Work place drama

[daftcow]

For those of you who don't know, I am a youth worker, working in an area based centre with young people from a deprived background. 

Mneh...returned to work today after a holiday to find out that my boss has taken my healthy cooking group off me and made the new girl (who I hate), the lead person for it. He says it wasn't a reflection on me or anything, he just feels she needs a group that is her own so she feels more involved. My nose is seriously out of joint about it. I have been working with that group for a year and a half. Plus she already has a group of her own, and muscles in on mine ALL the time, questioning absolutely EVERYTHING I do, every decision I make. She is far less experienced than I am yet she thinks she knows it all, and steps on my toes a lot. 

We work in a very small team, so I don't want to cause any trouble, so I told my boss I was kinda ok with it but reminded him to watch her because she isn't backwards in coming forwards to muscle in on other people's assignments. He said he knew this but I'm not sure he does...she makes out to him she isn't confident (which maybe she isn't) but this comes out like she knows everything. She isn't even sticking to the healthy eating policy and was buying cakes for the kids to decorate...where we should be teaching them how to make them so they are better for them. I feel like all the work i've put in the past 18 months was for nothing, all my decisions have been taken away from me, and I think she is actually loving it!   

I had to step in today because she didn't know how to make the soup. As far as I'm concerned if she is lead worker, she is on her own, I refuse to prop her up in any way!!

I'm really unhappy at work. I used to love it here. Hell, even Brian (the guy i had trouble with before), and I have developed a way of understanding each other and we get on brilliantly now. But since she started, I have been forced to work mostly with her, and she treats me like an idiot, muscling in on my groups, and forgetting that as the lead worker, I make the decisions. I can't really go to my boss because he would be raging if he had to play referee, though I know he would if he had to. I just feel that I've had to bend over backwards to accommodate her. I also don't trust her, I know she would stab me in the back at the first opportunity. She isn't even all that good at her job, she is either acting stupid mostly with the kids, during MY groups, when I am trying to engage them into doing something constructive, or she is shouting at them!     There is never a happy medium!

Sigh!

I note that I come across as rather immature in this post...but I'm not the only one who has this problem with her!

Any coping strategies would be much appreciated.  I know they way of dealing with Brian when she annoys me is to be harsh and tell him in no uncertain terms to $%!& OFF @).  He appreciates this direct approach and responds to it by apologising for being annoying, and then we are laughing again.  Unfortunately this approach can't work with everyone, and I can't see a way of dealing with her because the second I ask her to back off, even in the gentlest way, I know she will be running straight to my boss accusing me of bullying her!

She seems to think that blaming everything on her depression gets her away with everything!

[voodoo scientist]

You're "really unhappy at work", yet you won't tell your boss about your problems because you're afraid he might get mad, and thus eventually fire you or increase your risk of firing, presumably. The thing is, if you're unhappy at work anyway, you can freely tell your boss what exactly makes you unhappy. Don't make a stupid appeal to "everyone else" like you just did there, though I'm sure you'll be tempted to - this is about you, the person who is unhappy, and noone else but the cause of that unhappiness.

Go ahead and tell her to fuck off when she needs to fuck off. Let her run to your boss and tell him you're bullying her. Go with her, maintain your calm and act like the older, more experienced employee while you explain the situation. If she wants to make an idiot out of herself and cause a scene, it's no skin off your nose. If she tries to use her depression as a safe base to run to, call her on it and say that she is responsible for her own mental health, not you, and you won't compromise the quality of your work performed because she's depressed.

[hortonpilot]

You have the right o be happy at work, to be treated fairly.

Let me think about this over the day?
Don't prop idiots up, it does you no good.

Horton

[daftcow]

Thanks guys

I'll see what happens

[hortonpilot]

As i said it is no good to prop up idiots.

You fall into a rather sad pattern when you do.

LFG

[daftcow]

Oh I have no intention of propping her up.  She can stand on her own two feet

[hortonpilot]

Daftcow,

 hope not.
Loyalties in the workplace effect you in ways that go beyond what is right and proper.
So it is good to guard your career.
People will side with those who are on their side no matter if there has been a breach of conduct.
Work place code of practice is never applied except to shaft those on the outer.

Keep your feelings to yourself and always be above reproach. Time is what you have.
Decent people in small ways without thinking do the right thing and in a sense thru their work ethic cover up the mistakes of some.
The thing is to never drop your guard and to remember these people will shaft you sooner than they will blow their nose.

On a personal level your situation will not be going un-noticed and there is some vindication there perhaps? Perhaps something is done , perhaps not.

Strangely you find allies in the oddest places sometimes.
I work in a hospital and medicine was not my area of study. I tend to dumb it down to fit in with some of the people i work with.
When i started their was some hostility towards me in that i was new and could do a number of jobs.
Some was very obvious and took my breath away.
Ours is a teaching hospital and i work in the operating theatre, we were starting an operation and it was also a lecture  on the anaesthetic process, the doctor was discussing the physics of the process.
He had asked to  had asked those present to explain the process ,in turn he ran around those present, none of whom had the idea or or answer.
To my total surprise he turned to me and asked me to explain the physics!
Caught a little off guard i explained the situation and spoke of the factors limiting a better solution.
He replied that it was a perfect answer.

Clearly this was done for a reason , it may have been chance or him just being polite?
It is a hard and being silent at times is best.I work with people who at best are poorly educated and lack enquiring minds have little respect for intellect, the doctors provide relief.
At my point of life i need this job and it is very convienent, i do what it takes to secure it.


Every dog has their day but other people can cause damage to your life, best to minimise the possibility.


Horton

[daftcow]

Thanks Horton,

There is some excellent advice there   I will keep my head down, do my work, and try to minimise social conversation, just keep it as professional as possible.

Thanks again,

HUGS

[hortonpilot]

Daftcow,

              pleased you saw something in what i said.

I think it is a constant problem for smarter people who must interact with others.

Every now and then you get a glimpse of light, not often but sometimes.

The fools will shaft you at your work so it is best to keep certain things to yourself to protect your world.
What they see is you being different  and they can't be objective about this, just their order being the dominant one.

Take some heart in small matters.


Horton