would I be lying to myself if I took charge?

[pcm81]

Hi all.
I am a submissive male. I am actually in charge at work and in life, however in bed I want the girl to be in charge. I dont want to throw her on the bed and just take her, I want her to do with me as she pleases.

I want her to be in charge because all I want to do is what ever is pleasant to her. This includes fetishes. I can not be forced into submission, but rather have to be suduced into sumbisssion. I derive my pleasure from her's.
I am however usually incharge of my life outside the bed.

So, my question is this: 99.9% of women want to be dominated, they want me to throw them on the bed and use them for my pleasure. I can do this, but I am extremely uncomfortable with it, because I am afraid to do something which she may not like... The question is this: Will my character ever change, will I ever adapt to being in charge or will I always feel like i am walking on thin ice? The only girls whom I am not afraid to dominate are those whom I dont really care about, but the more I like the girl the more I want to serve her in bed... To me a woman is like a fragile flower she needs to be loved and handled with care. I am also a masochist and a foot fetishist, if it makes any difference...

This really buggs me, because it feels like I have to be someone I am not, just to get laid... and so i always kee searching for someone else...

Thanks

[Enigma]

Maybe you should focus on why you want to be dominated. 


Also, I'm sure there's plenty of women out there who love to play the role of dominatrix.  Maybe you should try and find yourself a BDSM community. 

[pcm81]

Yeah, I am actively looking for BDSM partner, but that is not why I came here. I am interested in psychology of this situation. Some men like to be dominated, so they go to a pro dom, pay $300 and get their "fix". In my case I do not want to be dominated, but rather suduced into submission to that girl whom I consider worthy. I am only submissive in bed, I am actually pretty self reliant in life.

I guess my question is weather the bedroom nature is something we choose or if it is something that we simply are. The strange thing is: I dont mind being the "top" and dominating girls whom I only marginally like. But the girls whom I really like I just want to submit to... Hope it makes sense. What do you all think?

EDIT:
The reason why i want to be dominated is because I want to bring pleasure to my female partner and I want to earn my own fun. So if she is in charge, it assures me that what we are doing she is enjoying, because she is the one who has control.

[subguy2]

i am a male enaged to my mistress/dominatrix. i am a very strong male with a very outward alpha appearance, i was set up on a blind date by a mutual female friend with this woman.
i had no desire intent oreagerness or willingness to be dominaed or be submissive.
however she was so forwardly dominant that she couldnt be any other way.

my point is, you cant MAKE your girl friend WANT to doninate you and take you etc etc ..its called "topping from the bottem"
she has to "feel" it, want it and make you lisen and want to be in control.

i quareentee you if you push any person into a role they do not want to be in, they will cut bait and run. Why its not in there personality.
dom/sub are personality traits.
I didnt realise i had so many submissive tendances but when she took charge i actually was able to "relax" because all day , i was making desions at work and life, but she told me where we were having lunch , when to be at her aprt after work, which bar to met her at and she picked up the bill..because it was natural for her and i realized i enjoyed seeing her happy this way.

[NataEames]

I like to be dominated mostly but I love dominating younger women!

The reason you want to be dominated is because you feel you are too in control and dominating in your out-of-sex life and you want to feel what it is like to be used and abused. It's a beautiful and natural thing.

[pcm81]

I like to be dominated mostly but I love dominating younger women!

The reason you want to be dominated is because you feel you are too in control and dominating in your out-of-sex life and you want to feel what it is like to be used and abused. It's a beautiful and natural thing.

I understand all the reasons why I am a sub, and I have no problem admitting it. What I am trying to figure out is if I will ever feel comfortable dominating or if my submissive nature is perminant. Itis just so much easier to get laid being dominant, ut it feels so much better having her ontop.

[NataEames]

If you don't feel comfortable than you shouldn't do it while you're not comfortable. That is self-betrayal in the simplest term. You may feel comfortable dominating some people, then it's ok