomfortable, in case you think it's only my imagination...

[SWM]

bare with me this  will make sense eventually.

in the situation where you tried to start talking to her but got too anxious did you think about how you would feel before you did it?

[questioneer]

No, not really... I did the thinking part after I tried talking to her, trying to figure out what happened.

[SWM]

have look see what you make of this

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http://www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/leaflets/Shyness%20and%20Social%20Anxiety%20%20A4%202010.pdf

[questioneer]

That was a nice reading material:
403 Forbidden
You do not have permission to access this page: (that link, I'm not allowed to post it...)
Any other way to read this?

[SWM]

ah! the website doesn't like direct linking. copy and paste link into browser.

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http://www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/leaflets/Shyness%20and%20Social%20Anxiety%20%20A4%202010.pdf

[questioneer]

No, I don't actually feel that way it is written here. I do feel some of these things when I'm in a situation like giving a speech in front of many, many people at school, or when we used to do big projects, like dancing or whatever, I do feel some of these things. But not then, then I just somehow... I think that I don't want to tell too much before I know not much about the person... I just don't want that anybody would know too much about my deep me... That makes me kinda anxious... It's kinda hard to explain emotions for me, I'm more of a 'thinker'.
Offtopic: I think I could use some of these tips in these big situations, thank you for the link.

[SWM]

oh right, so you dont get anxious in other social situations, i thought it was worth checking out, as social anxiety is pretty common.

what is so bad about a person knowing the deep you. what might happen if the person knows the deep you and what is scary in that situation?

[questioneer]

Yea, I had social anxiety when I was younger, but I've overcame it by reading some self-help books, or maybe it just disappeared as i grow up. Don't know the correct answer, but it doesn't matter anyway... Although it'd be interesting to know if the self-help books worked or not... Well, anyway, to the topic:
Well, when I go deep into a friendship, I go somewhere deeper than just a friend I meet somewhere on the street, I want a good friendship, meeting more often, doing things together, etc.. I prefer one close friend to 10 'average' friends. I do that after I tell more about myself... But often people run from this kind of close friendship, they prefer more friends and they don't want to be that open and all that... Only one guy shared the values (is that how I should call it? If not, how should I? Just wondering...), but he's out of the country now, so we don't communicate at all anymore.