Author Topic: Which of these things makes people not to want to talk to me?  (Read 1393 times)

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psy_guy

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Which of these things makes people not to want to talk to me?
« on: September 23, 2010, 04:31:57 PM »
Hi everyone. I'm basically in a class with ~30 people. They are talking in groups, mostly. But occasionally they are talking to each other, at least asking questions about homework, or something like that. Or during the breaks between the lessons. However, I'm not involved in any of those conversations. I've a few friends, who occasionally comes to me, we talk during the breaks. But everyone have some friends.

Anyway, if you are confused about what i just said: Only friends talks to me, people i know good. Other people, the ones i might get known, or just simple classmates - doesn't want to have a contact with me. What's the problem? Which of these things most likely to cause that? Maybe some other?

I'm not looking very attractive, at least i think so, compared to some others. I'm not fat, but I'm not very good looking. However, other not-good-looking guys are being talked to.
I don't express myself during the lessons - I talk only, when asked. I don't shout from my place the answer if i know it.
I don't talk sports or cars with others. I don't have stories about big parties. I don't drink and don't smoke... But what about girls then? They are not interested in cars or sports.
I have not very good grades at school. I'm more of a home learner, of things i am interested in. I've high IQ, but i cannot understand some things, like maths. I do understand that maths' section, which is not understood by other classmates, except one, who has 147 IQ, but i do not understand the maths, that is formulas and rules.
I'm not good in public speech - I'm anxious, sometimes because of that, I do not understand that question - my mind just clears up, when asked something by the teacher for example. Not always though. There are days, when I'm okay.

So, how do you think, which one of these, or something else, might make people not wanna talk to me? It's like they are avoiding me.

acousticeagle

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Re: Which of these things makes people not to want to talk to me?
« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2010, 03:21:17 AM »

Only friends talks to me, people i know good. Other people, the ones i might get known, or just simple classmates - doesn't want to have a contact with me. What's the problem?

I don't think there's an actual problem, really, what I am thinking is that your personality, as you've gotten older, is that of an introvert. I've replied to one of your other posts and I will refer you to that http://psychology-forum.com/general-psychology-forum/dreaming-and-thinking-strange-stuff-randomly-need-advices-and-opinions/msg8961/#msg8961

I think that for some that are introverts, it can take a lot longer to come to terms with one's self-perception in social situations. Others may be able to chat about random things and prattle on merrily, but an introvert is a far-deeper thinker - and their conversation is correspondingly on a deeper or more perceptive/intuitive level. Not everyone around cares to stop to take in the deeper thoughts of the introvert, so the 'sensitive' introvert will end up with a smaller and select group of friends that they feel more comfortable with. This is quite normal.

In the meantime I feel you're comparing yourself to others unnecessarily. I wouldn't be too worried about your inability to understand maths. You can train your mind to understand maths if you apply yourself to it earnestly, but you may be more mentally in tune with arts/humanities rather than maths/science subjects. Find where your mind feels more stimulated and interested and consider pursuing those subjects that you're more attuned to.

I'm not looking very attractive, at least i think so, compared to some others. I'm not fat, but I'm not very good looking. However, other not-good-looking guys are being talked to.

Well, beauty is skin-deep as it is said, so it comes down to personality. If these other "not-so-good looking guys are being talked to" they may be more extrovertive characters and not the introverted person that you appear to be from what I've read from your posts. Remember your uniqueness as an individual - there's no one else like you.

I'm not good in public speech - I'm anxious, sometimes because of that, I do not understand that question - my mind just clears up, when asked something by the teacher for example. Not always though. There are days, when I'm okay.

If you have an interest in improving your ability for speaking in public, could you consider joining a group (one outside of school and that includes people of different ages) that meets for public speaking exercises? People join such groups to improve their confidence in speaking in public and other people in these groups are very supportive because they understand. It would be a very good thing for your self-esteem. As an introvert myself, I have no problem speaking in public, but I've heard/read somewhere that it's no.1 on the list of what people fear doing the most!

So, how do you think, which one of these, or something else, might make people not wanna talk to me? It's like they are avoiding me.

It could be that you are thinking on a deeper level, and speaking accordingly, than others around you; this may not be understood by some others in casual situations. What sort of things do you talk about or want to talk about? If your conversation is on a deeper level to what others are talking about, then only some, or a few, are really going to appreciate what it is you want to talk about. It could well be that what you want to talk about is on a deeper level than what others in these casual situations actually want to spend time - and thought - to be really interested in.

