Troubled by my friends anger, feeling confused

[zena]

Hi, I would appreciate other's opinions on this situation.

My closest friend lives abroard and I have had a s*it year +++. In the last few months my mother has developed alzhiemers, broken her hip, and become very needy. Me,  being me,  my family happily let me take resposability for most of her needs. My relationship with my partner has been rocky and confusing However we recently discovered he has aspergers which rocked my world, my dog died, I was bullied at work, I was drinking too much and isolated myself. Then I became ill with shingles (im 50), became very depressed and felt life was over for me. I also went slightly crazy writing on the walls, endless poems about death, then  after 18 clean years I briefly relapsesd on an illegal substance for a a few weeks.
I confided this to my friend this, said i was coming over and needed a big hug. however, her emails became cold and hostile. (some due to not realising when I was joking, or implied someting else literally). I thought she knew me better.
Now this is where I am so confused, when we met  instead of a hug I was met with an outburst of anger. She spoke to me like a teacher, harsh tone of voice. told me how selfish i had been to spend our savings on drugs, that I was self indulgent ( prob true), and cant really remember what else she said as I was so taken aback, but all was said as parent repremanding a naughty child. We met the next day for a couple of hours and tried to talk it through. however we could not see the others point of view. I could never do that to a friend who had reached out and confided in me. I really cant understand her need to vent her anger, (maybe initially because i hurt my partner), but I cant understand why she felt the need to express this anger with such venom. After everything I have been through I expected love and compassion from my dearest friend. I could acept her saying she had felt angry at the time and why, I would also be open to suggestions how I could have dealt with things better. But her view remained that she had a right to show her anger, tell me to grow up, tell me how stupid and self indulgent i was. I did explain I had beaten myself up, so no need for her to contribute. Her mother and her partner have caused her lots of problems over the years. i.e. Her mothers drinking and having no money. I really believed she was projecting this onto me, but she denied this.
On my last evening she only met for 20 mins, and there is a huge barrier. I am going to be self indulgent and say she was the one thing in my life I felt was concrete and forever, and I am so sad. Its prob the crappiest of all my other problems. I feel just cant forgive her.

Please advise if you think, she dealt with the situation in a loving way, ie being cruel to be kind?

She likely was projecting?

I am grown up and should be able to accept it on the chin?

Any other thoughts.

I dont want to lose our friendship, its precious to me, but I dont know if I have the mataurity to put it behind me.

thanks
Zena [[size=12pt][/size]

[SWM]

obviously i don't know the specifics of the situation. there may be details that you have left out.

going on what you have said, you were asking your friend for compassion and understanding, she showed you hostility and anger. treated you like a child when you wanted an adult to adult conversation.

when reading your post you come across as a sincere and honest individual, you take ownership of your emotions and are fair in your appraisal of yourself.

given these factors, it would seem right to feel that your friend let you down.

[zena]

Thank you for your opinion. This is something thatI just cant stop thinking about, I play the senario over and over in my mind. It's driving me mad.

sincere thanks
zena

[SWM]

what bothers you most about this?

[zena]

loosing my best friend, not sure how to approach her

Why she was angry (I didn't hurt her). I felt it was right to be honest with her, and she would appreciate my honesty.

why she wanted to attack me for what I did, and angrily point out my character faults. when I objected,  was accused of not wanting to hear the truth. She knows that I would be open to calm constructive critisim.
An angry person scares me. I really felt her anger.

[love]

send this link to your friend.. he ll understand the situation..