Why do I often have no interest in being physically affectionate?

[Windy]

Hello, I was wondering if anyone has any insight into my problem with physical affection:

I frequently do not have interest or urges to be physically affectionate (such as to show love through hugging) in general. Thus, I tend to withdraw physically if my ex-boyfriend, say, tried to hold my hand by pulling it away. Sometimes, I may give physical affection to people who are close to me, or ask if they give me physical affection. For example, I'd caress my ex-boyfriend's head, or ask him if he could caress my back. Which is weird because sometimes I actually did like being caressed by him! But I noticed if I do initiate, it's often for my own selfish or superficial reasons. For instance, I'd give hug to a friend just because I'd like how it'd feel when I squeezed his back. Maybe I'm suppressing urges for some reason? Or maybe it's a habit that I learned growing up because my dad was pretty mechanical if he was physically affectionate with my mom. I also tend to deal with a quite a lot of apathy (limited/lack of emotion), so that could definitely be contributing to this whole dilemma.  Anyone have any ideas what could be causing me to be this way?

Thank you!

[S. Earl Martin]

Could be a number of things.
1. Some underlying fear. Or concern about being hurt.
2. Lowered hormone levels. I noticed when my wife had this she was less affectionite. Before she liked to sit together in a booth at a restaurant etc. Or just hold each other in bed. More intimicy in sex instead of just doing the deed.
3. Boredom in a releationship. After people become more used to each other they tend to be less physical. When the relationship is new it tends to be more physical.

There are probably more, but that is all I can think of right now. If you want to make a change? Say to become more physical? Then set goals to do that. Decide who you want to be physical with and how physical you want to be. Then reinforce the action after awhile it will become automatic.

[SWM]

@Windy

I am curious about the differences in degrees of affection. you say that you are not affectionate but you describe being ok with affectionate on a superficial level.

Sometimes, I may give physical affection to people who are close to me, or ask if they give me physical affection.

i wonder then if you have a perception of what affection is that differs from the affection  you are comfortable with. i hope that makes sense for you?

it seems like there is a line that you do not feel comfortable in crossing. would that be right?

if so what does it mean about you or the other person if you were to cross that line and be affectionate, what would happen?