Don't take any seeming lack of interest from other people as rejection upon yourself. It sounds like a good time to find out more about your own unique personality.


psy_guy

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Re: Which of these things makes people not to want to talk to me?
« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2010, 08:22:34 PM »
Quote
I think that for some that are introverts, it can take a lot longer to come to terms with one's self-perception in social situations. Others may be able to chat about random things and prattle on merrily, but an introvert is a far-deeper thinker - and their conversation is correspondingly on a deeper or more perceptive/intuitive level. Not everyone around cares to stop to take in the deeper thoughts of the introvert, so the 'sensitive' introvert will end up with a smaller and select group of friends that they feel more comfortable with. This is quite normal.

Yes, that is true. I like small groups, or single friends much more. In this question, I was just interested, why they do not want to talk to me. Was just strange. Also, I'm wondering, how such people can find a girl. I mean, it's hard to talk to people, and they don't wanna talk. Just a half-rethorical question.

Quote
In the meantime I feel you're comparing yourself to others unnecessarily. I wouldn't be too worried about your inability to understand maths. You can train your mind to understand maths if you apply yourself to it earnestly, but you may be more mentally in tune with arts/humanities rather than maths/science subjects. Find where your mind feels more stimulated and interested and consider pursuing those subjects that you're more attuned to.

Well, I wanna be a programmer actually. But mathematics is needed only on very specific few subjects, which I do understand. So I do understand mathematics at the level, at which I need to understand for my dream job, most of the time. But you need a paper, or you need people you know, and I don't know many people, especially in big posts, to recommend me or something. Without the paper, it is almost not possible to find a job.
I'd like to get a nice group of people, I am a good leader, if I know the people, and they are motivated enough to do, what they need to do. That is tested. But it's hard to get known people, plus almost no one is interested in programming in this country. So a paper with grades is a must for me, I think.
I'm interested in programming, because I am creative, I have a lot of ideas for things to create. Sometimes I could even go for hours about these things. And it involves a lot of logical thinking. Not everyone can be a programmer. I like to think and solve problems. I like to think about things, solve problems, which requires a lot of logical thinking and do something creative to express myself. That's why I like programming. It seems to have all these features. I possibly could be interested in something else, that has all these features too, but as far, as I was thinking what I am interested in, I haven't found something, that I am that way.

Quote
Well, beauty is skin-deep as it is said, so it comes down to personality. If these other "not-so-good looking guys are being talked to" they may be more extrovertive characters and not the introverted person that you appear to be from what I've read from your posts. Remember your uniqueness as an individual - there's no one else like you.

Yea, I guess, that I am an introvert. I've read somewhere, on some psychology page a long time ago. I'm interested in practical psychology - how people interact, how to deal with situations, how to convince someone, how to understand, what the guy says, how to read people, all that practical and actually useful stuff. And yes, they are much more introvertive, than I am. One guy likes to express himself a lot too. And he is smart, and he is not pretty too. But people talks to him, girls too.

Quote
If you have an interest in improving your ability for speaking in public, could you consider joining a group (one outside of school and that includes people of different ages) that meets for public speaking exercises? People join such groups to improve their confidence in speaking in public and other people in these groups are very supportive because they understand. It would be a very good thing for your self-esteem. As an introvert myself, I have no problem speaking in public, but I've heard/read somewhere that it's no.1 on the list of what people fear doing the most!

Yea, that would be nice to improve my public speech skills, although, those classes do cost money, and I do not have any money. Although, I even wondering if there are any groups in this country like that. Groups ain't very popular around here, because people tend to keep things to themselves and don't tell anyone how they feel around here.

Quote
It could be that you are thinking on a deeper level, and speaking accordingly, than others around you; this may not be understood by some others in casual situations. What sort of things do you talk about or want to talk about? If your conversation is on a deeper level to what others are talking about, then only some, or a few, are really going to appreciate what it is you want to talk about. It could well be that what you want to talk about is on a deeper level than what others in these casual situations actually want to spend time - and thought - to be really interested in.

Well yea, that is true. I do speak in a deeper level and use more words, that could be hard to understand for some people with lower IQ. For example, today I was talking to some people, and they were looking to me with faces, that looks like "Wth is he talking about?". Then i refrazed everything in simplier words, and longer sentences explaining what i mean by that and that, and they looked more comfortable. I also tend to talk about things deeper like thinking way. Actually, I've a problem because of this sometimes. Sometimes, when I'm asked a question by someone, I think about what he asks, and I think about something deep. A deep question. I answer that, then he refrazes it, or everyone laughs and then he asks somebody else (teacher's situation). I also can keep a physosophical conversation with someone, think deep and explain what I think about that, how that could be interpreted, and other stuff like that. However, some of those people, doesn't even know me, they don't know, that i think that way, but they still doesn't talk to me.

Quote
Don't take any seeming lack of interest from other people as rejection upon yourself. It sounds like a good time to find out more about your own unique personality.

Hmmm, what would you recommend to do, to find out more about my unique personality? At others - I can look, hear how they talk, see what they do for a few minutes and determine how they are like. But at myself - I cannot do that.

 

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